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A reason not to give up hope....

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LilMissLost

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2010
Messages
125
Location
Essex
I had just reached the point this morning when i woke up and i had lost all hope again, sure many of you know it all too well. I was sick of the fact that at a time when my moods are all over the place due to frequent and incorrect meds changes since diagnosis, i had to book yet another doctors appointment and try to tell her what iv been experiencing over the last 2 weeks. I was also sick of them not actually listening to what i was saying and making there own assumptions on how i was feeling.

Just for the record when i was diagnosed by psychiatrist, i was put on a mood stabiliser and an antipsychotic, told to carry on seeing doctor until 5 months time when i get to go back to psychiatrist, since then my doctor decided i was depressed after having awful side effects from the anti psychotic and put me back on an antidepressant even though i told her i wasnt depressed, it didnt agree again and has set off in my opinion what is some sort of rapid cycling.

Well this morning i reached suicidal point, i have never seriously thought about it and been that close to doing it, i tried phoning my doctors but put phone down before talking to anyone as couldnt bear to go down there in such a state, i was beside myself crying because i had lost hope that things could ever get any better, and then later that day the phone rang, it was the doctor who id seen last who took me off the antidepressants, saying theyd spoken to psychiatrist and he had got an alternative to my anti psychotic and it was available for me to pick up today, well doctors never phone me so i saw this as a very big sign that there is always hope, even when you really really think there isnt anymore, the relief was and still is immense and im just so glad that i didnt do anything silly, im going to try to remember this and if i do lose hope again hopefully it will remind me that there is always hope somehow, thinking of you all :hug:
 
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Deremna

Guest
Glad you were able to pull yourself out of it.. There is always hope but I understand all to well that sometimes it's almost impossible to see it. I just keep holding out for the day when I can honestly smile and say with certainty that I am happy.
 
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warriorprincess

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
1,306
Location
Cool St, Coolville
Hey lilmisslost so glad to read what you've written.
Sometimes I think we are looking for such big changes that we maybe lose sight of some of the little things that are going to help. But having said that, I don't often think that when I actually need to, but reading your post has made me think more about that. So glad you got a helping hand at least today, like you say, it's something positive to look forward to, that these tablets may help in 'doing the trick'. fingers crossed for you....

it does feel to me like baby steps is all i can take at the mo, and for now that's fine by me, but it's a hell of a knife edge to be on most of the time eh. looking forward to some stability or some control, some day... let us know how the new meds are doing for you, and hope you continue in feeling positive about things. You've given me a little hope so thank you.

xxx
 
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LilMissLost

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2010
Messages
125
Location
Essex
Glad you were able to pull yourself out of it.. There is always hope but I understand all to well that sometimes it's almost impossible to see it. I just keep holding out for the day when I can honestly smile and say with certainty that I am happy.
That is so true Deremna, there is always hope but sometimes it is impossible to see it, I hope you find that day soon, i too am holding out for that day, and yes i guess i did pull myself out of it but it just took a little help or a sign as i saw it from people who know how to help, guess thats why iv been feeling so hopeless lately as i didnt think anyone could help. Had also just told my boyfriend how i had been feeling and he was a little shocked and dissapointed to say the least, i really didnt know how i was going to get out of that one until the phone rang. All the best Deremna x

Hey lilmisslost so glad to read what you've written.
Sometimes I think we are looking for such big changes that we maybe lose sight of some of the little things that are going to help. But having said that, I don't often think that when I actually need to, but reading your post has made me think more about that. So glad you got a helping hand at least today, like you say, it's something positive to look forward to, that these tablets may help in 'doing the trick'. fingers crossed for you....

it does feel to me like baby steps is all i can take at the mo, and for now that's fine by me, but it's a hell of a knife edge to be on most of the time eh. looking forward to some stability or some control, some day... let us know how the new meds are doing for you, and hope you continue in feeling positive about things. You've given me a little hope so thank you.

xxx
Hey Warrior Princess,
That is also true, i guess i was thinking about making some big changes as none of the little ones had seemed to work, i was desperately annoyed with my doctors as i was convinced i wasnt getting the help i needed, the phonecall yesterday has made me put things into perspective again, i can never trust my own judgement as i end up changing things in my head, so often need lots of guidance to make right choices. Stability and control sound amazing dont they! Well done with your baby steps iv been hiding from everything again so time for me to start taking some too i guess! Going to try and stay positive as it helps so much, just so hard to find it when you lose it! Hope you have been ok and thanks for reply :) xx Glad you have got a little more hope too!

I feel a bit silly reading my thread back because something so trivial for me such a tiny thing gave me hope again, but maybe for others it takes more than that, i guess i shouldve named it a reason for me not to give up hope, i do hope you all see my thoughts behind it though, basicly that there is always hope, and dont lose sight of that fact!
 
