abusive relationship?

[confused_lady]

hi, im really confused an dont know wat im expecting in posting this but here goes anyway.
ive recently left a 10 yr relationship, we have 2 kids together. we got together wen i was 16 an id say its never been a 'healthy' relationship. but the thing that confuses me is was it all my fault?is the things he says an thinks about me true? the way he talks about me is like im a horrible person and do things to hurt him but i wudnt say thats really me. is it possible to go thro a 10 yr relationship an him not really know me atal? alot has happened throughout the 10 yrs, like name calling, belittling, intimidation,humiliation, contact walkin on egg shells. he has a very short fuse so i think in a way i moulded myself into wat i thought he wanted me to be but now in doing that i dont know the real me. i feel lost now ive left!
i left due to my mental health, in the last 2 yrs ive suffered with depression, anorexia, bulimia, panic attacks an palpatations. i was scared i wud do somthing drastic to myself. all of which he hardly knew anything about!i have no self worth, no confidence but i still constantly wonder if ive done the right thing in leaving him. was all this in my head? is it me just being really messed up and causeing all the illnesses myself?i think he was controlling and emotionally abusive but it cud of been in my head? im so confused dont know whether to just take him back because 10 yrs is alot to throw away?any help wud be appreiciated!

 

[BORTU]

Hello young lady,

I too went through many years in a bad relationship so I can feel for you. NO NO NO it was not all you fault. We all make mistakes from time to time but in a loving relationship these things mean nothing. In my experience (OK so I'm getting on!) it is more likely to be the one doing the fault finding is the one with a problem. I left the bad marriage and tried again. It worked, the few times we had a row about something we ended up laughing about it.

I would say definitely that moving out was/is the best thing to do.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you can get your confidence back. I'm sure you are a lovely person.

 

[Angels]

You need to find someone who will treat you better. because you dont deserve this.. i know ive had an abusive relationship so i can understand what your going through. like me, it sounds like you have been trying to lead another lifestyle just to keep that person happy. i forgot what was really me.
abusive relationships can be like a form of self harm in a way. you know the relationship is bad but you keep going. and it can be difficult to recover from.
There are people that can help. i know you may be sick of hearing this, i know i was.. but it really is not your fault, guilt and denial can be a pain in the ass sometimes.
Your in a better place now. dont get back with him
Move on and do whats best for you, live your life for YOU
Hope i helped.. im still here to talk if you need me!

xx hannah xx

 

[unlucky]

NO, its not your fault!! I'm still suffering the repurcussions of an abusive relationship after being out of it for 8 years. Please seek the help you need to get over this before it utterly consumes you. If you need to talk please pm me whenever xxxx

 

[Blondie]

No it's not your fault and no don't take him back!!!!!!!!!Your problems have been down to him and his abusive behaviour.Like you said 10 years is a long time to be treated like that so no wonder you are confused about who the 'reel' you is!Don't waste any more years on this guy,your kids will end up repeating history and could end up with problems of their own when they grow up.You spent your years in a catalyst,you have now broke free and are a beautiful butterfly ready to see the world in a new way.Get counselling,get a new hair cut,a new wardrobe and live your life for you and your kids now.You owe it to yourself and your kids.I wish you well hun xx Have a read of this link.Copy and paste into google if it doesn't work.

http://www.vipirg.ca/publications/pubs/research_reports/9906_leaving.pdf