Abandonment

T

TryingMyBestAlways

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How do I deal with abandonment fear? I struggle with this the most, does anyone have any strategies they use?
 
Cpt_Stunning

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If you fear the worst it can often happen, only through intense positive thinking you can overcome it, think positive & positive things will happen, it really does work.
 
T

TryingMyBestAlways

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If you fear the worst it can often happen, only through intense positive thinking you can overcome it, think positive & positive things will happen, it really does work.
How do I stop the constant messaging, I go from sending awful things to them apologising and feeling this huge sense of regret that I actually feel in my stomach, I then fall in to a depressive state and stop eating and sleeping.
 
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TryingMyBestAlways

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I literally cannot put my phone down, constantly checking if he’s online. I logged in to his Facebook because I’m convinced he’s with someone else whenever he is not with me. I don’t want him to live like this it’s not fair on him and I can’t control it. I don’t want to lose him but if I continue like this I will :(
 
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1234brush

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Stop and try to view the world from some other point of view not your own. Try to take a step back and give yourself a minute to process what is happening instead of been impulsive. Put yourself in there shoes would u like to be constantly checked up on. Trust is what you need between both of yous
 
T

TryingMyBestAlways

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I do
Stop and try to view the world from some other point of view not your own. Try to take a step back and give yourself a minute to process what is happening instead of been impulsive. Put yourself in there shoes would u like to be constantly checked up on. Trust is what you need between both of yous
I do try this but then I completely lose control, i message him, his mum and his best friend. It’s suffocating for them but it suffocates me too, it’s like as soon as I start typing I can’t stop. I liken it to the alien in the mans head in MIB if you know what I mean. It’s like someone else is controlling my thought process and is typing for me. I’m the person the next day feeling regret, dread, guilt, trying to pick up the pieces of the mess that the devils advocate created :(
 
Flameheart

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sounds like you need distractions to put your mind off him
 
T

TryingMyBestAlways

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sounds like you need distractions to put your mind off him
I do but how? He’s the main thing on my mind. The fear of losing him is crippling, he’s not just my partner he’s my best friend. I’ve never felt like this about any man. I know what I’m doing will push him away but I can’t stop. I just need him home xx
 
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1234brush

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But do you really think that as soon as he walks out that door that he is away sleeping with someone else. You can't think like that unless you have some sort of evidence to back it up your torturing yourself. You are going way to for ringing his mum etc. She will end up telling him to leave you because your stocking him. Don't be dependent on him you need to have your own life too. You see you should both be busy and make plans to see each other don't get that attached that your making yourself unwell. Try a day of no contact and a date the next day and so on learn to let him live his live and go out and enjoy some time with friends or get a job etc. I know your saying it's not you but it is you and you give in to yourself to easy. Turn your phone off when he leaves for a while.
 
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But do you really think that as soon as he walks out that door that he is away sleeping with someone else. You can't think like that unless you have some sort of evidence to back it up your torturing yourself. You are going way to for ringing his mum etc. She will end up telling him to leave you because your stocking him. Don't be dependent on him you need to have your own life too. You see you should both be busy and make plans to see each other don't get that attached that your making yourself unwell. Try a day of no contact and a date the next day and so on learn to let him live his live and go out and enjoy some time with friends or get a job etc. I know your saying it's not you but it is you and you give in to yourself to easy. Turn your phone off when he leaves for a while.
Thank you, I will try this
 
Cpt_Stunning

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Seems like you need some sort of intense relaxation therapy, your subconscious mind can take control & make you do things that you know consciously aren't right, seems like you need some sort of relaxation techniques, like a long walk, plus some intense positive thinking about life.
 
Flameheart

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I do but how? He’s the main thing on my mind. The fear of losing him is crippling, he’s not just my partner he’s my best friend. I’ve never felt like this about any man. I know what I’m doing will push him away but I can’t stop. I just need him home xx
when you get the urge to message him in a bad state do something that occupies your mind and your hands, like drawing, writing or what I've recently started doing is playing sudoku on my phone and after doing one I usually don't have the urge anymore or it's at least not as strong as before I started
 
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1234brush

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You could very easily overwhelm your partner and like you said push them away. Is this your first boyfriend/love. Because that can be the reason your feeling like this your scared of him walking away but at the moment all he wants to do is be with you in a relationship and it won't even hit you till he starts to pull away . So you need to give him his space
 
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TryingMyBestAlways

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You could very easily overwhelm your partner and like you said push them away. Is this your first boyfriend/love. Because that can be the reason your feeling like this your scared of him walking away but at the moment all he wants to do is be with you in a relationship and it won't even hit you till he starts to pull away . So you need to give him his space
We’ve know each other years, we had a little fling years ago and he’s always been on my mind since and vice versa. I used to talk to him when I was in my abusive relationship and he would tell me how I didn’t deserve it and how much of a good person I am etc. I ended it with him and went back to the abuser and then 4 years later me and him are together and we have a child and then I turn psycho and end up messing him up. I’ve got him arrested for things he hasnt done because it triggered a memory from my past relationship. I’ve made his life hell. It’s such a mess. I’m so lost.
 
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Seems like you need some sort of intense relaxation therapy, your subconscious mind can take control & make you do things that you know consciously aren't right, seems like you need some sort of relaxation techniques, like a long walk, plus some intense positive thinking about life.
I’m waiting for a letter to het therapy because they initially told me I’d be on a 2 year waiting list and I said tbh I probably would have killed myself by then. I’ve already tried 3 times this year :(
 
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1234brush

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What about thinking about paying for therapy? If you could afford it. I think you have literally been through a lot in the past and your afraid of history repeating itself you maybe think you don't deserve his love or affection. WeLloyd he is there for a reason he wants to be with you. You have to be in the moment and enjoy it becauseems what's the pint in worrying about something you don't know if it will happen I know it's hard to not think about it but to be blunt you will have to deal with rejection at some point in your life. You are extremely scared of losing him because he is the best thing that has happened to you. So instead of been extremely scared bee extremly loving with him and make him know you love him. You treat him bad because you are scared of him leaving. It doesn't work and will never work you need to make a lifestyle change or things will get more worse
 
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Infinitepossibilities

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On one important level you know that it's not a rational response. Just a suggestion but instead of trying to curb your impulses, write the messages (maybe not in a medium they might get accidentally sent 😊) write out everything you feel and don't send it to anyone. Or send it
 
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Infinitepossibilities

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Sorry accidentally posted early! Was going to say send it to someone else you trust who understands
 

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