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warriorprincess

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
1,306
Location
Cool St, Coolville
You really shouldn't feel silly at all - in fact your reply to me has also helped me realise certain traits in myself - the bit about making decisions being so hard because our heads change perspective so much, and i never trust my own judgement as it can be seconds before i'm off taking another spin on things. I haven't been able to put it in such good words to describe to my doctor, but i feel that is a big factor in my life. so thanks for that.
yeh keep taking little steps, as i do think it's the best way to move forward (this is how i'm thinking now!) - but i know how most of the time i want everything now, or yesterday even, but that doesn't help, because then when it doesn't happen like that i see it as some sort of failure. I think that's one of the major things i like when I am high, and i do stop to notice all the little things that make the bigger picture. hope you stay on these tracks for a while, keep going, and in my opinion don't ever feel silly for things you write on here. I'm sure i've written much more trivial stuff on here, but the point of this place to me is, I can be myself on here at least, and it's a little haven from the pretence of normality that i try so hard to keep down. It's been such a relief coming on here in the last few weeks and understanding what others have written and being understood. and actually it's not trivial at all because it's a step towards giving you a life you deserve to enjoy, and I think that's what we all hope for, no matter what level we're at. so i'm sure your positivity will help others as it has helped me.

Soldier on sweet, xxx
 
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calastars

Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2010
Messages
20
Location
Glasgow
Hi LilMissLost, thank you so much for sharing that....i am going through very much the same as you at the moment, I am trying my best to understand that there is no quick fix, thanks again xx
 
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terri

Guest
Hi LilMissLost, thank you so much for sharing that....i am going through very much the same as you at the moment, I am trying my best to understand that there is no quick fix, thanks again xx
hello I am new here.

can I join in the debate, or do I have to do tell someone first or doh not. I don't understand how the forum works and somy spellin if nop so good so do pleafe help me and let me be your friend. so no offenfe caufed to no one i hope. so so slong for now....

mmm cherries r imms
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
hello I am new here.

can I join in the debate, or do I have to do tell someone first or doh not. I don't understand how the forum works and somy spellin if nop so good so do pleafe help me and let me be your friend. so no offenfe caufed to no one i hope. so so slong for now....

mmm cherries r imms
cherry - yup cn ose u speel chicker too holp wid yop speelin, dat wud prodable mak et eseer too speel....so on & so forth...
 
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warriorprincess

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
1,306
Location
Cool St, Coolville
cherry - yup cn ose u speel chicker too holp wid yop speelin, dat wud prodable mak et eseer too speel....so on & so forth...

haha that's funny and totally topped off my day as a good one, along with the sunshine!

To cherie, yep that's how it works, we're all mates on here but would definitely recommend the use of a spellchecker. Hope you're ok,

hugs to everyone I'm feeling generous! xxx
 
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LilMissLost

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2010
Messages
125
Location
Essex
Calastars, so glad it helped, think that is my main problem... my need to understand it all! I feel until i do i dont know which way to go but there is hope and i wish you all the best xx

Cherie welcome and just join in, we are all friends here going through similar experiences, and without these people im not sure where i would be now, i can understand most of what you wrote :)

Warrior Princess, its funny how hearing it said by someone else make things a bit clearer in your own mind, and reassures me that i am experiencing stuff that other people are too, the bit you just wrote about wanting it done now or yesterday and seeing it as failure otherwise, that is so true, i get that all the time.

I love being high but i very rarely get a long lasting one now it seems to switch into irritable, moodyness that is what im dealing with most of the time id say, am wondering where my happy highs went, did i put a stop to them by not going out drinking and getting myself into tricky situations, trouble is i cant go back to how it was as i have responsibilities now, i feel i am suppressing who i am in order to behave how i should, maybe i should just dye my hair and go to the odd festival just to remind me i can feel alive again! it is a relief coming on here warriorprincess, cant ever imagine saying half the stuff i write to anyone! wishing you all the very best tonight :hug:
 
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calastars

Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2010
Messages
20
Location
Glasgow
LilMissLost....I am an alcoholic but gratefully now after many attemps over a few years, am in recovery now two years....I am just realising that I have to work on my acceptance of this illness we have, this is what I have to do on a daily basis to stop me picking up a drink, it is tough but worth every minute, depression or not.
 
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LilMissLost

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2010
Messages
125
Location
Essex
LilMissLost....I am an alcoholic but gratefully now after many attemps over a few years, am in recovery now two years....I am just realising that I have to work on my acceptance of this illness we have, this is what I have to do on a daily basis to stop me picking up a drink, it is tough but worth every minute, depression or not.
You deserve a massive round of applause :clap: :clap:
Well done you, i am by no means anywhere near recovering, never thought i had that much of a problem... Im a drug addict... there i said it, every day i have to have some weed or i probably wouldve done someone some serious damage by now. Some people say weed isnt addictive but iv always disagreed as the calming effect it has on me is amazing.

Since iv been on my meds i have tried to stop drinking which i have stuck to fairly alright, have just been having the one if i go out for a meal but the damn barmaids trying to get you to have a double is unbearable, i was a girl who just lived for drinking times and drug binges, so you have done so so well!

You are so right in that we need to accept the illness and what it does so we can stop picking that drink up, i need to make a serious effort to quit everything and keep it that way. I hope i find the courage from somewhere eventually :)
 
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