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A loss

sirhamsy

sirhamsy

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2021
Messages
10
Location
India
Hey, I’m at my breaking point, so here I am. I lost my dad due to cancer and I’ve been struggling ever since. There were so many things I wish I could’ve done. I would try not to visit him in the hospital. Everyone kept saying it was okay, because it would’ve been hard for me to see him like that. But that’s not true. There’s no reason so as to why I didn’t visit him. I just didn’t want to go. I didn’t get the gravity of the whole situation. Why didn’t I do it? Why didn’t I spend more time with him? These are regrets that are always there. No matter what I do, no matter how much I talk about it, it’s the same. I can’t accept the fact that he’s gone. To be honest, I don’t know what it means to accept it. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel about it. I just don’t know.
I was so cheerful before, and my grades were good. But now, I can’t seem to do anything. It’s hard to do even the simplest of things. I had clear goals before, I could picture my future. Everything’s blurry now. I can’t read. I can’t concentrate. I can’t talk to people. I just want to disappear. There’s nothing I can do. Words of praise and positivity mean nothing to me. It’s suffocating to just keep going on when I don’t want to. I’ve been getting help, but nothing works. It’s not just about the loss anymore. Everything seems pointless. I don’t know what I’m doing this life thing for. There’s nothing I look forward to. Nothing that can make me feel whole again. I’m just so tired.
If you took the time to read this, I appreciate it.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Messages
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I'm sorry to read about your dad.
Maybe what you need is more time?
Do you have other family members, to whom you can seek support and maybe even have an opinion?
 
sirhamsy

sirhamsy

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2021
Messages
10
Location
India
I'm sorry to read about your dad.
Maybe what you need is more time?
Do you have other family members, to whom you can seek support and maybe even have an opinion?
Thank you so much
It’s been 4 years since he passed away and I feel worse than ever now. I couldn’t feel things that intensely before, but the emotions just kept piling up and hit me all at once several months ago. I don’t talk to my family members about it but I’m currently seeing a therapist, and I’m on antidepressants. But I feel like nothing’s changed, and I just feel myself sinking further and further down.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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Feb 6, 2021
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1,401
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
I'm so sorry for your losing your dad. I'm sorry for the grief you're going through. Just know that acceptance is the last stage of grief. Don't rush the grief process.
 
sirhamsy

sirhamsy

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2021
Messages
10
Location
India
I'm so sorry for your losing your dad. I'm sorry for the grief you're going through. Just know that acceptance is the last stage of grief. Don't rush the grief process.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.
But I’m so sick of this. Sometimes I feel like this is never going to go away. I don’t have my dad, and now there’s nothing I can do. Everything I’ve worked so hard for is falling apart because of this. I’m failing at everything. I feel so worthless, and nothing makes sense to me anymore.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Joined
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Messages
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Thank you so much
It’s been 4 years since he passed away and I feel worse than ever now. I couldn’t feel things that intensely before, but the emotions just kept piling up and hit me all at once several months ago. I don’t talk to my family members about it but I’m currently seeing a therapist, and I’m on antidepressants. But I feel like nothing’s changed, and I just feel myself sinking further and further down.
Do you think it's worth thinking about what your dad would say, if he saw you like this?
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

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Mar 3, 2020
Messages
1,669
Location
USA
Thank you so much
It’s been 4 years since he passed away and I feel worse than ever now. I couldn’t feel things that intensely before, but the emotions just kept piling up and hit me all at once several months ago. I don’t talk to my family members about it but I’m currently seeing a therapist, and I’m on antidepressants. But I feel like nothing’s changed, and I just feel myself sinking further and further down.
It sounds like you're experiencing delayed grief, it happens. My mother and brother passed away within days of each other a few years ago. I dealt with it at the time, but had an emotional breakdown 4 years later. I literally broke down in sobs over something completely unrelated-but it was the pressure building up inside from the grief I hadn't dealt with earlier.

Seeing a therapist and medication is a good idea, that can help a lot. You also need to get rid of the guilt you are feeling about what more you might have done. There are things I wish I had done as well, but the reality is we can only do so much. Regret over things not said or done is quite normal, but you can't let it become a permanent load you carry. There are things I wish I'd done with respect to my Dad, Mom and brother while they were still here-but most of us have other obligations-career, our own family, health issues, normal responsibilities-which are weighing on us as well.

