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Addicted to depression

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Benagade

Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2014
Messages
10
Location
Essex
Hi all, :)

As some may know I’m new to the forums, and I’ve been wondering for a while if I’m the only one who’s ever felt like they are “addicted to depression”?

So a little history for you…Quite a while ago I was diagnosed with severe depression. I’d find it hard to do anything, get out of bed, eat,, talk, socialise. I’d often think “what’s the point”, “would anyone really care if I was to take my own life”, I’d also often fantasise about my own funeral.

But now, I’m in a much better place, I live on my own, socialise, workout and am generally in a good way.

I often find myself feeling good, but when I do I feel like I’m out of my comfort zone and do whatever I can to get that depressed feeling again. It’s almost like I’m addicted to feeling depressed. I will mentally put myself down, try and feel lonely and sad, sometime to the point of crying.

Even though I know there’s no real rational reason for it, I’ll still do this; in fact I’m doing it right now. I do take medication, fluoxetine, regularly but sometimes I do wonder if it’s actually helping me…at all…I’m sure it is but I wonder why I’m so comfortable in feeling so down.

Does anyone else feel like this, I can’t be the only one?
 
peardrop

peardrop

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 13, 2012
Messages
62
Hi Benagade,
It's certainly an unusual way to describe depression 'comfortable'. That sounds like an oxymoron to me.
I feel very low at the moment but I certainly don't feel comfortable. I hope you find an answer to your question anyway.
 
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Polar Bear

Guest
When you are depressed, your focus is to get better, and the rest of life takes a back seat. I found that i wanted to stay in that sick role so that i didn't have to face life and all its responsibilities. Might that be what is happening for you?

Kelly x
 
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Benagade

Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2014
Messages
10
Location
Essex
Hi Kelly,

I think we've got the same thing going on.

Sounds strange but sometimes I wonder if I'm afraid of being happy.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,534
Location
The West Country
I have definitely felt like this at points, particularly in my late teens.

I think there is a certain amount of safety in depression.
Whilst that might sound strange to some people, it seems logical to me. If you have nothing, then there's nothing to lose.
It's like i'm already anticipating how my life is going to turn out (not well) and so don't want to put myself through the heartbreak of trying.

I do understand what Kelly/Polar Bear has said too.

I think due to having lots of issues with mental health from the age of 12 onwards, there is a part of me that's a bit "stuck" in childhood and as a result I find the idea of adult responsibility very frightening.:(
 
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jimindigo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2012
Messages
197
I think you have hit nail on head! It would help if you understood the mechanics of
it so to speak,thus: "Addicted To Unhappiness" by Martha+William J. Pieper.
It's a complicated error we made when we were very young,but once the penny
drops,instead of falling into pit of misery,you can say,"Piss off,it's the Addiction!"
I did very thing today,so it helps because you finally get the idea/truth that it is a
SEPARATE PHENOMENON from you,and is most certainly NOT YOU!
God Bless,
jimindigo
 
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Benagade

Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2014
Messages
10
Location
Essex
Thanks all, I'll take a look into that Jimindigo.
 
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