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A manic episode possibly??

NeoDelta

NeoDelta

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 23, 2010
Messages
107
Location
Southampton
This is my account of an episode I had back in april/may 2007, Ive had 2 psychiatrists say it was a manic episode, another one wasnt sure, my friend who is bipolar reackons its a manic episode. my hubby refuses to speak about it. What do you think? Im confused. Im going to show this to my current psych when i next see him, just want your imput really. Thanks

On the evening of 15th April 2007, after a phone call with my mother I learned the truth about her behaviour and she showed her true colours. I can still remember the phone call like it was yesterday. We had been talking about what I would have done differently about my wedding, and I told her I would have made sure Aaron’s parents had more involvement with the preparations, and I told her that I thought she had been unfair by not including them more and by taking over. Her response to that comment was “Oh well they didn’t and to be honest I don’t care, get over it!” That response hurt me, and I immediately told her that I couldn’t believe she said that and that she was unfair, and said I could not continue with the phone call and put the phone down on her.

At the time I was using a support forum for survivors of abuse, my mother knew this and had access to the forum. In the early hours of the following morning my mother decided to post a thread that was abusive towards me. I do not know what this post said as it was deleted by the time I got online later that morning. I was told by a few members that she had posted this and the mods confirmed that she had posted something and it was removed. I do not know what this post said, at the time I didn’t want to know, but I know wish that I had known what she wrote as no one can remember what was in that post.

The effects of the phone call and this post played on my mind, having everything going around my mind, I was a mess psychologically. This is when my mood started to change drastically. On the weeks following 15th April my mood went up and up, I think it was my mind trying to cope with everything. I started talking to everyone online and even arranged to meet a fellow member from the site I was using, it was arranged that this member come to my home. Aaron did not like this one bit, he kept saying, you don’t know this guy, he is only someone you have spoken to for 4 months, he could be a pervert. I didn’t care as far as I was concerned I’d been speaking to him for 4 months I knew him well enough.

So on 26th April Aaron and I met Warren, I thought we got on well, we chatted for a few hours and laughed and joked. The Saturday following this, there was a meet up of a few members from the site; it was however some few hundred miles away in Birmingham. Warren was going up to Chorley (just north of Manchester) on the Friday to stay at one of the members homes. I asked this member (Nat) if it was ok if I could come up and stay too, and she agreed, so I asked Warren if he didn’t mind a passenger, and he didn’t. However Aaron did not agree, he did not like the fact that I would be going to Chorley with Warren, who I had only just met, didn’t really know him or what his driving was like, or how safe he was. I was adamant that I was going on this trip and it didn’t matter what Aaron said or did. We argued that evening but I told Aaron I was going.

The following morning Aaron left for work like usual and I got up and got packed ready to go away for a few days. Warren picked me up at midday and we dropped in at Aarons work so I could kiss him and hug him, again he begged me not to go but I said I was.

Warrens driving was somewhat scary, dangerous and erratic, but it was a thrill. We got to Nat’s home around 5pm; we had a good journey up there and had numerous phone calls from Aaron, telling me he wished I hadn’t gone. The one thing I never thought about whilst wanting to go on this trip is what I was going to do about food and drink, but I didn’t care, I wouldn’t eat. I was very happy and excited, because I felt that for the first time ever I had been able to just go away at a minute’s notice; however I hadn’t thought of the consequences of this action. Usually I am a quiet shy person who is very timid around other people, yet this weekend I felt I could burst with all the extra confidence I was feeling. I didn’t think anything of it, I just thought that I had overcome my quietness and had beaten my low self esteem.

Warren said he would lend me some money which I thought was very nice of him. I was still very over confident when meeting Nat. To anyone else I looked and sounded like I was very confident and outgoing and to me I felt like it too, it never clicked to me that it was abnormal for me to be behaving like this.

