• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

A little Assistance from Neurotypicals would be helpful.

T

Thoth

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Joined
Oct 12, 2014
Messages
230
Location
Leicester/Sheffield
Preamble

Firstly I know the title is ambiguous. You might be wondering about the usage of the term Neurotypical which refers to people that operate and think as a normal person would.

You see the issue I have quite often is the fact that I have a neurodevelopmental disorder known as Asperger's Syndrome which sadly no longer exists in the DSM-V. My case is that it is very mild and I am one of those that have adapted for the most part. However there are still some things where things are lost in translation. This is due to the structure of the brain.

One of those issues is Alexithymia which is pronounced. Put it this way I can't feel a definitive emotion, I have often times introspected and have to check the dictionary for the emotion. The other issues is the fact that I really struggle to deal with extreme emotions, and of course being unable or struggle to distinguish and appreciate other people's emotions. (see more from this Journal Here)

Emotions

This I have highlighted and recognised to be the achilles of why I can not handle more intimate relationships. There are other things but it is needless to go into the depth of that. Highlighting this symptom if you wish will help establish why I am quite different to the majority.

Firstly let me start giving you some context about what has happened and why I feel a cathartic sense of bliss that reaches beyond totality in which you spill over in euphoria, as well as confusion due to the fact that I am blind to how exactly other people are thinking or feeling. As you can see and from previous experience I don’t want to overwhelm myself in this bliss feeling that makes me feel at times like I floating 3 inches off the pavement walking home. At this time I’m preventing myself to revel in this emotion which has been years since it has been replicated because the internal bruising that was caused previously lasted years before I started to learn to get over it.

So it all begins…

…on a cruise liner called the Celebrity Solstice sailing around Australia. Now Celebrity is one of the top end of the market liners, just beneath Cunard, and Holland America. So it was pricey to book this ship. So like most cruises theres a main dining room and there is a concierge at both entrances to allocate you to a table in the dining room. So for the first few days I went through one door, and the rest of my family (i.e. parents, maternal grandparents) went through the other entrance. So the relevancy is one of the concierge staff noticed me and commented to my parents about how I was handsome. To which of course my father quipped something along the lines “you can marry him, I don’t mind, he’s free to a good home.” which is what he often does many times.

Well they told me, and to see what all the fuss is about I went via the other entrance. Well I went down and she was gorgeous. Gorgeous enough for me to struggle to talk and feel like my tongue was partly paralysed, but we both exchanged smiles; she’d ask how my day was which I should’ve said more about, but really who wants to know that I had read half a book about FDI’s, Post-Keynesianism, IPR’s and the WTO?

The other thing that I noticed was the fact that you could barely talk to her for an extended period, the time at the most is literally between one to two minutes. One night it was my Grandparent’s golden anniversary so for one of the few first times I went down with them and my father typically said something about marriage which embarrassed me as it usually does.

But that night as we left I timed it so I returned where she was at the desk, and thought “fuck it, I’m going to say something stupid.” so I went over and apologised how my parents have been, and she touched/grasped my forearm and said it was fine while saying it was all jokes with that endearing smile, which I sort of said pretty much word for word in my received pronunciation accent, “Though I must concede you are an absolute shining beacon of ethereal loveliness.” which lead to an ‘awww’ moment and a few smiles before I awkwardly leave.

So from there it was trading smiles and not getting a lot of talk out of me, meanwhile I cussing myself to warm up and find my tongue. It’s known we both like each other, and what not. A few days later and as per usual I arrive and she usually says “table to share?” to which for once I said “Actually no, table for two, you and me.” and she chuckled and said something like “I wish, but I can’t.” and these were pretty much the moments I will end up cherishing. Also again another gesture touching my arms. These to me are the signals that told me I was good, one of the few things I learned from a psychologist about body language, otherwise I wouldn’t have interpreted it.

So near the end of the cruise was another formal night, and my family was getting group photos done so that we had some decent photographs (I have plenty) and one of the shooting locations was about 20meters away from the concierge desk where she was working. So I (as well as my family) gestured to her to come to the shooting location. She dashed and the strobes didn’t work. :( So she returned and then the photographer got the strobe to work and we got her to dash back. And voila I got my favourite picture.

So what happened? Things came to a close, and I said to her one night. “I’ve got a surprise for you tomorrow.” but my family said a few things about getting her details, and I raced around the ship because I hadn’t got things ready. My mother was clueless as well as my family why I raced like an idiot. What they did not know is at the end of the cruise I give those that treat me well Thank you Gratuities. I had written her a note put it in an envelope with my details, as well as a US$20 note. The other thing was a gift I bought that afternoon which were some Pearl ear rings (I almost bought the bracelet as well). Of course the earrings were not gift wrapped and I dashed about like an idiot to get that done - there’s only one place on the ship.

