AA, NA, and 12 step programmes in toto.

cloudberry

cloudberry

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
410
Location
North Lincolnshire
#21
AA and judgements from family - (personal experience)

Oh what a highly loaded thread for me...

My dad joined AA rather than die 19 years ago. Interestingly - he confsses he "never had a sponsor". OK.

My mum still crawls home from a night out at the pub with her cronies. My sister and I were rought up in a house of middle class lets drink all day boozers.

My sis drinks far too much and has been diagnosed MD / BP for fifteen years.
I drink far too much but am better than I was when I was suicidal. then there was nothing in my life to halt or care for, so a bottle (less actually but I was building up to a full bottle!) of vodka a day was minimum anaesthetic.

That was 2006. But from about 2002 my dad started telling me, in every single conversation we had - three ties a week - that I was an alcoholic.

It took me four years to try and prove him right. It was hard work. Being on and just coming off citalopram at the time I was really very agoraphobic. So would not go out, couldnt. So had to get someone else to get all the basics - bread, milk, cat food and booze.

I now just drink when I want to and have nothing to prove. Like 2yes Dad, I am an alcoholic like you - I'm in your gang" type thing. its just another form of abuse.

How do we define an alcohoic?
Well that is very personal. But for me, I've tried it. I tried very hard and in the end he sent me to a very expensive detox thing for a week. Then praised me because I chose not to do the follow up three weeks at the cost of £7000. The one week was £2800.

I took one look at this country house in North Lincs and thought - I dont think so. It was cold, dirty and all together a total rip off.

It doesnt surprise me that I got through the first week in the detox clinic with no ill effects from not drinking. As I can not drink now for days on end if I CHOOSE and have no physical or detrimental effects at all. I drink because I like it. thats the bottom line.

But I dont have to do it. Every day or anytime. i just like it. it helps me cope and I do it for boredom, loneliness and to cope with boredom and loneliness. Its a better anaesthetic for me than the wild madness of Citalopram. God forbid!

So, I was labelled an alcoholic by my dad. According to his thinking, anyone who had nmore than the odd glass of sherry is an alci.

I hasten to say - if I dont drink, I dont get the shakes. Whenn he was telling me I was an alcoholic and I tried tolive up to it I did shake by 11am unless I hit the vodka bottle. I havnt done that for over two years now.

I have attended many AA meetings and I found they made me even more depressed.

I am currently finally having psychotherapy and my doctor is not focussing on alhohol. I have only once turned up drunk to a session and that was when I didnt have the balls to tell her something really core tat I needed to get off my chest. it was a case of Dutch Courage . I'm sober as much as I want to be.

Alcohol has never ot me into debt, nor taken anything away from me that I didnt want anyway.

Going to AA meetings when i was really deply distressed and depressed - at the insistence of my father (he pays my bills). as making me worse. I quite quickly found that sharing space with such degenerate (mostly) men was har work and really rather disgusting as a woman.

And I couldnt "relate" even to the women - who described stealing credit cards for booze, ripping their family and friends off, being absolutely dishonest and basically criminal. I didnt like mixing with that sort of person.

I'm not saying I am too good for that. i used to be a therapist. Nothing shocks me. But i have never stolen to feed a booze habit and have resented this "Labelling" done by my father.

Its still going on.

Smiles - rest assured, I've enjoyed a couple of Carlesburgs this evening and I and my cats are fine. I'm up in the morning as I am every morning for my vol work.

In a word - decide for yourself.

You are your worst enemy or your own best friend.

cloudberry
 
cloudberry

cloudberry

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
410
Location
North Lincolnshire
#22
Typos

My computer is in for mending. And I am on a friends who has been kind enough to lend it to me. The key board doesnt keep up with my typing ( I touch type). So please ignore all the typos in my thread. It looks like I am totally pissed...... ! I wish! well - you have to laugh.

s


Oh what a highly loaded thread for me...

My dad joined AA rather than die 19 years ago. Interestingly - he confsses he "never had a sponsor". OK.

My mum still crawls home from a night out at the pub with her cronies. My sister and I were rought up in a house of middle class lets drink all day boozers.

My sis drinks far too much and has been diagnosed MD / BP for fifteen years.
I drink far too much but am better than I was when I was suicidal. then there was nothing in my life to halt or care for, so a bottle (less actually but I was building up to a full bottle!) of vodka a day was minimum anaesthetic.

