Acting cold towards everything and everyone helps anxiety

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Hope1216

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May 11, 2019
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#1
Me and my girlfriend are in a situation where she wants us to go somewhere for about two or so day and due the fact her family is there and all the drama that comes with it and how I wouldn't feel comfortable even breathing near those people it causes me a lot of stress and anxiety because my relationship with them is kind of complicated.

Now my girlfriend really really wants us to go and I love her and I know she would do the same for me if the tables were turned so I am basically agreeing to going BUT due to my anxiety my only defense that actually works is becoming cold to everything and everyone including her and well... she doesn't really like it.

I told her that I love her and if she wants to do it we can but she doesn't like me being so distant and quiet about everything. How can I explain to her to just have a good time and let me sit there and just numb myself the whole time we're there? I understand it's not the best way to handle it but it's the only way I can.
 
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gam9147

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Feb 18, 2019
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Delaware, USA
#2
hi my friend.

I think you try just like you said. Explain to her that you have a lot of anxiety around her family and you intend to go and be supportive, but you may need some allowances (like breaks, or as you said simply not being very talkative and what not) and ask her to please allow you to do what you can as best as you can.

If you try to explain its coming from your anxiety and you need help getting through it, hopefully she can help be more supportive towards you.

My wife had a lot of trouble with my family events and always needed to withdraw afterwards and could only stand a certain amount of interaction before she was 'done'. It's not the way I am so it was hard for me at first to understand, but I do now and let her take it as she can.
 
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Hope1216

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Joined
May 11, 2019
Messages
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#3
@gam9147 Thanks for the reply, and I took your advice and went on a walk with her and talked. She said she doesn't like the idea that I will be extremely miserable and anxious since she wants to go to have fun and she wants me to have fun too even though that's kind of impossible. Overall we came to a understanding. Now I just have to try and keep as calm as I can because I've been having panic episodes constantly the past few days.
 
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gam9147

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#4
The other thing to keep in mind for her and for you is that this isn't a permanent thing, its a temporary thing. So you can reassure her that you want to do it for her even if it does make you anxious and know hopefully for yourself, that with time it will become easier for you. Hopefully that's the case as you work on your anxiety.
 

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