- Aug 21, 2019
I have been restricting my calorie intake for quite a long time now and I am doing it I think to feel some control in my life and because I feel I don't deserve to eat. I have lost a lot of weight and people keep commenting on it. I was recently again accused of doing it for 'attention' because 'no one pays any attention to me'. This is really hurtful and untrue, in fact it makes me feel so embarrassed when people mention my weight. I wear my coat and big clothes all the time to try and cover up as I hate my body. I weight myself every morning and am happy when I have lost weight and angry and disappointed when I have put weight on. I weigh out all my food and keep a record in a diary. I am on anti depressants and thankfully my doctor hasn't seen my weight loss due to not seeing my doctor in person because of Covid. I feel a need to keep losing weight. It keeps me occupied, I am obsessed with food and recipes and it distracts my mind from everything that is going on. I guess I'm just venting really, I just needed to get it off my chest how much it hurts when people accuse me of attention seeking. I guess some people just have no insight or idea how someone else may be feeling and I can't be angry at them for that but it makes it worse and makes me feel more ashamed and pathetic when they say things like that.