A Really Hard Day

valleygirl

valleygirl

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#1
I woke up feeling like shit today. Didn't want to wake up. Just wanted to sleep all day. Didn't want it to be the anniversary of my cousin's murder. I got up too late to have a shower, and I just could not move my body fast enough. I didn't have time to finish my smoothie, or cut up veggies for my lunch. When I was walking out the front door of my apartment building, I realized I didn't have my thermos of tea in my hand. I had my lunch, and my circle time bag. So I went back upstairs, only to discover my thermos was neatly tucked inside my bag. I went back downstairs, and realized I hadn't take my meds for acid reflux, so I ran back upstairs and grabbed my meds, and went back downstairs. As I was walking to my car, I realized I didn't have my water bottle (it got up to 30 degrees today), but there was no time to go back upstairs a third time without being late for work.

When I got to work, I realized I hadn't brought my art materials (I work in daycare). Things got a bit better at work, and somehow I managed to make my coworker laugh with my story of dashing up and down the stairs. At lunch I went back home to get all the things I had forgotten. I was okay at work, but as soon as I got off work my mood began to slide again. Just feeling such despair. I don't care about cooking or eating. My apartment has gotten into a really bad state again. I've been trying to get it cleaned up, but I have so little energy and I've been getting crippling anxiety where I just look around and feel so overwhelmed by the mess and I don't know where to begin. I am dreading getting a notice of entry and keep expecting to see it on my door when I get home. In my head I know i should just tackle one area at a time and do a little bit every day, but I am so exhausted when I get home from work. Tonight I feel like I just want to go to bed and not wake up.
 
R

Rusalochka

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#2
I'm sorry about this. And about your cousin's death.
Try your best to take things easy, one step at a time. I know it's easier said than done, but take breaks whenever you need to. Maybe going to bed earlier would help so you can rest longer? What hobbies do you have? You can try out your favorite hobbies at home to help fight depression.

:hug1:
 
A

AvicennaD

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Jun 23, 2018
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#3
I had thia tired feeling yesterday, and it's been continuing until now. Even since my last panic attack and I have been on the run. Now a year later I feel tired of this continuous concern, I really crave to be mental illness free for one week so I can refresh and maybe get back to the work I do inside my head. I'm a university student I'm grateful I only have one subject now. You are not alone in this mindless tiring feeling.
 
B

brightyellow

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#4
You can fight that feeling. Do more things that make you happy.:flowers:
 
M

MomLeslieM

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Aug 28, 2017
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#5
I'm so very sorry that you're feeling the way you are. It's hard to cope with anniversaries and special occasions after people we love die, especially when it is unexpected like a murder :-( It sounds like you're doing a good job trying to keep moving forward and the little things that you're forgetting are somewhat natural given how you're feeling even though it is frustrating to you. I'm glad you were able to make your co-worker laugh and enjoy the children at work. Try to find one thing each day to laugh about and enjoy - even when you don't feel like it. Do you have a friend who can come over and work with you to clean up your apartment - things are always easier with a friend and usually quicker too! See if someone can come over even if they just sit and encourage you while you do the work!! I'm hoping you start to feel better soon....
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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#6
I need extra sleep on a more or less regular basis. I don't feel as bad about it anymore after David told me that crashing out for a day or falling asleep in the recliner is exhaustion.

I say that if you are craving sleep then you must need it. I'd say pack your bag for tomorrow and go to bed, it's emotional, mental and body rest.
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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#7
Thank you. I ended up going on Crisis Chat last night, and it was good to be able to chat online. I know most of you in the UK are probably in bed by the time I get home from work. (I live in Canada) I ended up unloading my dishwasher and putting in the last load of dishes before I went to bed last night.

Today was a better day. When we were bringing the children inside for lunch, I was helping one child put on her slippers. Another little boy, almost 3, who had had a rough start to the day because he didn't sleep well, came and stood right in front of me. "Fiona," he said. "I love you to the moon and back." My heart melted right then and there. Earlier, when we were playing outside, several times he had tentatively stood in front of me, looking at me with pleading eyes, so I gave him a little hug, and then he would go on with his play.
I'm so very sorry that you're feeling the way you are. It's hard to cope with anniversaries and special occasions after people we love die, especially when it is unexpected like a murder :-( It sounds like you're doing a good job trying to keep moving forward and the little things that you're forgetting are somewhat natural given how you're feeling even though it is frustrating to you. I'm glad you were able to make your co-worker laugh and enjoy the children at work. Try to find one thing each day to laugh about and enjoy - even when you don't feel like it. Do you have a friend who can come over and work with you to clean up your apartment - things are always easier with a friend and usually quicker too! See if someone can come over even if they just sit and encourage you while you do the work!! I'm hoping you start to feel better soon....
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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#8
Yeah, I do that pretty much every Saturday, except for when I am doing respite for the foster parents, like I will be doing this weekend. I am looking forward to seeing them.
I need extra sleep on a more or less regular basis. I don't feel as bad about it anymore after David told me that crashing out for a day or falling asleep in the recliner is exhaustion.

I say that if you are craving sleep then you must need it. I'd say pack your bag for tomorrow and go to bed, it's emotional, mental and body rest.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
#9
Hey, CONGRATULATIONS!, on the dishes! You know I like the flylady routine. Her number one thing is keeping the sinks emptied and shined. She never tells you to do dishes but ..it's necessary to keeping up the sinks. I have often wondered if you have a dishwasher, glad to hear that you do! I have made it my number 1 routine and I now do it on auto pilot.
The rest of the house is a disaster but the dishes are always done (or in the dishwasher waiting for a full load) and the sinks shined.
And I empty trash cans immediately as needed.

I cringe at the thought of letting anyone in. I am having so much trouble following the rest of the program even tho I know it works extremely well.

So for now, it is the 2 routines that I do automatically now and have added plus 1 chore,..which can be anything. Yesterday it was a load of laundry.

that is such a heart warming story about the little boy. It didn't take him long to suss out who had a loving heart!

I am operating on the cause and effect principle as much as I am able. Trying to do some things in the now day that will result in positive effects/a reward. ie keeping to a good sleep hygiene schedule. reading a book for pleasure for 1/2-1 hour before bed, opening the blinds in the morning, eating breakfast, vitamins, etc. Today I hope to clean up one leg of the L shaped countertop. Just sharing my attempt at living more well.

I hope you have a wonderful day!
 

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