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Abuse or not?

Aahbut

Aahbut

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I am hoping that the same understanding is going to be given for this one.

As a boy (9) I knew that I was different, I knew I found other boys and men interesting. In short I am gay, though at that time I had no idea it had a name. Without going into detail I explored this very well considering my age and it felt right. I was never asked or made to do anything I didn't want to during my growing up years. I have no problems accepting my sexuality and feel that it has nothing to do with my depressive state and generalised anxiety disorder.

I am interested in peoples views on this on way or another. For some it is not something they can be open with I know, if so send a PM.
 
daffy

daffy

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I am hoping that the same understanding is going to be given for this one.

As a boy (9) I knew that I was different, I knew I found other boys and men interesting. In short I am gay, though at that time I had no idea it had a name. Without going into detail I explored this very well considering my age and it felt right. I was never asked or made to do anything I didn't want to during my growing up years. I have no problems accepting my sexuality and feel that it has nothing to do with my depressive state and generalised anxiety disorder.

I am interested in peoples views on this on way or another. For some it is not something they can be open with I know, if so send a PM.
You say that you explored this, but you dont say at what your age and the age of the others involved. if you were over 16 then its entirely your choice

In my opinion tho (and thats all it is ) if you were under the age of consent then it is abuse. You dont know your mind well enough at that age and you were taken advantage of and that has no matter on your sexuality.

Just think of it this way. If it was a girl of 11 and someone older, im sure you would call that abuse. Im sorry if thats not the answer you wanted and i dont mean to cause offence to you in any way. Maybe if you could discuss this with a sexual health councellor it might sort things out for you.

take care
 
D

Dollit

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I think this is one of those posts that perhaps could be dealt with better by pm's. Is there someone on here that you feel you could approach to talk about this "off" forum. I'm not sure you'd be asking a question such as "abuse or not" if you didn't have doubts. I'm glad you're at peace with your sexuality, that's not always easy whatever your persuasion. :hug:
 
Aahbut

Aahbut

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Thanks for the replies. The reason I asked is to get an idea of how others perceive this. And the reason is I will shortly be seeing a psychologist again. She seemed more interested in my sexuality than I am, and kept mentioning abuse at a young age. I agree that as I was underage then technically it was abuse. On the other hand I have no intention putting someone in the firing line for child abuse. So I think I will just keep my mouth firmly shut.
 
D

Dollit

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If you want to talk about what happened then that's your choice and no one should try to stop that. If you don't want to name the other person involved what whatever reason then no one can make you - that, again, is your choice. Often people think that sexuality must be a cause or a reason for no reason other than they love to box things away. You seem to be quite grounded so I'd trust my own judgment if I were you.
 
sandybob

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I have some experience of the "therapist being more interested in sexuality" thing.. slightly different perspective. my husband is gay (sounds odd , i know .. we are separated now obviously) but some of the issues were explored during some of my therapy sessions (some with him present ) .

perhaps they were explored because the were issues.. if you have no issue with your sexuality and don't feel its relevant to your illness then i don't see why it has to be something you talk about with the psych.

i dunno i may be talking out of my bum ... feel free to pm me
 
Ashami

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Having been abused myself when I was a kid my thought is that it's quite simple, if you attach shame to the memories concerned then it's abuse.

It's not a question of age so much, more a question of control.

Also, I feel that if you want to talk about it you do just that. One guarantee when you mention the word 'abuse' is that the majority of people will run for the hills. This is a highly taboo subject that raises a lot of fear in people. This leaves victims of abuse in a complete wilderness.

:)
 
midnight

midnight

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I have experiences I still can't confront, it was not repeated efforts by a single person but lets say a number of different scenarios with different people. They range from experiences abroad when I was 13 all the way through the experiences at work when I was 19 and experiences in my own house at 26 and flipping experiences in a mental health hospital when I was pregnant at 30 and total taken advantage of.

I don't think about them generally therefore they don't bother me. If I repeat this mantra enough I will eventually believe it. I don't particularly want to share the details but hell they got me :

at home
on holiday
at work
in hospital

is there anywhere sacred? I reported none of them, and never will

Deep down you will know whether its an issue or not
 
huggs

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Whenever you say explored you don't say who is involved. There has to be clear consent. Like the words YES between consenting adults.
 
Vintage

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If it feels like it was abusive to you, then i think it was abusive. Abuse is subjective.
 
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