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A rant + have trouble eating after illness

sakana

sakana

Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2021
Messages
6
Location
Eastern Europe
hi! probably a tw
i've lost weight after being sick for a couple of months, and now I'm better, though not completely healthy. I'm a girl, and this summer I gained weight. I own scales but they're out of batteries and honestly it's for the best I think.
I never addressed my issue properly, so I thought getting it out there could help. Over the last 4 years i've been exercising, quitting, gaining weight by binge eating and not caring what I eat, losing weight by barely eating at all. the scary part is I like losing weight. not as in 'oh, that's good, I feel better, probably gonna lose a few kilos and stop at that'. nope, it's toxic thoughts and feeling sick to the stomach. I want to lose more weight, because it hypothetically will make me feel better. I do feel and look better, but my perception of myself is distorted. exercising turned into an obsessive thing as well. I did it not because I feel better and it's good for your health, but because I wanted to feel less heavy. I was never obese in the first place. Just looked normal.
also - stomach pains (+ kidney pains). I ruined my good digestion, so feeling of heaviness after I eat is almost always there. I take regular meds for better digestion but they often don't help. I eat relatively healthy, save cookies and sometimes candies.

I feel better when I don't eat, but after that comes a stinging pain in my stomach, signifying - hey dude, we're hungry. So I eat and feel guilty, fat, swelled. at the same time I love all types of bodies and never body shame anyone, ever, it's like that only when I think about myself. Been bullied at school, of course, not too bad though. Heard comments from 'friends' that's stuck with me.

There are days/weeks when I feel significantly better, but it eventually gets as bad as it was every time. The bad part is, because of the sickness I rarely ate and was in bed, but now I have to attend uni classes and eat more. It's tough. I take food with me and eat during breaks. Sometimes I'm late and just buy a pack of juice. After I eat I feel not good and get extra anxious, so being around classmates sucks. Hell, I know no one cares and no one even looks at me, but still. Add occasional panic attacks and a promise of depression. I feel miserable and alone (and I am, my best friends are far, far away and I'm always happier when they're around), though I'm trying to be better and actively try to change things.

This feels like a rant, but I just don't know. Can't afford therapist rn (or ever) so I seek helpful tips or maybe similar to mine stories? How do you cope with things like that? would appreciate links to other threads, too
 
S

Serayah

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Saipan
I hear it's good to eat whenever you feel hungry, even if it's just a little bit so you don't spoil your next meal. Just some healthy stuff here and there. Also, eat slowly because the stomach doesn't know it's full until 15 minutes after.

These are some tips I've learned along the way that helped me so I don't feel crappy all the time. Starving yourself will make you feel crappier, so snacking every now and then keeps your stomach happy and you won't feel so hungry come mealtime. Eating slow improves digestion and when you eat at a right pace you won't accidentally over stuff yourself. I know how that feels when you're so full that you're miserable. I also eat with a small plate, so that my brain will think it's full even when it's not.

I'm not telling you these things to lose weight, just to feel a little better physically. I honest to God wish I could tell you how to cope with your self-image, because I am in the same boat you are in, sis. When it comes to the mental part of the battle I feel defeated some days.

I stopped when I saw your thread, because our stories are amazingly similar. Just last month I got sick and lost a bunch of weight. People were worried, but after I saw how much weight I lost (I didn't realize how much I gained!) I was sucked back into a low self-image loop. I was more conscious of how I ate and grew miserable whenever I felt full. Funny thing is I am still in the loop, but after reading your post I knew that you understand what I'm going through.

Safe living, Sakana. And last advice: doing something good makes you feel good. Do a good deed, check in on a friend, or make an anonymous donation. I really hope any bit of this helps you today.



Or just smoke weed. Allow yourself to expand your horizons, you know?


-S.
 
sakana

sakana

Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2021
Messages
6
Location
Eastern Europe
I hear it's good to eat whenever you feel hungry, even if it's just a little bit so you don't spoil your next meal. Just some healthy stuff here and there. Also, eat slowly because the stomach doesn't know it's full until 15 minutes after.

These are some tips I've learned along the way that helped me so I don't feel crappy all the time. Starving yourself will make you feel crappier, so snacking every now and then keeps your stomach happy and you won't feel so hungry come mealtime. Eating slow improves digestion and when you eat at a right pace you won't accidentally over stuff yourself. I know how that feels when you're so full that you're miserable. I also eat with a small plate, so that my brain will think it's full even when it's not.

I'm not telling you these things to lose weight, just to feel a little better physically. I honest to God wish I could tell you how to cope with your self-image, because I am in the same boat you are in, sis. When it comes to the mental part of the battle I feel defeated some days.

I stopped when I saw your thread, because our stories are amazingly similar. Just last month I got sick and lost a bunch of weight. People were worried, but after I saw how much weight I lost (I didn't realize how much I gained!) I was sucked back into a low self-image loop. I was more conscious of how I ate and grew miserable whenever I felt full. Funny thing is I am still in the loop, but after reading your post I knew that you understand what I'm going through.

Safe living, Sakana. And last advice: doing something good makes you feel good. Do a good deed, check in on a friend, or make an anonymous donation. I really hope any bit of this helps you today.



Or just smoke weed. Allow yourself to expand your horizons, you know?


-S.
knowing that someone relates to my problems is heart warming. I don't know, just the fact that you understand me makes me feel better.
these are useful tips, I've tried it, but that's a good reminder to not drop it and continue. I've heard weed is fun but I don't think it'd be good for me personally haha
today I'm better. forced myself to whip up a breakfast and ate later, it was good. had lunch, too. some sweets to keep the brain working. we'll learn to love food and ourselves sometime
also engaging with fandoms helps a lot. translating, drawing, just reading and keeping in touch with fellow fans - these are nice things to distract from and forget real world for a couple hours.
best wishes, serayah <3
 
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