That was 2006. But from about 2002 my dad started telling me, in every single conversation we had - three ties a week - that I was an alcoholic.

It took me four years to try and prove him right. It was hard work. Being on and just coming off citalopram at the time I was really very agoraphobic. So would not go out, couldnt. So had to get someone else to get all the basics - bread, milk, cat food and booze.

I now just drink when I want to and have nothing to prove. Like 2yes Dad, I am an alcoholic like you - I'm in your gang" type thing. its just another form of abuse.

How do we define an alcohoic?
Well that is very personal. But for me, I've tried it. I tried very hard and in the end he sent me to a very expensive detox thing for a week. Then praised me because I chose not to do the follow up three weeks at the cost of £7000. The one week was £2800.

I took one look at this country house in North Lincs and thought - I dont think so. It was cold, dirty and all together a total rip off.

It doesnt surprise me that I got through the first week in the detox clinic with no ill effects from not drinking. As I can not drink now for days on end if I CHOOSE and have no physical or detrimental effects at all. I drink because I like it. thats the bottom line.

But I dont have to do it. Every day or anytime. i just like it. it helps me cope and I do it for boredom, loneliness and to cope with boredom and loneliness. Its a better anaesthetic for me than the wild madness of Citalopram. God forbid!

So, I was labelled an alcoholic by my dad. According to his thinking, anyone who had nmore than the odd glass of sherry is an alci.

I hasten to say - if I dont drink, I dont get the shakes. Whenn he was telling me I was an alcoholic and I tried tolive up to it I did shake by 11am unless I hit the vodka bottle. I havnt done that for over two years now.

I have attended many AA meetings and I found they made me even more depressed.

I am currently finally having psychotherapy and my doctor is not focussing on alhohol. I have only once turned up drunk to a session and that was when I didnt have the balls to tell her something really core tat I needed to get off my chest. it was a case of Dutch Courage . I'm sober as much as I want to be.

Alcohol has never ot me into debt, nor taken anything away from me that I didnt want anyway.

Going to AA meetings when i was really deply distressed and depressed - at the insistence of my father (he pays my bills). as making me worse. I quite quickly found that sharing space with such degenerate (mostly) men was har work and really rather disgusting as a woman.

And I couldnt "relate" even to the women - who described stealing credit cards for booze, ripping their family and friends off, being absolutely dishonest and basically criminal. I didnt like mixing with that sort of person.

I'm not saying I am too good for that. i used to be a therapist. Nothing shocks me. But i have never stolen to feed a booze habit and have resented this "Labelling" done by my father.

Its still going on.

Smiles - rest assured, I've enjoyed a couple of Carlesburgs this evening and I and my cats are fine. I'm up in the morning as I am every morning for my vol work.

In a word - decide for yourself.

You are your worst enemy or your own best friend.

cloudberry
 
bluenomore

bluenomore

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 30, 2009
Messages
5,532
#23
My experience fwiw...

Started attending NA/AA meetings in Thailand. It was difficult at first because I would just turn up at meetings and start crying uncontrollably. I started to get frustrated as people just said to me "keep coming back". Also I regarded myself as an atheist and had a hard time with the 'God as you understand Him' phrase.

I persevered though, and at least I was able to be in the company of others who understood some of the things I was going through. We held meetings on beaches, inside Buddhist temples; it was a calming, safe place to share.

Eventually though, i was in such a mess I had to return to England. By some strange coincidence, I had met an English guy who'd been on holiday and who was a drug worker and ran a 12 step meeting close to where my parent's lived in England. He arranged for another member (who I'd never met) to pick me up from Heathrow airport when I returned to the UK.

I started to going to meetings (at least 100 in 100 days). I had the use of my parent's car and would give lifts to ppl. I started working through the steps with my sponsor (the guy I'd met in Thailand). I really got into the 'Big Book' but something wasn't right with me. I started to feel I was being brainwashed. Maybe i just felt an anti-group thing.

One day I had a relapse (with an addict I'd been giving a lift) and went on a crack binge that lasted a week.

Since then, I've managed to stay off drugs but I now have a negative vibe about the 12 step meetings. Don't get me wrong. There are a lot of great ppl who attend the meetings, and there's a lot to be said for mutual support among recovering addicts.

But it wasn't for me. Just my 2 penny / 2 cent / 2 baht's worth

x blue