Abortion, miscarriage and the results.

[cloudberry]

I rarely allow myself to think about it now. But as I get older it comes to me more and more as I see women of m age have grown up kids, and their kids even having kids themselves.

I am so bereft. So very single. I have no kids. No partner. No one. Just a ver fragmented and troublesome family. Which I have become afraid of.

I first got pregnant when I was 20 years old. I was frog marched to a gynaecologist by my step mother - my fathers second wife. On pains of "if you dont get rid of it I will never see or speak to you again".

I was depressed and vulnerable at the time, so did it. I had a really hard time in hospital. The woman in the next bed to me was suffering (god bless her) her third miscarriage and was distraught beyond belief. the nurses didnt want me there, they were curt to put it mildly.

It was all never spoken about. I am still the Virgin Queen. At what cost?

The second was easier.
The third was almost a "walk in the park". I had sussed out a good gynaecologist at this point. He was very good.

But the bottom line is. ..... why have I suffered this shit? And put up with my dad telling me what to do all the time with my body? And threatening me?

And equally more important. Why have I listened?

Please refer to my reference on co-dependancy in someone elses thread to see how.

I'm utterley trapped. Which is maybe why a total Dom is the best way? For me to finally fight my dad.

At 45, you dont want your dad to still cntrol you. Do you? Mine does. Still.

Me and my sister have often wished him dead. To be honest.

And its not because we want the money.

Up to you now. Have had enough. He is now back from Spain again with his dreadful silicone filled girlfriend. We have gone through this for years. I am very very tired of it.

cloudberry

 

[staples]

you poor thing, i also have family troubles etc

i can understand how you and your sister feel nothing wrong with having those feelings about your dad so long as you dont act on it.

ive also had alife long longing for a child and its cost alot of trouble my wife and i split up because of it and other shit.

i think you know there are people out there who care

have you had any counselling?

 

[Dollit]

Talking with my consultant once I complained that I felt my mother still tried to run my life and sometimes I complied even when I didn't want to because of the backlash. He encouraged me to resist that and told me that as an adult I had every right to live my life the way I chose.

Personally if I was feeling dominated then I don't think I'd see a dom as a solution, that's a bit like homeopathy and that doesn't work! But that's my personal feeling.

You don't have to rebel in a big way, just say no.

 

[Becc]

oh I cant imagine how crap this all is. I'm sorry.

the only advice I can give you, and i'm sorry if it doesnt help because it's what everyone says.

But, do what makes you happy.

If your father really wont talk to you ever again, how would that make you feel? If you got freedom and happiness in exchange?

I wish you to be happy.

x