Friday night, Warren, Nat and I met up with some of Nat’s friends and we went for a KFC. Standing in the car park with Nat having a cigarette talking to her, I wasn’t behaving like I normally did, and as neither Nat or Warren had seen me prior to that weekend they didn’t know that this behaviour was abnormal for me. When we got back to Nat’s home we went to her bedroom where we all went online and talked with other people from the website. Nat and I stayed up all night, were as Warren had gone to sleep around 3am. I didn’t feel tired at all, I felt so energetic that to me it was a good thing. Whenever I talked to either Nat or Warren I spoke rather fast so they didn’t really capture what it was I was saying.

On Saturday morning, Nat and I went down stairs to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee and we were trying to be as quiet as possible so not to wake Warren, but after a few creeks here and there we were laughing yet trying to be as quiet as possible which made us laugh even more. Once Warren had woken up and we all got ready we headed off for Birmingham. I am very shy and withdrawn when meeting people for the first time, yet at that time I was so confident and outgoing, but I didn’t notice it, to me it felt good and it was great. The racing thoughts that I was having, I didn’t understand so I thought it was normal for that to happen when you are really confident, as prior to that weekend away I had never been as confident all my life, so the thoughts and feelings I was having I thought to be normal. Both Nat and I fell asleep on the journey to Birmingham, but I think we were only asleep for at most an hour, but for me that hour was all I needed.

I woke up feeling refreshed and equally energetic and excited as I did before I fell asleep. On the journey to Birmingham I spoke on the phone to Aaron quite a few times, and it was whilst talking to Aaron he told me he was thinking about going back on drugs, he was going to get some speed from someone. This is when I got very angry with him, I accused him of trying to ruin my trip away, and I gave him an ultimatum that it was either the drugs or me; I won’t have drugs in my home. At the time I thought I was being very fair towards Aaron, but in reality I wasn’t I had been really nasty and a bit self centred too as all I thought about was myself.

We met up with everyone else at one of Birmingham’s train stations, and then decided to go to a Chinese restaurant for lunch. We all chatted to each other like we had known each other for years. It was a great feeling for me, as I finally felt like I fitted in with a friendship crowd. After the meal we went to a pub for a few drinks and spent a good 3 hours talking to each other before splitting up and going our separate ways. At this point I got upset but I really can’t remember why, although I do remember hugging one of my friends.

Nat, Warren and I set off back to Nats place in Chorley, because Warren had not got enough sleep the night before and was rather tired, he asked if I wouldn’t mind going home the following day which was Sunday. I phoned Aaron and told him I was staying in Chorley that night because Warren wasn’t exactly fit to be driving, although I know Aaron hated that he said it was probably a good thing. However once we got back to Chorley, Nat’s mother decided Warren and I were not allowed back in the house, and because it was too late to be heading back home, Warren paid for us to have a room in a hotel, it was 2 singles, this didn’t bother me, as I knew nothing would happen I loved Aaron and don’t cheat, I tried to stay awake as much as I could but sleep eventually got the better of me, although it was only about 6 hours which isn’t much for me. I however lied to Aaron and said that Nat was with us when in reality she obviously wasn’t. (I slipped up with this lie a few days later)

Sunday morning Warren and I went to pick Nat up from her place and we went for a McDonald’s breakfast before dropping Nat back at her place and beginning the journey home. Warrens driving on the way home was rather appalling; he was driving very fast and erratic, getting up close behind other cars. At points in the journey home warren would get very close to the car in front then use the car horn, I knew he was doing that to show off but I wasn’t impressed. After several stops along the way Warren dropped me off at home. I was so glad to see Aaron and I know he was glad to see me. I spent most of that evening with Aaron, although I do remember wanting to go to the shop at 11pm but I don’t remember why.
 
NeoDelta

NeoDelta

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 23, 2010
Messages
107
Location
Southampton
I didn’t sleep much that night and woke when Aaron did in the morning, I had to get up as I was starting a new job at a nursing home cleaning, instantly I hated the job, I had to clean out a parrot cage in one of the residents rooms, which I wasn’t prepared to do. I finished that job, although I said to them I would back the next day fully knowing I wouldn’t go back. I still had to walk home yet which took 20 minutes.

