- Feb 22, 2015
- Stockport, Manchester
I'll start by saying I suffer from both Bipolar Disorder and S.A.D so for me things right now are very emotionally intense. Last April my long term relationship of over 3 years ended with my girlfriend in very tense and negative reasons. Around the same time I was found to suffer from cluster headaches as well which caused me great deals of physical pain as well as emotional on top which led me to become violently angry and inconsolable for long periods of time where it put strain on friendships and family from my unpredictable behaviour. Those wounds haven't healed, and where I have come to terms with the loss of my relationship I have found I am lonelier than I have ever been even when Im surrounded by caring, loving people in my life. All I do is look around and think about how ahppy everyone else is with significant others and how I somehow I am wrong physically or in someway unwanted by people. I have had no woman take an interest in me since then and seeing all my friends find people and be happy has left me feeling so afraid of wanting to do things with them because I don't want to interfere int heir happy relationships while Im upset. I just feel so angry and jealous of them like, whats wrong with me? Why can't I find someone? I have no idea what to do, Ive tried online dating, Ive gone to different places to otry to meet new people and Im looked straight through. I really have no idea what to do now. I just want to run and run and run far away to somewhere and pretend Ive died. I'm ashamed of myself for feeling liek this and for feeling completely beta to everyone else out there. I just feel completely insignificant.