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A Small Miracle Occurred

A

amber1

Active member
Joined
Jan 29, 2015
Messages
43
I was in such a hellish mental state yesterday and was fully prepared to wake up in Hell this morning, but praise be, it didn't happen. I lay awake for a couple of hours trying to calmly think things through (the past that led up to the latest 'psychotic' episode) and pray to my Higher Power. I felt a sense of peace and inner power overtake me and fell into a restful sleep. Woke this morning feeling comfortable and at peace.

I can't describe how grateful I am not to be in the hell I had anticipated (which has been the pattern on previous occasions when recovering from an episode.

Interacting on this forum has helped a bit, as did emailing a spiritually-minded friend and talking to my Mum on the phone for the first time in a few weeks. I may go and visit her today I haven't decided yet. I had been totally dreading this weekend but now feel more accepting of whatever it holds.

Of course I'm not out of the woods. But talking to my beloved Mum I felt love in my heart again and when praying to my Higher Power. If I can still feel love and haven't become a stony hearted monster as I had feared, there's still hope for me.

I want to keep my resolve to stay away from suicidal thoughts and suicide websites. That had become a peculiar sort of coping strategy for me for quite a while but I think it came back to bite me in the ass. It allowed and encouraged me to become very isolated.

Anyway, I just wanted to check in with you guys this morning after my posts yesterday where I felt pretty desperate. Wishing you all something good for today.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
It's good to hear a positive side and I'm glad you're feeling calmer and better than you were.

I hope your weekend is going well.
 
A

amber1

Active member
Joined
Jan 29, 2015
Messages
43
Thanks purplechaos, well the day held both light and darker moments, like most days I guess. Today I am still low and somewhat anxious (jittery feeling in stomach) but it's nothing new to me. I am focusing on trying to forgive myself and be gentle and kind to myself through this process.
 
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