When I feel really down about it, I remember that my own Mom and Dad had their shortcomings with respect to their own parents at the end of their (grandparents) lives. They weren't as supportive as they could have been. We're all only people, we try and do the best we can under very difficult circumstances.

I hope you find peace from your grief and put it all in perspective. If you weren't a good person you wouldn't be talking about it like this in this forum. Peace.
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

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Mar 1, 2021
Messages
4,071
Location
California
Hi, I am sorry for the loss of your Dad. My dad passed almost 3 years ago. I sometimes think if anything that I might have done differently could have changed things. I was there when he passed but disconnected from what was happening.

The previous posters have shared what I would have added. Hope you can find peace and be able to find peace in memories of you and your dad. My dad was my hero. There is a quote that says, "Be the things you loved most about the people that are gone." That's my goal because he was an incredibly wonderful person.

xo 💗
 
sirhamsy

sirhamsy

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2021
Messages
10
Location
India
Do you think it's worth thinking about what your dad would say, if he saw you like this?
Yeah I get what you’re saying. Right now, it just makes me feel guilty, which in turn pressurises me to be happy. But I hope that someday I wouldn’t feel like how I do right now, with regard to this.
Thank you so much 😊
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
6,967
Location
A comet
Yeah I get what you’re saying. Right now, it just makes me feel guilty, which in turn pressurises me to be happy. But I hope that someday I wouldn’t feel like how I do right now, with regard to this.
Thank you so much 😊
I wish you all the best.
 
sirhamsy

sirhamsy

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2021
Messages
10
Location
India
It sounds like you're experiencing delayed grief, it happens. My mother and brother passed away within days of each other a few years ago. I dealt with it at the time, but had an emotional breakdown 4 years later. I literally broke down in sobs over something completely unrelated-but it was the pressure building up inside from the grief I hadn't dealt with earlier.

Seeing a therapist and medication is a good idea, that can help a lot. You also need to get rid of the guilt you are feeling about what more you might have done. There are things I wish I had done as well, but the reality is we can only do so much. Regret over things not said or done is quite normal, but you can't let it become a permanent load you carry. There are things I wish I'd done with respect to my Dad, Mom and brother while they were still here-but most of us have other obligations-career, our own family, health issues, normal responsibilities-which are weighing on us as well.

When I feel really down about it, I remember that my own Mom and Dad had their shortcomings with respect to their own parents at the end of their (grandparents) lives. They weren't as supportive as they could have been. We're all only people, we try and do the best we can under very difficult circumstances.

I hope you find peace from your grief and put it all in perspective. If you weren't a good person you wouldn't be talking about it like this in this forum. Peace.
I’m so sorry that you suffered such a loss. I can’t imagine how painful it must’ve been.
But I’m thankful that you shared your thoughts here. Your post hit close to home and I could actually get what you were saying. It’s been such a long time since I could agree with someone when it came to this. Knowing that someone has gone through such a hard time and is still strong enough to offer support to others, gives me some hope that maybe someday even I’d be able to be okay. I don’t know how long this hope is going to last for, but your words are something that I’ll remember. I guess things do make more sense when you’re talking to someone who knows what it’s like. I’ll keep thinking about what you’ve said.
It’s only been a day since I joined this forum and I’m already so glad that I came on here. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this warm on the inside.
I’m so so grateful for everyone on here.
Thank you so much, and I wish you the best😊
 
sirhamsy

sirhamsy

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2021
Messages
10
Location
India
Hi, I am sorry for the loss of your Dad. My dad passed almost 3 years ago. I sometimes think if anything that I might have done differently could have changed things. I was there when he passed but disconnected from what was happening.

The previous posters have shared what I would have added. Hope you can find peace and be able to find peace in memories of you and your dad. My dad was my hero. There is a quote that says, "Be the things you loved most about the people that are gone." That's my goal because he was an incredibly wonderful person.

xo 💗
I’m so sorry about your loss.
Like you’ve said, Memories are something that I can always cherish, but sometimes I feel like I keep forgetting things. That’s probably just me getting anxious, but I’ll keep trying not to.
And I’ll keep your words in mind, the quote that you’ve mentioned is beautiful.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it🥰
 
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