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abandonment issues

Zentangle

Zentangle

Active member
Joined
Sep 20, 2014
Messages
38
Location
England
Sorry if this is a long post. I'm 30 female and diagnosed with emotional unstable borderline personality disorder 7 years ago. I've been on a lot of medication since I was 15. I self harmed since 15 too ive had so much shit in my life abuse. Bullying. Bereavements. Too much to say. But my biggest issue is abandonment. I have had nice school teachers them had to leave I get attached to people and I don't no why. I have social workers but she left to have a baby and I got close to her and I told her my secrets that could not tell anyone else. Then I had a psychologist Afro 2 years for cbt then he left me then I have online friends then they go and delete me and I feel crap coa I always blame myself. I have never had a good relationship with my mum. It's more like friends. Can't tell her things. My dad never understood me. But he's ill so don't have time for me. My brother recently passed his driving test hes 17. And I'm so scared something bad is going to happen. My younger sister has children and has a job but she's got issues with anxiety. She sometimes loses control and cries loads and gets me worried she going to hurt herself or even hurt the kids then I lose my nephews. My uncle is ill with cancer and I see him twice a month and he's getting weaker. Lost my grandad and my great grandma and my other grandma travels the world and scared she will not come back home. I do have suicidal thoughts and when I get scared someone's going to leave me I keep thinking about ending my life before anyone else gets the chance first. Why is my head so messed up. This isn't normal. Also my partner could leave me anytime. I'm scared and I don't no how to control these thoughts. Please help me. X
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 22, 2013
Messages
756
Location
Isle of Wight
Okay sweetie, deep breath, okay?

Now you seem to be taking a lot of stuff on there for your family. People with BPD (of which i'm one) do often have abandonment issues, it's part of it.

First things first, you have come to the right place! We are all friends here and we do a great line in hugs, so here's one to get you started

:hug5:

Are you having any therapy at the moment? Plus I have found that mindfulness has helped me a lot and I have started thinking about things differently because of it, it takes work but is worth it.

Thanks for coming here, it's better with you!
Davey x
 
L

lovagemuffin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
640
we humans were all terribly flawed I hear voices and always think people are against me. but the trick is to know the flaws but not beat yourself up for it I find it so difficult when ive been angRey to not berate myself for it not to beat yourself up for.... you cant help all those issues and all those bad things weve been through trick is to nuture not abuse OURSELVES.:hug:
 
Jonwal

Jonwal

Well-known member
Joined
May 27, 2014
Messages
299
That sounds like there is an lawful lot going on in ur head and body. I think u need a calming influence maybe help abit. :( what is ur partner like? Does he calm u? Can u get any professional help or do u have any? Someone to talk to but re the abandonment and I think that is something specific can u do any research on it? I'm sure u have already. It sounds like u need as much stuff to ground u as possible. And with emotional problems I think u need to find consistency in things. Erm I really don't know what I'm talking about much!!! I think u have been traumatised :( what was ur childhood like? Coz stuff with attachments and abandonment is often to do with that u said u don't get on with ur mother much. Did she abandon u? Emotionally? X
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
52,676
Location
Lancashire
Hiya. That is a long list and its frightening you. That is understandable. We can make these lists and drive ourselves downwards even more. Can you make a list of the most important things (eg your partner leaving), and deal with that first. Prioritise the important and put the rest on hold for a while. That way, you can manage the situation more easily. Its the old chestnut, "how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time". So what can you do to explore why your partner is leaving, and what can you do to make it better - that is if you want to?

Have you ever heard of DBT? (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy). It can help with impulses and sense of abandonment, amongst other things. It might be an idea to ask your doc about it. Trouble with fear of abandonment is that you can push someone away in case they leave, and then its a self fulfilling prophesy. Does that happen? If people don't friend you on Facebook etc, well its a fickle social medium anyway. I just avoid it from time to time.

I do sort of grounding thinking/reality checking. I see these things happening to me, but how often do they happen to others? I suspect a lot of times. You still have friends, so maybe look into them. We only need a few anyway. I do hear your panic and fears though. Take care honey and I hope others will be along who have more to say - I'm not sure how much sense I am making tonight. :hug1:
 
Zentangle

Zentangle

Active member
Joined
Sep 20, 2014
Messages
38
Location
England
Hey. I seen a psychologist 2 years ago and had cbt. And to be honest I can't remember any of the skills he taught me. My life was that shit that we didn't actually do much work because when I went every week there was always some new issue with me. So couldn't deal with it. I've studied mindfulness. But think I will go on the laptop tomorrow and print some more stuff out my partner says I spend too much time worrying about other people. And to concentrate on myself. That's what I am trying to do. But he dosent understand me totally. As for my childhood I remember very little. I don't remember love and effection from my family even now my mum won't hug or kiss me or my other brother and sisters. She dosent show emotion. My dad does but not as much as I would like. He detatches from us. I just don't no what to do. All I want to do it be in a different place. I can't handle it. It's hurting me really bad and actually started self harming again. Been a week clean. X
 
L

lovagemuffin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
640
sorry your feeling so rough hard to know it will get better but it will
take care of yourself.:loveshower:
 
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