A letter about TRANSFERENCE

melonino

melonino

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#1
Hello, I'm Carol.

I just wanted to share a letter I wrote to myself and, potentially, to my therapist. Just to give you some context, I'm diagnosed BPD, anxiety and depression. For several months now, I've been feeling so attached to my therapist, almost in a romantic way. I know it's common and I should be open about it in therapy, but I'm afraid and ashamed to tell him just for now. I wrote this letter just to relieve myself and I thought I'd share it here, since maybe someone can relate with this situation. Thank you in advance for reading.


''Hello. I don't know if you'll ever even read this, I'd love to tell you this in person, but it's just way too difficult for me. I think I need to stop seeing you, and see a new therapist.

First of all, I want to make clear that I'm not blaming you for anything, I'm the only one in charge for this situation and it's only my decision.

A couple of weeks ago, you said that most of the time you're glad to see most patients, because you consider yourself a very helpful, cualified profressional,-witch I won't deny- but only sometimes, you don't feel like that at all. I didn't get that as something personal - or maybe I did, but anyways, I've been thinking about that, I feel like I'm that exception.

I've noticed that too. It's taking way too long for me to go forward and see results. I know I enter the room happy and cheerful, and then I leave shaky and crying most of the times, I'm such a mess. You told me this makes you concerned, but I thought that it was something that happened naturally in therapy. But maybe I was wrong, and you were giving me the right signals, but I didn't realise until now.

I have to admit that I've been selfish. I been having strong romantic feelings towards you for a long time now, wich I'm sure it is crearly evident for you. That's why I didn't want to stop seeing you or think about switching to a different doctor. But that's not realistic anymore.

These are just fantasies on my head. You're not a friend or a lover, you've never been. And that's the only truth. I wanted it to become something else for so long, but I'm aware that's unacceptable and totally unrealistic. I feel ashamed, and I wish things never turned this way.

If I havent told you before, it's because I'm ashamed, but most of all, because I wanted to ignore this feelings and go with the flow. I thought that I'd eventually get over it. But sadly, I'm not.

Maybe I'm being dramatic and there's a way to solve this problem, I read that this happends when therapy goes well, but to this point, I don't even know what's good anymore.''


''oh well, I'm a mess. ''
 
daffy

daffy

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#2
I think I were you I would keep the letter to myself. Maybe just writing it down may make you feel a little easier . But if you give this to your therapist or tell him how you feel it’s highly likely that he may refuse to see you again as it puts him in an awkward and risky position. Lots of people get feeling for there therapist because usually they are helping them and that help can be mistaken for attraction.
 
melonino

melonino

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#3
I think I were you I would keep the letter to myself. Maybe just writing it down may make you feel a little easier . But if you give this to your therapist or tell him how you feel it’s highly likely that he may refuse to see you again as it puts him in an awkward and risky position. Lots of people get feeling for there therapist because usually they are helping them and that help can be mistaken for attraction.
Thank you for your advise, i'll keep it in mind xx
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#4
I think talking about it in session is a good idea.Any therapist that's worth a grain of salt knows how to deal with it and help you understand and work through it.Maybe even give the letter to him to read or read it to him.If you don't it's always going to be this huge elephant in the room that impacts your therapy.Chances are he already knows how you feel anyway.I found it embarrassing and hard to talk about but was so glad that I did.

What you're going through is fairly common and they are actually used to it.
 
melonino

melonino

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#5
I think talking about it in session is a good idea.Any therapist that's worth a grain of salt knows how to deal with it and help you understand and work through it.Maybe even give the letter to him to read or read it to him.If you don't it's always going to be this huge elephant in the room that impacts your therapy.Chances are he already knows how you feel anyway.I found it embarrassing and hard to talk about but was so glad that I did.

What you're going through is fairly common and they are actually used to it.
Thank you so much for replying. It's great to hear from someone who had the same exprecience xx
 
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