• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Accused of 'attention seeking'

G

george81

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2019
Messages
129
Location
UK
I do realise I have an issue with food and have lost a serious amount of weight. However it doesn't help when I'm being told I'm 'doing it for attention' because 'no one really bothers with me' and I must 'love it' when people mention my weight loss. I have tried to explain that controlling my calorie intake gives me the only control in my life but people don't want to know, they constantly invalidate my feelings and tell me I don't really think this and that. People also criticize me for being 'too quiet' and call me 'sly' for not talking very much in groups. I am quite shy and find groups bigger than 3 quite intimidating and don't tend to talk much as I really don't think anyone is interested in what I have to say. I have depression and don't make any effort in my looks anymore and now I'm even being criticized for that with people saying I am 'self pitying' for explaining the reason for why I don't bother with my appearance anymore- simply because I'm ugly and there's no point in trying anymore. I can't seem to please anyone or do anything right. When I used to make an effort years ago I was criticized for thinking I was 'better than everyone else' and that I must 'think I look fantastic'. I can't do anything right! I've had enough. It's ground me down slowly and it's all too much. Sorry everyone, you;re all so kind on here x
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
2,874
Location
England
I hate those two words
Well i hate the negative meaning of them

Some clever people call it signalling, when people try and get help but don't know how to do it confidently like they might do when well.

Seeking attention. That is nicer. I need attention. I cannot do this alone. I need help.

Self pity too, hate that. Pity self. Feel sympathy for self? That is a good thing.

You should spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself

Ignore those negative words. I would rather be a self pitying attention seeker than a person who says nasty things and who criticises those who are struggling.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
11,733
Location
Nowhere
who has been saying these things to you George ?
you need to keep a distance from these people

every human being wants attention from other human beings
its just a case of getting it from the right places

here is some attention !

and the idea that you sought attention by neglecting yourself
what a nonsense !

sounds like a David Mitchell joke
where he likes to look exceptionally un - noteworthy !
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
274
Location
Texas
I’ve experienced the same thing. How can you get help when people think you just want attention?

If you can find someone that understands it makes all the difference. I honestly find myself hating people that talk over you, think they know everything and you should get over it.

I’m sorry that you had to endure those comments from others. Don’t listen to anyone that is that narrow minded.

Hugs 🤗
 
Lizaje

Lizaje

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 20, 2020
Messages
708
Location
Idk
Can you get away from these people?

It's not surprising you're accused of seeking attention and/or wanting people to mention the weight loss because that is how a lot of people with eds feel.

I guess it's because of low self esteem that it bothers you a lot. When you gain self esteem, it doesn't hurt so much when people misinterpret your behaviour because you don't need their approval that much.

The only thing I think will truly help you is seeking professional help.
 
M

ManDss

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
172
Location
Arg
The only advice I can give you is: dont care about what they say.

If you do something and they say you are doing it for something its not the real reason, well, those people are kind of not very smart people.

If they say you are quiet and they think thats bad, I dont know... Im also pretty quiet and people also said that to me, but I never cared about it, I mean , what I care, and francly never found very interesting those people who think themselves as amazing.

Theres good people in the world too, so maybe jsut be thinking in meet new and different people from your current group.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
14,459
Location
England
Hi George,
We understand here, hope it helps chatting to us.
It hurts when others dismiss you, we care here.
Please do seek professional help, your Gp/dr can usually refer you.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,218
Location
Nashua NH
Where are these comments coming from? Family? Friends? Whoever they are they are clearly being a very negative force in what is a delicate situation. If you can I would tell them how their comments make you feel, that they aren’t helpful and if they would like to help tell them how they can. You should not have to put up with what sounds like ongoing harassment and verbal abuse. xo, j
 
T

TimeOutForTina

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 15, 2020
Messages
66
Location
Nottingham
You should not have to be going through this..unfair. Are you able to tell them how they make you feel perhaps? Hope you are ok.
 
G

george81

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2019
Messages
129
Location
UK
Thank you all for your kind replies. I’ll reply properly a bit later, hugs to all x
 
M

Mary26

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 28, 2018
Messages
253
Location
USA
You have been pretty open with us about how you feel and what this is really about and it's the farthest thing from attention seeking. Perhaps they are too self involved to be able to understand what someone else might be feeling and they're projecting their own issues onto you.
 
G

george81

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2019
Messages
129
Location
UK
Hello all and thank you again for listening/reading me! People keep trying to get me to eat and I've been put in (for me) stressful situations where I've gone out to food places with people and then been constantly asked if I want to order something and why don't I eat something? and why not have some food- go on, have a burger/chips/a pudding. I have a strict calorie number to stick to and it makes me very worried/uncomfortable to go over this number or divert from my regime and there's no explaining this as people wouldn't understand. If i go over the limit I have to compensate by doing something else like SH. It's still being classed as attention seeking even though it's not. I can;t stand people commenting on my weight and saying I need to eat more and I look ill etc especially when people say in front of others 'have you lost weight?!'. I just want the ground to swallow me up, it makes everyone look and I know they're judging and commenting on me in their minds. When things go bad I know I have this to concentrate on, the numbers and working out figures is a distraction and it feels like I have some control over my life. Sorry iof this doesn't make any sense, I can't really understand how it's got to this but I know it's been gradual and has slowly started taking over. Love to you all x
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,218
Location
Nashua NH
Hi, George, it sounds like you have been put through a lot in the name of your weight to the point where it has become a preoccupation of you and everyone else. Calorie counting and restricting to the extent that you do is concerning. So
is the amount of time and energy you seem to put into your body and your diet. I wonder if it might help to have the support of a counselor or dietician to help you through this. It sounds like you have taken on a lot with this and may be able to benefit from having a bit of support. xo, j
 
G

george81

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2019
Messages
129
Location
UK
Hello all and thank you for your kindness. I have many plans and am getting all my affairs in order. I've had enough and can't see things carrying on for much longer. I've been getting everything sorted, written lots of letters and made my wishes clear. I dont see the point on carrying on much longer, things will not get better or change. I am causing issues for people and besides that, I don;t want to be here myself. Thank you all, you are lovely x
 
Top