Accepting my life as it is

Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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755
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Isle of Wight
Bless you Zoscia. I have just read through this entire thread and I can relate to so much of what you say.

I was 44 last month, I got three cards. I have gradually, over a number of years, alienated anyone that loved me because my BP and BPD meant that I never say what was obvious to anyone else. My story is a little different, I developed a dysfunctional coping strategy, I have this amazing 'mask' which just slips on. I had a successful career based on manic, productive fits followed by collapse. I have a nine year old son and the only way I value myself is how successful I can appear professionally.

Just because of this people think I am okay. I am lonely, I haven't got anywhere near a relationship in nearly 4 years because wanting and coping seem to be miles apart.

However my therapy is helping. I feel I am starting to come back into sync with the world, probably for the first time ever and I hope that you get the support you need so you can start to feel better too!

I come from Essex, where are you? Not specifically, just roughly. If you like beaches you are in the right place, Essex has more coastline than any other english county, over 350 miles of it!
 
Zoscia

Zoscia

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Essex
The straw that broke Grace's back. How much stupidity can go on in one day? I have taken a load more tablets for a stupid reason, because words have been put into my mouth. Pathetic reason. The last straw though and i am done. I will sleep for a long time hopefully. I am not going to post for this week if i can because i can't cope with anything. My phone is switched off and i have unplugged the broadband. Life is way too much for me and so something must change.
 
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Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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Joined
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Messages
755
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Isle of Wight
The straw that broke Grace's back. How much stupidity can go on in one day? I have taken a load more tablets for a stupid reason, because words have been put into my mouth. Pathetic reason. The last straw though and i am done. I will sleep for a long time hopefully. I am not going to post for this week if i can because i can't cope with anything. My phone is switched off and i have unplugged the broadband. Life is way too much for me and so something must change.
Zoscia, please be careful. Stay with us, talk it through with us, we understand better than anyone but please stay. If you just can't please promise you will stay safe?
 
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Zoscia

Zoscia

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Essex
Sorry Davey, i never have more than (removed). I should have been more specific. I took (removed) this afternoon and then (removed) just now. It is not healthy for me. :hug: I am hanging on the edge and sleep is what i need. I have many days where i want to go the whole way but this survival instinct is strong. It is only stress on top of stress on top of more stress, that causes me to need to do this. It is funny how it is not something i feel during bipolar episodes, but just in response to life problems. When depressed, i also have that survival instinct.
 
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