Adopted, planning to meet my bio family. Scared of how they'll react to my past.

nomask

nomask

Member
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
23
Location
USA
I'm unsure if this is the right place to put this, please let me know if it isn't.

Trigger warning for abuse.

I was given up for adoption after being born and only allowed to meet my biological family when I turned 18 years old. Essentially, the moment I've been born my life has been completely out of my hands and very troubled. But they only got to know a very small portion of that being I was only in their life so briefly.

They already knew I was sick as a baby. They don't know I continued to be sick, and am now chronically ill and disabled. I cannot hold a job and some days, I am bed bound. This, however, may already be something they suspect.

There are things they are much less likely to suspect. I know most families hope for their kids to graduate HS, get a job, go to college.. obviously none of which is a part of my life. I know a lot of people look upon developmental disorders as bad things, and I know already my many mental illnesses would be upsetting. I am LGBT and I don't know how they will feel about that.

But the biggest thing is what happened to me in the family they selected for me to go to. I was abused as a child by my adoptive family, stripped of any trace regarding my cultural background, and I will spare any further details.

They picked the family I went to. How are they supposed to feel? I was a helpless newborn. They will have to live knowing they put me in a home that would scar me for life and further ruin my chances at having a future. Sometimes I wonder if I should even meet them at all, just to save them the anguish of having to know where they sent me to live. It's impossible for them to not know these things if we meet because they are such significant parts of my life, it's unavoidable.

I'm 20 years old, I'm already old enough to meet them but I've been trying to decide what I'm going to do or how I'd even go about doing it. I want to know them. But it's impossible to know them without them knowing me.

If anyone has thoughts, I'd like to hear them? Especially from anyone else who's been adopted and gone through a similar problem.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
8,167
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
It is your choice whether they are in your life or not, I'd say if you feel bad being around them, dont have contact with them :hug:

My dad's a toxic piece of crap and me and my older brother refuse to have anything to do with him, no appeals allowed :hug:
 
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