• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

A long introduction

Paradoxeverywhere

Paradoxeverywhere

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2008
Messages
1,103
Location
733t
Hi. Generally people call me K.Years ago i was diagnosed with a few disorders. But to be honest i think thatmy previousdoctorwas a quack. Is it even possible to be schizotypal at 16? Then he claimed i had mild paranoia, which isomewhat believe but that depends on what shift i am in.

I have been having some experieces that have been scaring my but somehow i welcome them.
 
Last edited:
D

Dollit

Guest
Hi K - hope you get something out of the forum - it's a friendly place to be. :welcome:
 
justme

justme

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
48
Location
UK
hello and welcome
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2007
Messages
1,149
Location
W2
Hi. Generally people call me K.Years ago i was diagnosed with a few disorders. But to be honest i think thatmy previousdoctorwas a quack. Is it even possible to be schizotypal at 16? Then he claimed i had mild paranoia, which isomewhat believe but that depends on what shift i am in.

I have been having some experieces that have been scaring my but somehow i welcome them.
This had immediate resonance with me (see bold). I often think that my experiences have been like awakening, and while some have been very hard work I feel that they have in some way allowed me to progress.

Good to have you here... :welcome:
 
Fedup

Fedup

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2007
Messages
1,937
Hello and :welcome: K
Hope you find lot's of support here :)
 
Paradoxeverywhere

Paradoxeverywhere

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2008
Messages
1,103
Location
733t
Thanks

Thanks for your welcomes. Im not really sure how to do these forum things. Im rather new to expressing myself on this level, (long story short, people like to either exploit me or attack me) but im not sure where i can go now. In the last week things have changed alot.

I have a question about these episodes. But first i should explain something. I have occasionally had blackouts since i was young. Before i would "zone out" for a few hours but lately they have been more active. I lost my job for apparently yelling/ranting to my boss about how much of a jerk he is (and a few other things but i dont think they are appropriate to say) but found a new and better job for it. Then trashed my room then spent 5 hours making itas organisedas i have ever seen it. Things like that. Chains of destructive agressive behavior followed by productivity i have never experienced before. But it doesnt feel like me. No memories, fractional personality, even more paranoia then normal and the few people i have forced myself to interact with keep asking me about rants i go on during these stages but since they have been clinging to me more. Enough of my problems though so lets get to the question.

What does it mean if it feels like the person you are when you experiece some form of mental episode is the better person? Somehow the person i become when i give up or lose all control seems better for my life. Like both the positive and negative behaviors are in their extremes but somehow create the balance i have always looked for. It doesnt really make sense. The 3 friends i have had like me better during these stages. Its improving the quality of my life. Somehow becoming someone of no control who is either ranting to others or mumbling about finding his eyes, has no qualms about masocism just to get annoying people away and cant sit down for more then 2 minutes is the better person.

I can only think of 2 possibilities. I have either always been a joke to my friends and now with these changes i am more open to their games or what i am when im not here really is the better side of me.

If anyone else is in a similar situation i would like to hear from you and see if its the same.
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2007
Messages
1,149
Location
W2
Not that I'm suggesting being a hard-nosed bas*ard, but think about it, it's not hard to walk over a pushover? The episodes you are describing sound slightly manic to me. That said when I'm in the middle of an 'episode' all my personality traits are magnified, even the ones I don't like. Perhaps you've been supressing your strengths; something to bear in mind once you seem to level off?
 
D

Dollit

Guest
My consultant always says that mental ill health magnifies personality traits and it's the way to finding who you are. It can be quite a scary process sorting yourself out from the illness & the episodes but very fruitful. It's one of the points I always raise when talking to the med students.
 
Paradoxeverywhere

Paradoxeverywhere

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2008
Messages
1,103
Location
733t
Perhaps...

Is there any way to inturpret what one says during these events? (im looking for a word better suited then 'episodes'. Thats what my old doctor used to call them and it just stuck). It feels like whatever im saying at those times is important for me to move beyond this. Hypnotherapy doesnt work. I just either start to laugh or cry. And medications only mask the real issues which makes it even harder to move beyond them.

I know there is a pattern somewhere but i cant find it.


By the way. Something of a random question for everyone. If you could go to any time period on earth, which would you choose?
 