I remember walking home and talking to Aaron, I don’t remember what was said, all I remember is walking into the flat and then walking back out again and walking in the direction of Weston Shore, I have brief images of running along the stones following the beach and then walking across a field, which ran alongside a railway line. I switched my mobile off as the battery was running out and I didn’t want to speak to Aaron. I remember having a phone call with Warren but don’t know what was said. My next memory is huddled up in a corner by Hamble Train Station; I must have been sat there for hours. After that I remember coming home with Warren, and Aaron getting the wrong idea thinking I was having an affair with Warren, which I told him I wasn’t and I wasn’t.

I told Aaron we where over and that I was leaving him. He pleaded with me to stay and I said I couldn’t, Aaron said give it a few days to think about things, I said ok and then I left. I went to Portsmouth where Warren was living at the time. Warren paid for 2 nights stay in a small bed and breakfast where I stayed for 2 days. During this time, I was hearing and seeing things, the voices were telling me I had done the right thing that I was in the right and that Aaron was horrible and evil. I was very paranoid about everyone, I refused to eat at the bed and breakfast because I thought the owners where trying to drug me. I could have sworn that they were perverts and wanted to harm me. Whenever I was in the bed and breakfast I made sure my door was locked and didn’t open it to anyone, just spoke through the door. I started doing more self harm although not very badly, I brought knifes and used them to cut my arms; I wanted to hurt myself, not in a way where it was a suicide or a coping mechanism. Whilst in Portsmouth, I went to the CAB office to find out information about divorce and find out about living in Portsmouth. I had one phone call with Aaron during that time which was on the second evening I was there, it was almost midnight, we talked and talked and I cried, I didn’t want to be in Portsmouth anymore and I wanted him to come and get me, however I didn’t know how I felt about him or anything.

Aaron arrived in the morning and picked me up, and we came back home. My memory of this time is very cloudy. I remember telling Aaron that I wasn’t sure if I loved him or not, I wasn’t sure about anything. I couldn’t make sense of anything. Aaron told me to put on my coat because he was taking me to the hospital which he meant the DOP (Department of Psychiatry), I didn’t think there was anything wrong with me so refused to go, I had a doctor’s appointment that afternoon and it was after the doctor’s appointment that we then went to Hawthorn Lodge to speak to duty. They then arranged an emergency meeting with the person on duty on Friday which happened to be Cathy Swift. It was obvious at that time I needed help, but although I didn’t think so, Aaron did. Cathy didn’t listen to me or to what Aaron had to say and she wasn’t prepared to help me, in the end I stormed out of the building and left Aaron to deal with her, Aaron then shouted at Cathy that if I didn’t get help and support soon, and if I seriously hurt myself or did kill myself she would be held liable.

After this I guess I was on a come down, and my mood dropped very fast. Within days of seeing Cathy Swift I became depressed which got worse and worse, I became suicidal and found a tool and how easy it was to cut. I cut a lot and cut deep too, there was one cut were I just cut and then kept cutting deeper, I required stitches for this cut, there is also one other cut that should have had stitches but I didn’t bother. I was placed with Home treatment team for the numerous time, but they did nothing to help me. I was left to cope on my own. I stayed in this depressed state for months, even though in July I found my father, the news I learned about my mother devastated me and plunged me deeper into depression. In august I was very low and I was assessed under the mental health act by Mandy and a guy from Home Treatment, as they were considering having me admitted to the Department of Psychiatry, however for some reason I can’t remember I wasn’t admitted but I did have Home Treatment’s support for 2 weeks.
 
NeoDelta

NeoDelta

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 23, 2010
Messages
107
Location
Southampton
Mods if any of this breaks the rules pls edit wasn't sure if it does:redface:
 
emski

emski

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 15, 2008
Messages
1,151
Location
North West
It does sound like an episode, hun. What an ordeal, I'm sorry you had to endure that.

One question though - have you changed the names here? Just because the mods might end up censoring it... I'm not sure whether naming people breaks forum rules

:hug:

****

Ed: Neo, I have just seen your latest post. :oops: :hug:
 
Last edited:
D

DELATEXT

Guest
horrible

Hellish time you've had both of you, I have no clever solutions except to say good luck and I hope you come through the darkness, all strength to you and good wishes..



:(:grouphug::grouphug:
 
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