abused from my father till the age of 27 !! Tired of being treated like a kid

[DayD1994]

Iam a 27 y.o old girl .People always saw the nice man who helps the poor and play with the kids the nice father who is perfect and who is spoiling his kids he spend his salary on family only... he is perfect but WAIT ! No one knows him indoor its like someone out a spell on him to transfer to a monster when he is with his family.. i dont know from where to begin i am tired of people telling me to thank god that he is sponsoring us but my mom do too, my father worked only in his free time he went with his friends travel or have fun he doesnt care about spending time with our mother or us.. i remember that my father abuse started dince i was 4 or 5 i remember fight with my big sister at night for a doll i was only five y.o he took a bag put some of my clothes in and took me with the car to an empty road left me alone with my bag for minutes in the dark because i was yelling and that bothered him..... what kind of human being can do this to his little daughter ??? He was always beating me when he is md from the work and come back home to sleep even if he hears me laugh louldy qhen i play with my siblings he get up and beat me its not my fault if i have good vocal cords im a bit loud but thats my natural voice.. he beat for weak reasons .. when we go somewhere and that i laugh in the street he asks me to be strict and yell at me he used different tools to beat me one of them was big wood stick it was so painful other times a belt that left purple traces and some blood on my back i was going to take my bag and run but it was my mom i couldnt make her worry she has hypertension i just cant accept it i did nothing seripus to deserve all that cruelty!!! I got my license card from the first time on tiny car he took me with hi car 4x4 i wasnt used to it i didnt drive it well he slapped me and i was crying and he slapped me again becuse i am crying and i was driving.. i travel and i have extra 1 or 2 kilos for the airplane he yells at me and slap me in front of people in the airport i went to study abroad after my high school for 7 years. I cam back 4 months ago and i really cant live hear im just going to another foreign country to work but im here to learn the language i went this morning at 9h to the library and i came back at 12:00 he couldnt say anythin but when mom came back he was like do ypu trust that she went there u stupid she is lying to you.. he is always plying detective and think he is smarter than people 1 month ago he said bad stuffs to me like really hurting i went to my room to cry i cant stand someone telling me loser and other worse words.. he came to my room and slapped me because im crying i dont even have the right to cry... i want to die i hate myself and my life i live in modern society my father was CEO in big company he is educated studied 6 yesterday abroad my mother is university teacher.. we are not from a society that treat woman like trash... i dont have a job yet to leave the house.. nd the worst part is the impact of all this on me marriage for me is a horror i refused any boyfriend who propose to mw i hated the idea im agressive a bit i get mad fastly but at least i listen to people.. i dont have self confidence when im outside i feel people are watching me more than normal i wish i was invisible i alternate between (maybe depression ) and hating myself to energetic and optimistic about my future . But when we fight and he treat like im nothing i think abt running away and ruining my future cause my job is not demanded in my country im just waiting for him to send me abroad after i finish the language course.. . I feel a terrible person for hating him should i regret it ? I never miss him i feel he is dead but i never wish something bad happen to him thats how my sweet mom raised us.. but im tired i feel prisoner at the age of 27 and he still discussing if i can get out to do normal life activities... how should i deal with him please ???

 

[Zoe1]

hi DayD

sorry to hear about all this
I hope you feel better for writing it

there is also a sub forum here for trauma

 

[DayD1994]

Thank you.. im still new sorry i didnt know where to post exactly..

 

[Zoe1]

its fine to post it here,
I just thought you might get more help in the abuse forum

 

[MeAndMyDepression]