Paradoxeverywhere

Paradoxeverywhere

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2008
Messages
1,103
Location
733t
-

You both have points there. And i was raised to be a doormat. Always told that my i.q, was wasted on me. That my feelings were unimportant and expressing them was just whining. Even now in life i let the few people i talk to walk all over me. I cant talk to people without them completely cutting me off after the 4th word. Though if they ask for my opinion or advice they wait until the 6th word.
 
Paradoxeverywhere

Paradoxeverywhere

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2008
Messages
1,103
Location
733t
Jerusalem

What a beautiful sight that would be. Isnt that the period of the Knights of St. John?
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
M Introduction (might be long) Introduce Yourself 5
D Apologies for the long introduction Introduce Yourself 2
O My (possible long) introduction Introduce Yourself 3
P At long last, introduction time... Introduce Yourself 4
S Hello. (Long) introduction to my history with bipolar disorder Introduce Yourself 3
N Joining after discovering this forum not long ago. Introduce Yourself 9
S Should have done this a long time ago Introduce Yourself 3
M Long term chronic mixed mental health Introduce Yourself 12
A Hi all......long term anxiety maniac here! Introduce Yourself 13
J First post! post about long-term intrusive thoughts Introduce Yourself 3
D Long long long long term eating disorder Introduce Yourself 2
T E_90 After a long time I finally decided to sign up Introduce Yourself 9
G Long term anxiety and panic attacks Introduce Yourself 8
K Hello one and all! Looking forward to being part of this community as a long term sufferer of depression and retired mental health nurse. Introduce Yourself 11
L Worried about my son but can't have him near me for too long Introduce Yourself 2
M It's been a long time coming, but I know a change gonna come. Introduce Yourself 3
C Short vs Long Term Fear Introduce Yourself 1
D Gone so long I might as well re-introduce myself Introduce Yourself 6
Hermes63 Hi back after long break Introduce Yourself 4
H Not a long-winded journey line Introduce Yourself 5
B Long winded srry, plz help, ty much Introduce Yourself 3
L hey new to the forum, apologies for the long post Introduce Yourself 4
J Hi everyone new this suffer with a long history of mental health looking a bit of support from people that understand esp with my bpd atm Introduce Yourself 1
I Newbie Alert(Very very long post; 1000 words) Introduce Yourself 6
C Hi.. *may be a long post* Introduce Yourself 5
hey_its_jane Long “Transition” Introduce Yourself 4
K My Very Long And Worthwhile Journey With Bipolar Disorder Type One Introduce Yourself 2
M My Health Anxiety Experience from Start To Present (Warning Long Read) Introduce Yourself 3
L Venting/long life story. Introduce Yourself 3
AtomicSpaceCadet Long time listener, first time caller. Introduce Yourself 5
B New here (it's long....sorry) Introduce Yourself 2
J Long term depression and anxiety Introduce Yourself 12
J Long term depression and anxiety Introduce Yourself 8
B Haven't visited for a long time Introduce Yourself 6
T Why Has It Taken Me so Long??? Introduce Yourself 3
S New kid in town (bit of a long story) Introduce Yourself 6
M Long term drinking to cope with mental health. In need of help Introduce Yourself 8
R Hi there. (Long) Diagnosed with ADHD then rediagnosed with delayed development. Introduce Yourself 3
E Hi just joined. Ive depression most of my life. Got worse when my daughter was born 2000 with sever disability. Long story short she passed in 2012 Introduce Yourself 5
I Why cant i enjoy life anymore? (Long story) Introduce Yourself 2
J Long Battle With Depression Introduce Yourself 9
N Long Term Relationship Breakup Introduce Yourself 4
E I need help, why is it taking so long Introduce Yourself 2
J Long term sufferer but never posted on a forum Introduce Yourself 4
J Long time sufferer, first time poster Introduce Yourself 5
G Hi all been lurking to long Introduce Yourself 5
M Long anhedonia/ emotional numbness after hypomania Introduce Yourself 2
J Another Long Night Introduce Yourself 9
noplace Hello I'm not new, I'm old on this site but not visited for a long time. Can I change my member name? Introduce Yourself 8
Da Cuckoo Long story. Introduce Yourself 4

Similar threads

Top