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Abandonment fears

K

Kmc92

New member
Joined
Nov 6, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Uk
So, I’m 26, I’ve struggled with relationships all of my life. I got told I displayed most of the problematic traits of BPD whilst undergoing ED treatment over this last year, it seems odd to say, but unfortunately I was deemed ‘too low risk’ for BPD specific treatment due to lack of attempts on my life (apparently the waiting lists are huge :\).
I broke up with a long term partner this time last year and it caused my behaviour to spiral, i was unable to be alone but incapable of finding a partner due to coming across as ‘insane’, jumping the gun and needing constant validation to soothe my terrible fears of being left alone with myself, my mind.
I have been in a subsequent relationship since June, he is great but terrifies me, he is an impulsive adventurer. The fear that continues to build in me that he will up and leave, no concern for me has driven me to despair. He assured me he won’t, but I’m so afraid this feeling hasn’t passed, I hoped it would but my complete terror of being left may just kill my relationship, I don’t know what I would do as a result.
Has anyone found any way at all to rationalise these fears, I’ve spoken to him, tried to explain it feels like I’m being burnt alive when my dear is triggered, but I don’t know what else I can do
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,138
Location
Nowhere
yes I get all that

when you say impulsive adventurer
what sort of things does he do ?

:welcome: :grouphug:
 
K

Kmc92

New member
Joined
Nov 6, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Uk
He makes statements of intentions to go off to foreign lands, he is confident in travelling and has worked all over the world. I am quite the anxious wreck without planning, the statements really trigger me as I immediately think “he’ll leave because he’s bored of me”, “he sees no future”, “he’s looking for better than me” etc.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,138
Location
Nowhere
well I like doing adventurous things
and if were going to stay with a guy
that would probably be because they like me doing adventurous things

not sure if that is any help to you though
im also very insecure in relationships !

how is your social life looking ?
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,009
Location
Norfolk
So, I’m 26, I’ve struggled with relationships all of my life. I got told I displayed most of the problematic traits of BPD whilst undergoing ED treatment over this last year, it seems odd to say, but unfortunately I was deemed ‘too low risk’ for BPD specific treatment due to lack of attempts on my life (apparently the waiting lists are huge :\).
I broke up with a long term partner this time last year and it caused my behaviour to spiral, i was unable to be alone but incapable of finding a partner due to coming across as ‘insane’, jumping the gun and needing constant validation to soothe my terrible fears of being left alone with myself, my mind.
I have been in a subsequent relationship since June, he is great but terrifies me, he is an impulsive adventurer. The fear that continues to build in me that he will up and leave, no concern for me has driven me to despair. He assured me he won’t, but I’m so afraid this feeling hasn’t passed, I hoped it would but my complete terror of being left may just kill my relationship, I don’t know what I would do as a result.
Has anyone found any way at all to rationalise these fears, I’ve spoken to him, tried to explain it feels like I’m being burnt alive when my dear is triggered, but I don’t know what else I can do
Hi. I had the same diagnosis as you and decided to visit a private psychologist for Dialectical Behavioural Therapy. There are also many self help books on the subject.
You are using what’s called emotional reasoning. It’s when your feelings dictate your thoughts. This can cause great anxiety by linking back to core negative beliefs about yourself.
Please rest assured you can learn to regulate your emotions. Until you find out how, Meditation Yoga Exercise will all help calm you and ease your emotional extremes.
 
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