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Hi Suki
I think Oneday has hit the nail on the head.
We must accept that the nature of reality is unknown. In fact much of what we call 'reality' is a kind of shared agreement between people. When our experiencing of reality falls out of sync with the group's, it can be an isolating experience.
I have gone through numerous shifts in my experiencing of reality. What I learnt was to not isolate myself too much with regards offloading what I was experiencing and how it was making me feel. I also learnt that not only was it weird, frightening and anxiety-forming for me, but likewise for the majority of people I disclosed it to. It doesn't take much for the average person to feel afraid when the fabric of reality is challenged - it's why horror films are so popular.
I also learnt that it could prove very self-defeating to disclose my altered experiencing of reality to psychiatrists - or at least, I learnt to be very careful about editing it down. A bit like editing a Stephen King novel into a form suitable for young children to read. This is because in many ways psychiatrists are employed by society to representatively react with horror to someone's altered experiencing of reality. Instead of say 300 people screaming and crapping their pants in the auditorium in reaction to the horror film, the psychiatrist is sent in ahead of them to react objectively. It's all rather like the British Film Board Classification team. If you want to get your film rated and given license to show to others, you've got to be careful not to push the envelope too far. However, if you get your 18 rating, instead of popcorn, think popping pills. You may be offered psychotherapy if you get a PG.
I'm rambling and enjoying this anaology. Because I've only just now thought of it as I type it may not make a great deal of sense. I apologise for that. I'll give this further thought and do another draft!
Overall though my advice is to find someone you can trust to talk about your experiences with. It really does help immensely to offload, whether it's about a bad day at work, some gitty neighbour that's doing your head in, or some flamboyantly imaginative retelling of the nature of time and existence. Holding anything stressy inside is never a good idea.
I've always personally subscribed to the belief that pretty much ALL that gets described as 'psychosis' has some symbolic, individual meaning and that if you explore the content of the psychosis you'll get some quite profound 'breakthroughs' and personal insights. It's very much like analysing a poem, a painting or a well-written book.
I think there is a message in psychotic phenomena, something which requires revealing. You seem to be on a similar mental path that I chose many years ago. Tread carefully but be bold and be hopeful. There is a message in it all, something worth paying attention to and trying to get to grips with. I wish you luck and strength.