Iam a 27 y.o old girl .People always saw the nice man who helps the poor and play with the kids the nice father who is perfect and who is spoiling his kids he spend his salary on family only... he is perfect but WAIT ! No one knows him indoor its like someone out a spell on him to transfer to a monster when he is with his family.. i dont know from where to begin i am tired of people telling me to thank god that he is sponsoring us but my mom do too, my father worked only in his free time he went with his friends travel or have fun he doesnt care about spending time with our mother or us.. i remember that my father abuse started dince i was 4 or 5 i remember fight with my big sister at night for a doll i was only five y.o he took a bag put some of my clothes in and took me with the car to an empty road left me alone with my bag for minutes in the dark because i was yelling and that bothered him..... what kind of human being can do this to his little daughter ??? He was always beating me when he is md from the work and come back home to sleep even if he hears me laugh louldy qhen i play with my siblings he get up and beat me its not my fault if i have good vocal cords im a bit loud but thats my natural voice.. he beat for weak reasons .. when we go somewhere and that i laugh in the street he asks me to be strict and yell at me he used different tools to beat me one of them was big wood stick it was so painful other times a belt that left purple traces and some blood on my back i was going to take my bag and run but it was my mom i couldnt make her worry she has hypertension i just cant accept it i did nothing seripus to deserve all that cruelty!!! I got my license card from the first time on tiny car he took me with hi car 4x4 i wasnt used to it i didnt drive it well he slapped me and i was crying and he slapped me again becuse i am crying and i was driving.. i travel and i have extra 1 or 2 kilos for the airplane he yells at me and slap me in front of people in the airport i went to study abroad after my high school for 7 years. I cam back 4 months ago and i really cant live hear im just going to another foreign country to work but im here to learn the language i went this morning at 9h to the library and i came back at 12:00 he couldnt say anythin but when mom came back he was like do ypu trust that she went there u stupid she is lying to you.. he is always plying detective and think he is smarter than people 1 month ago he said bad stuffs to me like really hurting i went to my room to cry i cant stand someone telling me loser and other worse words.. he came to my room and slapped me because im crying i dont even have the right to cry... i want to die i hate myself and my life i live in modern society my father was CEO in big company he is educated studied 6 yesterday abroad my mother is university teacher.. we are not from a society that treat woman like trash... i dont have a job yet to leave the house.. nd the worst part is the impact of all this on me marriage for me is a horror i refused any boyfriend who propose to mw i hated the idea im agressive a bit i get mad fastly but at least i listen to people.. i dont have self confidence when im outside i feel people are watching me more than normal i wish i was invisible i alternate between (maybe depression ) and hating myself to energetic and optimistic about my future . But when we fight and he treat like im nothing i think abt running away and ruining my future cause my job is not demanded in my country im just waiting for him to send me abroad after i finish the language course.. . I feel a terrible person for hating him should i regret it ? I never miss him i feel he is dead but i never wish something bad happen to him thats how my sweet mom raised us.. but im tired i feel prisoner at the age of 27 and he still discussing if i can get out to do normal life activities... how should i deal with him please ???

Hi @DayD1994.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I'm out of my element here as far as giving you detailed advice, but perhaps you should call 911 (if you're in the United States) and tell them that your father is physically and emotionally abusing you and that you fear for your life. See what they say. Good luck.

 

[candycane]

