A public meltdown

[nevaeh]

Hi I am new to this Forum.

Around this time last year I had a very public psychotic breakdown I went into hospital for a month. Alot of what happened to me leading up to the breakdown has been made known, and consequently I have been laughed at and called names mocked and talked about. I feel crushed and downtrodden

I used to love to dance and have done so all my life now I cant bear to do anything. I avoid people as I have been hurt by them. I used to be quite an outgoing articulate person now i find myself struggling to string a few sentences together. My conversational skills have languished. My memory is poor. My friends bar a few have deserted me. I feel foolish for ending up unwell and even more so that everybody knows what happened to me. Most days I am so low I don't even want to get out of bed. Life seems pointless and I have thought about suicide many times. I am on anti depressants but they don't seem to be working.

Mostly I spend my time thinking about how my life was before I became unwell and how happy and full of life I was. Even if I was to return to the dance scene I feel so ashamed of my past I would be unable to keep my eyes off the floor I used to be a semi professional and quite known for my talent and I am afraid I will never be as good as that again, That i would be just a washed up has been. I am afraid of everything even the thought of going out side. I am due to start back at uni in september and I am also afraid of how im going to cope on my own how on earth I will be able to get through my essays and exams. I am also uneasy as Im going into the second year about making new friends as everyone will already know each other.

Please can anyone help me get the shine back into my dull life.

 

[KP1]

Nevaeh
I understand where you are coming for it sounds like we have been ill for about the same length of time and it has totally changed my life as well.
If the anti depressants are not working ask for them to be changed otherwise they just seem to keep you on the same ones long term. Have you been offered counselling or psychotherapy because this might help.
People are ignorant and have their own empty lives if they laugh at you for your behaviour when you were breaking down and not worth worrying about.
If you were a good dancer once it will come back and you can do it again so don't give up.
Take care and welcome to the forum you will find lots of cyber support here.
KP

 

[Starbright]

I lost all my friends bar one when I went into hospital at the age of 32 but I have made more. The trick is to be self-sufficient just for the length of time it takes to make new ones and not to be so anxious about making more that you make friends with the wrong people. Take your time, look after yourself and you will make friends. Remember, you are a worthwhile valuable loveable person. If you see someone you think is cool, then try making friends with them. Don't get put off by their coolness. They will probably find you just as cool!

 

[msrx5sw2]

i'm in precisely the same position as you. I am due back at university this October and am shaking in my boots! i have no idea how im going to get round to making new friends. I too, lost a lot of friends I had during my breakdown. But i kept a few as well, which is rewarding as they stuck with me through thick and thin. My only advise to you would be to hold your head up high and forget about the embarassing things you did during your breakdown. I certainly will. I have lost my sense of humor, my wit, my smile. i have spent most of the time looking back at the times when i was happy and yearning for my life back. i hope that now you realise that other people are going through similar experiences, you wont feel so alone.

 

[nevaeh]

Thank you for all your advice guys I really appreciate it alot.

 

[mad as a hatter]

peoples attitudes

it,s not ur fault u where ill peoples attitudes r a disgrace but the way i c it could happen 2 them 1 day ur better off without these so called friends if they run a mile at the slightest thing i,m sure u will meet some new friends that will treat and understand u better ur a good person and don,t let ne 1 tell u different