• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Advice for a parent

J

jn1972

New member
Joined
Nov 12, 2014
Messages
3
I would be grateful for some advice. My Daughter who is 10 started to harm herself back in July of this year. She is grieving and has also just started her periods. She has been bullied by an ex. Of mine in the past, (who I left as soon as I found out) and she has also been bullied in school and doesn't make friends easily at school. I try very hard to keep my emotions in check when she shows me what she's done (thank god she trusts me enough to share) but I worry that because I'm not making a fuss that it somehow belittles what's happening or that she'll feel that I don't care if I'm not reacting. I am in the process of trying to get some professional help with both the grief and the sh which 9 times out of 10 happens at school where it is out of my control. But if anyone here can help me to not do the wrong things in the meantime I would be so grateful

MarlieeBee said: 6 Minutes Ago,

"Welcome to the forum.

I'm happy that your daughter trusts you enough to show you what she has done. I can't even start to imagine how hard it is for you to see the scars.

10 years is a very young age to start self harming. From what you have written she seems to of had a lot going on with her life at such a young age.

Have you ever asked her what triggers the self harming in school? Do you think that the bullying that she receives there reminds her of how your ex bullied her?

It's a hard line between showing you care too much and then not showing enough, it's a hard thing to get right.

Please let the school know what is going on, especially with the self harming. Try and have a meeting to see whether there is a safe place she can go if she feels the urge to self harm.

Whereabout's in the world are you if you don't mind answering? Of course you don't have to answer

I will come back to this thread soon but for now take care.

Marliee x "

P.S" This is a old thread, if you want you can make a new thread or ask one of the mods and admins (in Black and green) if they could move your post to a new thread, just so more people see it "


"You never know what you can lose in the snap of a finger."

jn1972 said: 1 Minute Ago

Thankyou I will try to make a new thread. I'm in Cornwall, England.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
J

jn1972

New member
Joined
Nov 12, 2014
Messages
3
School are aware and she did have a safe place, but she's not using it. She has changed schools from the one where she was bullied and hasn't made any good friends in her new class. The one good friend she has is in a year below her and she will leave him behind when she goes to High school next year. I just want to help her. I went through similar issues as a child and suffered with severe depression over the years ( which did include failed suicide attempts, (before I had my daughter) but I never self harmed so I have no insight into that. Her father suffers with Bi Polar but does not live with us. She sees him regularly & only found out about his illness earlier this year. He has told me his condition is hereditary and may pass to our daughter, but how early can this manifest.
 
J

jn1972

New member
Joined
Nov 12, 2014
Messages
3
Thank you MarlieeBee for the links. They are helpful. Would be grateful for any more advice any can give me on how to react when she tells me. And also I had started to leave her alone in the house while I did grocery shopping etc. But yesterday she told me that last week while I was out, she'd been called a few names and made to feel bad by another child online and had resorted to self harm. How do I react to the next grocery run. Do I make her go everywhere with me or do I have to trust her that she'll tell me if something happens?
 
V

volnash

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2014
Messages
566
That really depends on whether you trust her aswell, i think it's important to be supportive without them feeling as if you're monitoring them too much, and that you tell her in person that you trust her to tell you anything, and that you wont send her away, make sure to tell her that she can tell you anything in confidence, i know that sometimes it's hard to be a friend to your child as you are their mother, and you cant always play the friend, but perhaps now she really needs a friend and why not her parent/parents, i know you get worried and that you are struggling with this, but sometimes well im a young father myself, and my kid is only two years old so i cant relate much, but trying to say that you should try and befriend your daughter more, if you have already taken these steps and done this then you can ignore what ive written her, but sometimes children feel as if parents dont understand so it's important to gain her trust at a young age, and that you wont neccesarily do anything behind her back, such as calling a hospital of some sort or resorting to getting her to see a doctor if she doesnt want to.

However on another note it could be beneficial to have someone she can talk to aswell, this could be a doctor but be careful of psychiatrists in this matter as they very easily want to deal out drugs, maybe a behavioral therapist who has knowledge on these matters, right now im sure she just needs to be seen and not judged, not saying you as a parent is judging her because obviously you are not, in this period let her be free but dont let her get involved with drugs, but as she's so young id hope there isnt much of that around, or other people who might be bad influence to her.

This is just my personal experience from what i have learned and accumulated through various sources, i am in no way a professional, simply trying to help out and i am still young so try to excuse me if i get wrong at some places.

Thank you for posting here.
 
Top