Iam a 27 y.o old girl .People always saw the nice man who helps the poor and play with the kids the nice father who is perfect and who is spoiling his kids he spend his salary on family only... he is perfect but WAIT ! No one knows him indoor its like someone out a spell on him to transfer to a monster when he is with his family.. i dont know from where to begin i am tired of people telling me to thank god that he is sponsoring us but my mom do too, my father worked only in his free time he went with his friends travel or have fun he doesnt care about spending time with our mother or us.. i remember that my father abuse started dince i was 4 or 5 i remember fight with my big sister at night for a doll i was only five y.o he took a bag put some of my clothes in and took me with the car to an empty road left me alone with my bag for minutes in the dark because i was yelling and that bothered him..... what kind of human being can do this to his little daughter ??? He was always beating me when he is md from the work and come back home to sleep even if he hears me laugh louldy qhen i play with my siblings he get up and beat me its not my fault if i have good vocal cords im a bit loud but thats my natural voice.. he beat for weak reasons .. when we go somewhere and that i laugh in the street he asks me to be strict and yell at me he used different tools to beat me one of them was big wood stick it was so painful other times a belt that left purple traces and some blood on my back i was going to take my bag and run but it was my mom i couldnt make her worry she has hypertension i just cant accept it i did nothing seripus to deserve all that cruelty!!! I got my license card from the first time on tiny car he took me with hi car 4x4 i wasnt used to it i didnt drive it well he slapped me and i was crying and he slapped me again becuse i am crying and i was driving.. i travel and i have extra 1 or 2 kilos for the airplane he yells at me and slap me in front of people in the airport i went to study abroad after my high school for 7 years. I cam back 4 months ago and i really cant live hear im just going to another foreign country to work but im here to learn the language i went this morning at 9h to the library and i came back at 12:00 he couldnt say anythin but when mom came back he was like do ypu trust that she went there u stupid she is lying to you.. he is always plying detective and think he is smarter than people 1 month ago he said bad stuffs to me like really hurting i went to my room to cry i cant stand someone telling me loser and other worse words.. he came to my room and slapped me because im crying i dont even have the right to cry... i want to die i hate myself and my life i live in modern society my father was CEO in big company he is educated studied 6 yesterday abroad my mother is university teacher.. we are not from a society that treat woman like trash... i dont have a job yet to leave the house.. nd the worst part is the impact of all this on me marriage for me is a horror i refused any boyfriend who propose to mw i hated the idea im agressive a bit i get mad fastly but at least i listen to people.. i dont have self confidence when im outside i feel people are watching me more than normal i wish i was invisible i alternate between (maybe depression ) and hating myself to energetic and optimistic about my future . But when we fight and he treat like im nothing i think abt running away and ruining my future cause my job is not demanded in my country im just waiting for him to send me abroad after i finish the language course.. . I feel a terrible person for hating him should i regret it ? I never miss him i feel he is dead but i never wish something bad happen to him thats how my sweet mom raised us.. but im tired i feel prisoner at the age of 27 and he still discussing if i can get out to do normal life activities... how should i deal with him please ???

You could report him to your local law enforcement agency.
Maybe go to a woman's shelter,for safety.
You could go to counseling.
The list is endless.
I hope this helps.

 

[Ginger Kitten]

You could report him to your local law enforcement agency.
Maybe go to a woman's shelter,for safety.
You could go to counseling.

I agree with what Candycane says above, but it depends which country you live in, as to which resources are available. You say yours is not a culture that denigrates women, but even if it were, your father's behaviour is unacceptable and is still abuse - physical and emotional.

I imagine you are from Europe - is that right? If so, then the things Candycane has mentioned above will be available to you. Wherever you are in Europe, at the very least you will be able to contact the police. But if you don't want them to take action over your father, this could be a problem, because they probably will, if you tell them all you have told us.

As you are studying, I think the best thing would be to go to someone at your college and ask if they have a counsellor you can speak to. Explain things are very difficult at home and you can't bear it any more. That might be your first step to getting away. But you MUST get away from him. The abuse you describe is horrific and ongoing. I wonder you mother hasn't left him, but she is probably frightened of him and also bonded with him (the link between abusers and victims is often very strong). I know that I could not watch a child of mine suffer like that. But you say she is sweet, so her will and sense of right and wrong have probably been broken over the years.

You got away to study for 7 years. I hope and pray you can get away again: you need to in order to survive, emotionally and physically. Once you are free, you can work on repairing your heart and becoming stronger. In time, you will be able to flourish and develop your many gifts. I promise you, your future is there, waiting for you. With kindest regareds, Ginger Kitten.

 

[DayD1994]

Thank you dear for taling your time and responding to my post.. i am actually in north africa not europe... and thr thing thst stops me from going to the police is that i dont want people to talk about our family "the father in jail" i dont care about what people say but my mother does ndmy little brother too.. my mom yes you are right she is so calm and have no power compared to him he affected her terribly she is scared of him more than i am and that what made him feel stronger.. i am sure there is nothing to change in him or her ther are both over 50 years old he is 62 too late to change for someone that never feel sorry.. but i hope its not too late to fix myself.. i got some bad habits from him honnestly worrying, anger... and i was always blaming him deep inside but inwanted my blame to be true i dont want to be that person who is bad and blame it on others.. because he was alwys agressive and i had no chance to talk back if i do he beats me i feel rage and anger are accumulated inside and now im a sensitive person but also always in the edge if its correct to says i mean i overrect sometimes and im alwys attacking when talking.. so now he sys with cold blood where did get this tradhy personnality from im ready to spend a fortune to a psychiatrist so you get treated .... funny isnt it?

