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A letter to my partner

M

midgeymoo

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2015
Messages
1
I want to let my partner know how I feel about him and I want him to know that I'm not going anywhere. We don't live together but spend as much time as we can together. We've both been through a rough patch each with our own situation the last three months and have at reached the light at the end of the tunnel. So, I just wanted him to know how I feel. Your views and comments would be much appreciated. Many thanks x

To my gorgeous better half x
I just wanted to share with you how I truly feel about you, about us. I find it hard to express my feelings, so I hope you won’t mind me sharing them written to you in this letter xx
When I first met you online, I loved that we could natter away and make each other laugh, and I was looking forward very much to the opportunity to meet you.. I’m glad you asked to meet up, I was feeling shy and afraid to ask for fear of rejection. When I met you in person, something just clicked, I felt comfortable, it was easy to talk to you and laugh with you. I had a great evening and was so much hoping you felt the same. I was afraid to kiss you goodbye, and I’m glad you leaned in to kiss me, I went away with a spring in my step, looking forward to seeing you again. I enjoyed our dates, I loved spending time with you, I found your personality infectious, and I was beginning to fall in love with you, and was glad to hear you felt the same way too. My love for you grew and still grows today.
The evening you texted me, saying that you had something that you needed to tell me, I felt myself drain of colour thinking that maybe you’d changed your mind about me and my mind went into a spin. When I saw you that evening, I could sense you were feeling nervous, maybe afraid to tell me what you needed to. When you told me though, in all honesty I was relieved. I could see you were still worried though, and I remember you asking me if I’m sure I can handle it. I fully admit, though I knew about Bipolar, as my friend Caroline (as you know) is Bipolar type I, I wasn’t 100% sure of Bipolar II and the tendency towards depression. I knew what it was like myself to feel depressed, but understood that the feelings of depression you experience are very much different, can appear out of nowhere, vary in severity and that you have no control over the way you are feeling. My feelings for you though, my love for you, never changed in any way and never have since the moment you told me. The bipolar is not you, it is an illness and it doesn’t define you. I think of it the same as I would if you had any other illness. It is a real illness with complications just as any other and I love you no matter what.
I’ll be honest, initially, I was unaware of how bipolar affects you. It was something I was yet to experience. Yes it was painful to see and hear, seeing the one you love fighting with their feelings, and not be able to understand or help and at the same time knowing that it is not you, it’s the bipolar. I struggled to understand how best to be there for you/support you. I love you and I wanted to know the way I could be of most help when you are not feeling yourself. So, I decided to read, find out and, learn more, to read more about bipolar, not because I felt I had to, but because I wanted to, because I love, care about, and want to be with you. I understand that your symptoms are not textbook and not everyone with bipolar is the same, it’s different for everyone. I appreciate it when you are able to share your feelings with me, as I know it must be hard, especially when sometimes you don’t understand them yourself. Please forgive me if I don’t always understand though, it takes time. I admit that sometimes when you feel irritable, or say something out of character, I feel hurt or get upset thinking that I have done something to hurt or upset you. I forget that it is the bipolar talking, not you, and I realise that you are angry and frustrated with it, not me. And I know that if I had said or done something wrong then you I’m sure you would tell me.
Please try not to worry about me, I know sometimes I get down and I get upset (sometimes for no reason, crazy female hormonal thing), and tears are my way of letting out my feelings when I can’t always speak them. I know that sometimes you think that you’ve upset me, honestly I would tell you if you had. A lot of the time it’s because I’ve misunderstood a situation or what has been said, and I react with emotionally (that hormonal thing again sometimes too). At times I try to do so much at once and end up not achieving it all, or not doing something as well as I’d like to have done, and then I get cross or stressed that I can’t do it all (high expectations and pretty critical of myself). All I need to do is waffle on about whatever it is (text or talk), maybe have a good cry, punch a cushion, and get it out in the open. I don’t want anyone to fix it, or make it better, or have all the answers. I’ll get there and figure it out eventually. I just need an ear that will listen, to know I’m loved just as I am, and a hug, no words needed. And I’m truly sorry if sometimes things with L make you feel a bit stressed, I know it’s not pleasant to experience things as they are at the moment. As I make changes, it is going to get worse before it improves, and I appreciate sometimes a situation may feel stressful for you, and understand if you need to find some space away from it until calms down.
I love you for who you are, and I love you dearly. I know you need my love and care even when you act like you don’t. I do understand that sometimes you don’t know from day to day, minute to minute how you will feel so some days you may not feel like doing what you had planned, or what had planned to do together, but that doesn’t mean you/we won’t do it another time. I know you cannot help the way you are or the way you’re feeling. I know you are doing everything you possibly can to make yourself feel better. I don’t think any less of you when you are really quiet or withdraw when you feel down, or when you feel irritable or out of character. I know you love me too, even though, at times, you may not be able to show me or tell me that you do truly feel that love for me.
I remember you always saying in the early months of our relationship after you’d told me, ‘are you sure you want this’, ‘it’s going to be hard’, ‘are you sure you can cope with this’ etc. My answer was and always will be… ‘I love you, I want to be with you, and I know it’s not going to be plain sailing, they’ll be ups and downs. I learn all I can to understand as best I can. I am with you because I want to be. Loving you just as you are’. I will always be here when you need me no matter what, to share our feelings, hopes and fears, to hug you, hold you, love and encourage you however you may be feeling.. I believe in you and I love you with all my heart
With much love from your dippy other half x
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Hi and welcome to the forum.
I'm happy to hear that both you and your partner are coming out of a rough patch.
It sounds like your relationship may be stronger for it.

I think your letter is really sweet and touching.
I would feel incredibly honoured if I ever got a letter like that. What a lucky man he is to have you. :)
 
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