C
Cileb
New member
I'm not sure if this is the right subforum to post my question in, but that's the closest one since my phobia causes anxiety to me and has impact on my everyday life. Also, the problem I have is about my mental (or rather psychiatric and psychosexual) development, so I believe this forum is the right place.
I am a 19-years-old male from Eastern Europe. I have several mental disorders - pure OCD, intrusive thoughts and clinical depression. I am taking fluoxetine to treat them. That's not what I am here about though. I want to share with you about an other problem I have.
I have severe kolpophobia. That means that I am afraid of vulvas.
I am asexual. I'm not planning to have sex ever. That's not a problem for me though - I don't like sex and just don't want to have it. Problem is, my kolpophobia has a strong impact on my everyday life. I find it hard to have contact with women. Example: I am biromantic. I can fall in love with women and men. I've never been in a relationship with anyone, but I'd like to. Problem is, if that's a woman, I'll be afraid of her genitalia. I mean, I will want to show her my affection to her - I'll want to hug her, to cuddle with her and do other physical non-sexual things. But every time I hug her I'll think "Ewww... I am so close to her vagina... I'm afraid of her genitalia..."
Please notice that I'm not a misogynist. I don't hate women - I actually like them very much. I love how emotional and gentle most women are (that's why I fall in love with women much more often than with men). I love women's personalities and bodies. I love everything in the female body except the vulva.
People would call my fear of vulvas irrational. But I believe it’s rational given what happened to me as a child.
Long story short: When I was about 3-years-old I asked my mother “What do women have between their legs?” That’s a perfectly normal question that every little boy asks his parents about. Problem is my mother lied to me. She told me that women have nothing between their legs. When I asked her “Where do they pee from then?” she told me “Through the asshole.”
I was a toddler so the though that she may have lied to me didn’t even cross my mind. I believed her because she was my mother. I believed her till I was 12. Then a thought came to my mind “What if women actually have something between their legs?” What ultimately led to me to the conclusion that women have orifices between their legs was TV – in movies they always showed that during childbirth women spread their legs. “That explains everything – women MUST have holes between their legs where babies come from.” Till then I believed that babies come out through the navel – that’s what my mother told me when I was little.
Finding out that women have a system of organs I’ve never known about was a huge shock to me. I couldn’t eat and sleep normally for months. I fell into despair and depression. It was the first severe personal crisis I had in my life. I hated my mother so, SO much. I wanted to kill her. Not only did I want her to die, I wanted to die too.
Because of the fact that I didn’t find out about vaginas when I had to (till I was still a toddler) but at the age of 12 instead, I started experiencing a huge fear to female genitals. I’m still afraid of them.
I’m not a professional psychologist or anything like that, but I dare to say that know quite much about psychology. One of the things I know is that in order for people to perceive the human body as something normal, they must learn about the basics of male and female bodies while they are still little kids. But that’s not the case with me, so now I feel semirational fear of vaginas.
I am afraid of the bodies of practically 50% of the world population. But there’s nothing I can do about it, it’s not my fault. It’s my mother’s fault. She says she hid the truth from me because “she wanted to preserve my innocence”. But I have no idea what’s wrong with little boys knowing the truth about the female genitals.
I realize she didn’t intend to hurt me, but that’s what she ultimately did after all. 
Because of her ignorance and idiocy my mind is scarred for life. I’ll never forgive her what she did to me.
My question to you is has this happened to you or to someone you know? How did you/they solve this problem? What can I do? (These questions are rhetorical – I know there is nothing that can be done to solve my problem. It’s way too late.)
I don’t believe my problem can be solved, but at least I can tell other people about the pain I feel. What I really need right now is someone to feel empathy for me. :’(
So am I the only man whose mother is ignorant enough to ruin his life?
I am a 19-years-old male from Eastern Europe. I have several mental disorders - pure OCD, intrusive thoughts and clinical depression. I am taking fluoxetine to treat them. That's not what I am here about though. I want to share with you about an other problem I have.
I have severe kolpophobia. That means that I am afraid of vulvas.
I am asexual. I'm not planning to have sex ever. That's not a problem for me though - I don't like sex and just don't want to have it. Problem is, my kolpophobia has a strong impact on my everyday life. I find it hard to have contact with women. Example: I am biromantic. I can fall in love with women and men. I've never been in a relationship with anyone, but I'd like to. Problem is, if that's a woman, I'll be afraid of her genitalia. I mean, I will want to show her my affection to her - I'll want to hug her, to cuddle with her and do other physical non-sexual things. But every time I hug her I'll think "Ewww... I am so close to her vagina... I'm afraid of her genitalia..."
Please notice that I'm not a misogynist. I don't hate women - I actually like them very much. I love how emotional and gentle most women are (that's why I fall in love with women much more often than with men). I love women's personalities and bodies. I love everything in the female body except the vulva.
People would call my fear of vulvas irrational. But I believe it’s rational given what happened to me as a child.
Long story short: When I was about 3-years-old I asked my mother “What do women have between their legs?” That’s a perfectly normal question that every little boy asks his parents about. Problem is my mother lied to me. She told me that women have nothing between their legs. When I asked her “Where do they pee from then?” she told me “Through the asshole.”
I was a toddler so the though that she may have lied to me didn’t even cross my mind. I believed her because she was my mother. I believed her till I was 12. Then a thought came to my mind “What if women actually have something between their legs?” What ultimately led to me to the conclusion that women have orifices between their legs was TV – in movies they always showed that during childbirth women spread their legs. “That explains everything – women MUST have holes between their legs where babies come from.” Till then I believed that babies come out through the navel – that’s what my mother told me when I was little.
Finding out that women have a system of organs I’ve never known about was a huge shock to me. I couldn’t eat and sleep normally for months. I fell into despair and depression. It was the first severe personal crisis I had in my life. I hated my mother so, SO much. I wanted to kill her. Not only did I want her to die, I wanted to die too.
Because of the fact that I didn’t find out about vaginas when I had to (till I was still a toddler) but at the age of 12 instead, I started experiencing a huge fear to female genitals. I’m still afraid of them.
I’m not a professional psychologist or anything like that, but I dare to say that know quite much about psychology. One of the things I know is that in order for people to perceive the human body as something normal, they must learn about the basics of male and female bodies while they are still little kids. But that’s not the case with me, so now I feel semirational fear of vaginas.
I am afraid of the bodies of practically 50% of the world population. But there’s nothing I can do about it, it’s not my fault. It’s my mother’s fault. She says she hid the truth from me because “she wanted to preserve my innocence”. But I have no idea what’s wrong with little boys knowing the truth about the female genitals.
I realize she didn’t intend to hurt me, but that’s what she ultimately did after all. Because of her ignorance and idiocy my mind is scarred for life. I’ll never forgive her what she did to me.My question to you is has this happened to you or to someone you know? How did you/they solve this problem? What can I do? (These questions are rhetorical – I know there is nothing that can be done to solve my problem. It’s way too late.)
I don’t believe my problem can be solved, but at least I can tell other people about the pain I feel. What I really need right now is someone to feel empathy for me. :’(
So am I the only man whose mother is ignorant enough to ruin his life?
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