 

[DayD1994]

You could report him to your local law enforcement agency.
Maybe go to a woman's shelter,for safety.
You could go to counseling.
The list is endless.
I hope this helps.

Thanks dear but the police i really can not if they dont put him in jai( since he has alot of link he is friend with powerful people in my country) ill be dead

 

[Ginger Kitten]

Thank you dear for taling your time and responding to my post.. i am actually in north africa not europe... and thr thing thst stops me from going to the police is that i dont want people to talk about our family "the father in jail" i dont care about what people say but my mother does ndmy little brother too.. my mom yes you are right she is so calm and have no power compared to him he affected her terribly she is scared of him more than i am and that what made him feel stronger.. i am sure there is nothing to change in him or her ther are both over 50 years old he is 62 too late to change for someone that never feel sorry.. but i hope its not too late to fix myself.. i got some bad habits from him honnestly worrying, anger... and i was always blaming him deep inside but inwanted my blame to be true i dont want to be that person who is bad and blame it on others.. because he was alwys agressive and i had no chance to talk back if i do he beats me i feel rage and anger are accumulated inside and now im a sensitive person but also always in the edge if its correct to says i mean i overrect sometimes and im alwys attacking when talking.. so now he sys with cold blood where did get this tradhy personnality from im ready to spend a fortune to a psychiatrist so you get treated .... funny isnt it?

Feeling angry is a natural response to being mistreated, DayD, but I perfectly understand that you do not want to feel that way because it reminds you of your father's anger. But you are a different person; you are not an abuser, please try to bear that in mind. I also understand what you are saying about this, because my father could be aggressive, humiliating and spiteful. He is better now as he is 90 and has calmed down, but I always feel slightly wary of him. We have had many arguments over the years because I frequently stood up to him; what I now realise is that it's safer to walk away, and anyway, I don't like my mother getting caught up in the middle of the friction. It's all so damaging.
Paying for a psychiatrist privately will be very expensive, but if you think you'd like therapy, you can now find it on the internet - just be sure you go through a professional organisation to find someone. Personally, I think face to face is better, so perhaps you could find a local therapist/counselllor to help you.
Meanwhile, keep talking to people on this site. Many people with mental health issues have experienced abuse and trauma at some point in their lives, often in their childhood, so they will understand. I wish you the best. Kind regards, GK.

 

[Ginger Kitten]

Thanks dear but the police i really can not if they dont put him in jai( since he has alot of link he is friend with powerful people in my country) ill be dead

You could report him to your local law enforcement agency.
Maybe go to a woman's shelter,for safety.
You could go to counseling.
The list is endless.
I hope this helps.

There has to be a solution somewhere. Are there any women's refuges to go to in your country, as Candycane suggests? I don't know what North Africa is like in terms of protection for abused women. But if this kind of organisation exists, that would be the place to go. They would protect you and keep you safe from your father. He may have connections, but he is not all-powerful; I think you are overpowered and scared by him at the moment and unable to think of solutions. As I said before, you got away from him before - and I think you said he is going to pay for some more studying abroad? If so, that's your opportunity to get clear of him and seek sanctuary elsewhere - if that is what you want to do. GK

 

[candycane]

Thanks dear but the police i really can not if they dont put him in jai( since he has alot of link he is friend with powerful people in my country) ill be dead

Sorry to here that.

 

[Beta012]

Hi, that must have been awful to go through, sending virtual hugs. Been left by myself in a secluded area by my parents, yelled at in public places, and suffered abuse as well. I don't have anywhere else to go, so I mostly read/watch a lot to distract myself from what's going on. I find the internet especially helpful. You're not a terrible person for hating your dad. Unfortunately even after all that my family has done to me, I'm unable to hate them because even though what has happened before I'm just stuck in a mental state where I would willingly be with them rather than leave so far because of how my mind is wired from trauma and emotional abuse. I hope you find these forums helpful, there are lots of different categories on here.