So I get there before 11pm when she usually clocks off, and I can’t remember what I said other than something along the lines. “I’ve decided to change my mind and give them you tonight.” told her how beautiful she was, and how I wished I had more time to talk to her, and get to know her better. Again there were physical touches and smiles.

So the last day is the day when I go and collect all the photographs, my dad said the other night the easiest way to get her email is say that I’d email her the photo, but to me that was tacky. Well the last night was extremely bittersweet for me. I ended up dining alone because I was late and busy packing up to go home. So at the beginning she gave me a small note of all her details, from Facebook to email. At the end of my meal she appeared by the table and we chatted for some time, probably the most ever. There were awwww and I asked when her contracted ended. She said August she would return to Macedonia, which I mentioned that I would just be leaving the UK back to Australia. So my mind is whirring about meeting her in Macedonia.

So I left the dining room telling her I’m going to get that picture for her before she leaves, she seemed quite eager to get it or see it. So I get it, it’s sealed in its own plastic compartment and I see her there at around 10:30pm and she sees it and she said softly “we make a beautiful couple” which I was stunned because I wanted to say yes, but I don’t know *facepalms at myself*

So we hugged and I wished I had kissed her but I was afraid of her rejecting such a gesture, and also on the last day I picked up the stupid virus going around the cruise ship, and I didn’t want to pass it on. I was reluctant to break the brace and I promised her I would keep in touch. (again I’m lousy at this stuff)

Well you might wonder what I wrote in that letter. I solely use fountain pens and cursive writing. Well it went something like this:

“To V,

Meeting you every evening is like seeing the Aphrodite of the Solstice. It was a pleasure meeting you and I am certain beneath lies a personality that is equally enchanting and alluring. It would be an honour if I could’ve dined with you. I wish you all the best.”


And here is that magnificent photo that melts my heart, I just got it printed and framed 12 inches by 12 inches today. ~ http://i.imgur.com/KM6HZSP.jpg

So my mind is at odds, Will I see this person again? Am I taking this too seriously? I don’t know what to think. As I said before there is that sentiment of joy, and I feel like there is someone that cares and would commit to such a relationship. This to me is a big deal the last time I dated was in 2011 and it ended badly leading me into my recluse for the next few years. It’s hard for me to develop relationships beyond friendships, and it always will be because of the Asperger’s.

I’m sorry this is so long. :<
 
S

Saranoya

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 12, 2012
Messages
152
Here's how one Neurotypical sees this:

You've met a woman whose job, to some extent, includes being friendly with the customers. She seems to have given you a few indications (like the touches and the fact that she hugged you, and gave you her contact info), that maybe it was a little more than that. See that as an opportunity. Use the contact information she has given you to keep in touch with her. See where it goes from there.

For now, don't go planning your wedding yet. Also don't expect this to become a lifelong friendship. But you've got a good start here to something potentially beautiful. Just don't push it.

Those are my two cents ...
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Joined
Aug 18, 2013
Messages
2,192
Location
East of England
Anything can happen and it might prove to be the start of a terrific relationship but how much do you actually know about this woman? Does she have any children (that's not impossible)? Does she live alone or with family? Does she have any future plans for her career? If you've got her email address I would advise you spend some time talking to her via emails and try to find out a bit more about her as a person, certainly before you commit to meeting her again in Macedonia. She might be nothing like you imagine her to be: you really can't judge a book by its cover.
 
T

Thoth

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 12, 2014
Messages
230
Location
Leicester/Sheffield
Here's how one Neurotypical sees this:

You've met a woman whose job, to some extent, includes being friendly with the customers. She seems to have given you a few indications (like the touches and the fact that she hugged you, and gave you her contact info), that maybe it was a little more than that. See that as an opportunity. Use the contact information she has given you to keep in touch with her. See where it goes from there.

For now, don't go planning your wedding yet. Also don't expect this to become a lifelong friendship. But you've got a good start here to something potentially beautiful. Just don't push it.

Those are my two cents ...
Hi, yes this is sort of where I thought I was. Yes I've only got one foot through the door, and there is no great expectations but I didn't want to think that I'm being mislead in some respects. There is must to establish and build upon.

As for your questions Jamina, I have a few of those questions answered, but nothing to a great extent. I just wanted to be sure that this was still an opportunity that I could develop and build upon.
 
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