sakana
Member
hi! probably a tw
i've lost weight after being sick for a couple of months, and now I'm better, though not completely healthy. I'm a girl, and this summer I gained weight. I own scales but they're out of batteries and honestly it's for the best I think.
I never addressed my issue properly, so I thought getting it out there could help. Over the last 4 years i've been exercising, quitting, gaining weight by binge eating and not caring what I eat, losing weight by barely eating at all. the scary part is I like losing weight. not as in 'oh, that's good, I feel better, probably gonna lose a few kilos and stop at that'. nope, it's toxic thoughts and feeling sick to the stomach. I want to lose more weight, because it hypothetically will make me feel better. I do feel and look better, but my perception of myself is distorted. exercising turned into an obsessive thing as well. I did it not because I feel better and it's good for your health, but because I wanted to feel less heavy. I was never obese in the first place. Just looked normal.
also - stomach pains (+ kidney pains). I ruined my good digestion, so feeling of heaviness after I eat is almost always there. I take regular meds for better digestion but they often don't help. I eat relatively healthy, save cookies and sometimes candies.
I feel better when I don't eat, but after that comes a stinging pain in my stomach, signifying - hey dude, we're hungry. So I eat and feel guilty, fat, swelled. at the same time I love all types of bodies and never body shame anyone, ever, it's like that only when I think about myself. Been bullied at school, of course, not too bad though. Heard comments from 'friends' that's stuck with me.
There are days/weeks when I feel significantly better, but it eventually gets as bad as it was every time. The bad part is, because of the sickness I rarely ate and was in bed, but now I have to attend uni classes and eat more. It's tough. I take food with me and eat during breaks. Sometimes I'm late and just buy a pack of juice. After I eat I feel not good and get extra anxious, so being around classmates sucks. Hell, I know no one cares and no one even looks at me, but still. Add occasional panic attacks and a promise of depression. I feel miserable and alone (and I am, my best friends are far, far away and I'm always happier when they're around), though I'm trying to be better and actively try to change things.
This feels like a rant, but I just don't know. Can't afford therapist rn (or ever) so I seek helpful tips or maybe similar to mine stories? How do you cope with things like that? would appreciate links to other threads, too
i've lost weight after being sick for a couple of months, and now I'm better, though not completely healthy. I'm a girl, and this summer I gained weight. I own scales but they're out of batteries and honestly it's for the best I think.
I never addressed my issue properly, so I thought getting it out there could help. Over the last 4 years i've been exercising, quitting, gaining weight by binge eating and not caring what I eat, losing weight by barely eating at all. the scary part is I like losing weight. not as in 'oh, that's good, I feel better, probably gonna lose a few kilos and stop at that'. nope, it's toxic thoughts and feeling sick to the stomach. I want to lose more weight, because it hypothetically will make me feel better. I do feel and look better, but my perception of myself is distorted. exercising turned into an obsessive thing as well. I did it not because I feel better and it's good for your health, but because I wanted to feel less heavy. I was never obese in the first place. Just looked normal.
also - stomach pains (+ kidney pains). I ruined my good digestion, so feeling of heaviness after I eat is almost always there. I take regular meds for better digestion but they often don't help. I eat relatively healthy, save cookies and sometimes candies.
I feel better when I don't eat, but after that comes a stinging pain in my stomach, signifying - hey dude, we're hungry. So I eat and feel guilty, fat, swelled. at the same time I love all types of bodies and never body shame anyone, ever, it's like that only when I think about myself. Been bullied at school, of course, not too bad though. Heard comments from 'friends' that's stuck with me.
There are days/weeks when I feel significantly better, but it eventually gets as bad as it was every time. The bad part is, because of the sickness I rarely ate and was in bed, but now I have to attend uni classes and eat more. It's tough. I take food with me and eat during breaks. Sometimes I'm late and just buy a pack of juice. After I eat I feel not good and get extra anxious, so being around classmates sucks. Hell, I know no one cares and no one even looks at me, but still. Add occasional panic attacks and a promise of depression. I feel miserable and alone (and I am, my best friends are far, far away and I'm always happier when they're around), though I'm trying to be better and actively try to change things.
This feels like a rant, but I just don't know. Can't afford therapist rn (or ever) so I seek helpful tips or maybe similar to mine stories? How do you cope with things like that? would appreciate links to other threads, too
