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Abandonment issues/separation anxiety?

T

taylornichol

New member
Joined
Jun 30, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Malaysia
I will try to make this as short as possible.

I am a 23 years old female. i’ve known about my dads affair since i was 11 or 12. Accepted it and moved on over the years, and thought he might have ended it since he seemed more present at home. Last year in September I found out he has two kids with another woman. The way he told me was simply by bringing them over to my apartment out of the blue. I cried like a mad woman after they left.

Coincidentally that was also the time my boyfriend came along. He has been a great support throughout everything. Things still suck at home, I rarely go back. My grandmother told me it’s my responsibility to fix this issue between my parents, which is just ridiculous. My dad doesn't look sorry for what he did. He even said if time were to turn back he would still choose to have those kids because it makes him happy.

My past relationship lasted three and a half year. He was an ass. He just left one day without saying anything. It took me almost a year to get over him, then not long after that I found out about my dads other family. It's been a chaotic few years.

So the issue now is, I cry everytime my boyfriend leaves the house. Whether it’s just for the night, whether he’s just going out with his friend, whether it’s just for a few days, I cry. I know very well that he loves me, I know him leaving the house isn’t equivalent to him breaking up with me but I can’t control it. I don't even know why I cry. I have good friends, I have hobbies, I used to love my own time and space, and living alone. I have always been very independent, but now it’s like i can’t live without my boyfriend. I know this isn’t healthy and I really want to fix this.

I know most people will suggest therapy, and I feel strongly that I need it too, but where I’m from (southeast asia), there aren’t a lot of therapist available. It’s still quite a rare thing here. Anyone has any idea what sort of mental illness I might have? Separation anxiety? Abandonment issues? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and take care. x
 
L

Lavendergirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
68
Location
London
I will try to make this as short as possible.

I am a 23 years old female. i’ve known about my dads affair since i was 11 or 12. Accepted it and moved on over the years, and thought he might have ended it since he seemed more present at home. Last year in September I found out he has two kids with another woman. The way he told me was simply by bringing them over to my apartment out of the blue. I cried like a mad woman after they left.

Coincidentally that was also the time my boyfriend came along. He has been a great support throughout everything. Things still suck at home, I rarely go back. My grandmother told me it’s my responsibility to fix this issue between my parents, which is just ridiculous. My dad doesn't look sorry for what he did. He even said if time were to turn back he would still choose to have those kids because it makes him happy.

My past relationship lasted three and a half year. He was an ass. He just left one day without saying anything. It took me almost a year to get over him, then not long after that I found out about my dads other family. It's been a chaotic few years.

So the issue now is, I cry everytime my boyfriend leaves the house. Whether it’s just for the night, whether he’s just going out with his friend, whether it’s just for a few days, I cry. I know very well that he loves me, I know him leaving the house isn’t equivalent to him breaking up with me but I can’t control it. I don't even know why I cry. I have good friends, I have hobbies, I used to love my own time and space, and living alone. I have always been very independent, but now it’s like i can’t live without my boyfriend. I know this isn’t healthy and I really want to fix this.

I know most people will suggest therapy, and I feel strongly that I need it too, but where I’m from (southeast asia), there aren’t a lot of therapist available. It’s still quite a rare thing here. Anyone has any idea what sort of mental illness I might have? Separation anxiety? Abandonment issues? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and take care. x
I'm no expert but I'm guessing a bit of both
You have had to deal with a lot
You are not responsible for your father's selfish actions
His having an entire other family must have caused you many issues
I hope you can get some therapy
If not maybe finding some literature on abandonment and separation anxiety could help
You can also find stuff on utube
Just look at the sensible stuff as some of it isn't so helpful
Keep posting here
I'm sure someone will come along with a similar experience
 
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