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Advice for self hatred when you're an alter.?

C

Charliedragonfly

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Hi this isn't Charlie speaking... that isn't even her real name, thought I might out her for a laugh.
Anyways this isn't Charlotte it's one of her alters. How can I deal with this absolute anger and hatred I have for her. Everyone tells me its uncalled for but I don't know what to do with all my anger. I just want everyone to suffer for the hell I've been put through. God I'm angry. How the hell do you deal with anger and "self" hatred and dysphoria because jesus christ this body is NOT mine. Thank you.

Just to clear things up it's undiagnosed but I'm pretty sure I'm part of a OSDD (DID no amnesia) system.
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya. I know very little about alters and DID. But self hatred yes. I think often its driven by depression irrespective of whether its an alter or not. All that anger is probably justified and for some people unexpressed anger can lead to depression and deepening it when the anger has no where to go.

Are you considering therapy? It might be an idea to look into it and see if there is someone who can help you through this. I would also suggest you see a doc about the self hatred and anger and exactly what triggered all this off.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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I understand how you feel, my other self or 'head-mate' as I call him hates me too and it's totally unfounded.

I was innocent when he forced his way into my life in the most horrible way possible, he messed with my sense of reality, tortured me mentally and physically and stole control of our body and got me put into hospital for it after he tried to attack a family member. I've had to medicate him because he would have never given up control otherwise and he would have tried to ruin my life completely. It was self defence and I regret nothing.

I never asked to be the driver of our body and be the dominant mind and I'm not responsible for my head-mates lack of friends throughout his life, if he had a life of his own and friends perhaps I would still be oblivious to his existence, but because he's a social outcast I'm forced to live with his stupid behaviour for the rest of my life.

I don't know how you're taking control of Charlie but I suspect she's not on any medication which makes me wonder why you're unhappy with life, isn't the ability to talk to your own kind, hear the thoughts of mine and Charlie's kind and leave the body and go anywhere you want (assuming you know that about yourself) not enough? Are you a social outcast just like my head-mate? What about your family and what do they think of you treating Charlie this way? I know my head-mates family were very angry at him for doing the things he did to me.

If you were a true friend to Charlie I'm sure she would accept and include you in her life, if both of our kinds work together there's not much we can't do, I've seen what happens when we do work together, you'd experience much more than any other head-mate could and Charlie would be a goddess amongst her own kind.

If my head-mate gave up hate he'd enjoy life much more than if he continues to hate me even though I'd have to keep him medicated quite possibly for the rest of his life because my trust in him has been eroded to the point it would take decades to rebuild. But while he's trying to slowly build trust he would enjoy having limited control of our body (I'd be generous with the time I'd give him), he'd have me talking to him once again and I'd give him money to spend however he sees fit, three things I know he wants badly but he refuses to ever shut up and three years and more of him talking and singing non-stop is really getting to me, he can shut up but I think he does it to try and punish me for being what I am.

I'm not religious but I do believe you should "treat others as you would have others treat you" or however that saying goes. Give Charlie your love and respect and I'm sure she'll do the same for you.
 
C

Charliedragonfly

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Thank you for your replies, yes I go to therapy and I hope to find better ways of communicating and dealing with my emotions. It's interesting hearing your own perspectives, I'll take your advice as best I can, thank you
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Has the situation between you and the alter that spoke to us changed in any way?

Does she have as much hatred and anger for you now or has she mellowed at all?
 
C

Charliedragonfly

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Has the situation between you and the alter that spoke to us changed in any way?

Does she have as much hatred and anger for you now or has she mellowed at all?
To be honest, I'm unsure. She still seems spiky but she hasn't hurt me like she would usually so that's good I guess :)
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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When my voice hurts me or talks to much he reminds himself that "There's no excuse for bad behaviour", something we learned from someone a while back. Not that it does much good, he still behaves badly and acts like he's justified in some way.
 
C

Charliedragonfly

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When my voice hurts me or talks to much he reminds himself that "There's no excuse for bad behaviour", something we learned from someone a while back. Not that it does much good, he still behaves badly and acts like he's justified in some way.
Thanks, I'll try suggesting it :)
 
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