A guy looking for companionship

[mfrasc]

Hello!

I'm a 26 male. I've recently been diagnosed with social phobia or anxiety. I haven't had many relationships in my life, the longest being 2 months, and I'm still a virgin. I'm not waiting for marriage, just hasn't felt right yet. I've done everything else.

I'm here because I'm lonely and looking for like minded people. I've tried online dating many times and even tried with a co-worker which I won't attempt again lol.

I have a good career and a university degree but I can't help but be unhappy and just want to be with someone who wants to be with me and who likes me.

It seems that that's not that easy and not a lot of people want to stay near me for too long even though and get along great with people at work and I'm very much a people person..

Sorry for the long post..thanks for taking the time to read all this.

I guess I'm just looking for someone to communicate with for a longer period of time than just a few times..

Take care

 

[intelgal]

Hey there to the forum..... I am 26 and find it diffucult to meet people and suffer with depression.

intel

 

[mfrasc]

Hey intelgal, thanks for your reply

It seems that we keep searching and keep hitting a dead end.

Can't we just fall on that person that makes us happy, without having to try so hard..isn't it supposed to happen that way..

Well intelgal for someone who is depressed you sure give a cheery welcome

I'm from Montreal, Canada

 

[intelgal]

Yeah it is hard, Everyone says to stop trying and it will happen but how do you stop trying lol.

Canada sounds cool ... prob a bit more interesting than the north of England!

Are you all set up for Christmas

 

[saffron]

hi mfrasc
glad to have you as part of our forum. sounds like you are going through a lonely time at the moment. I dont think there is a quick fix to finding relationships or friends, it would be nice if those around could just accept us unconditionally as we are, but everyone has their own way of thinking. eh. I get very frustrated in feeling like I have lots of acquaintance's but no one to talk too. does that make sense. not sure of the answers as am still looking.
welcome
S

 

[Dollit]

I think it's pretty well known that once you're in a relationship you get more offers! That's because you relax and "you" come to the fore rather than your nerves or your anxieties. I had a lunch date earlier in the year with someone and he was nervous, shy and anxious. We had little in common and he wouldn't initiate conversation so I was talking mostly about me which just underlined the differences between us.

I have never went out looking for someone. I've got to know most of the men I've had relationships with as a result of being friends with them. R I've known a very long time and we got comfortable together before it moved on. S was a friend who was just someone to fool around with for a long time. But whoever they were or however long it lasts I never enter a relationship thinking about the future - today is all that matters.

 

[honeyquince]

Yeh - it's when you think about the 'future' that things can get up-tight. Still not sure how to do it fully but being in the moment is definitely the way to go.

 

[Halo]

Hi mfrasc

I was single for 4 whole years just yearning for someone to care about. Its ok to be alone.

 

[Lionheart]

I can relate to that.

I have been single myself for nearly 4 years, I find it so difficult to see what a girl would like in me over someone else. I have been called a 'horrible creature' many times.

I was told though you do have to love yourself before you can love someone else.

 

[Dollit]

There are very few people in this world who have no positive attributes whatsoever and believe me not all of us are shallow enough to go for looks or money - it's always what's in someone's heart that counts, always.

 

[Lionheart]

I wish I knew.

I beleave you there, but I have been put down so many times I am finding it more harder to say how I feel to someone, I will see how things go this year for me anyway.

Thank you for replying,

 

[Dollit]

I always make friends with someone first - all my best relationships have been with the guys I can feel safe with and trust. Some of them go back a long time. I know how bad it can be on your own but I also know how miserable it can be to be with the wrong person just because you can't face life alone.

 

[Lionheart]

Thank you

Yes I think you are right that you should trust someone before you get involved with them. I love someone right now, but she said 'I was very sweet and that she does trust me, it was just her that was stopping things from going further'. I just wish I knew how she feels about me or wheather she thinks I am as ugly as other people think?

I hope I haven't blew that trust by being stupid and embaressing her or anything.

 

[Dollit]

She wouldn't say she trusted you if she didn't - at least in my experience people don't say that unless they mean it.

And why do think that other people think you're ugly - but don't answer that if you don't want to.

 

[saffron]

Hi Lionheart
you have a lot of qualities you just have to believe you have. People who resort to name calling are the ones with the problem, getting to know someone first is a must you cannot base a good relationship withjust lust alone.
Do you actually beleive qhat these people say? people often say that if you hear something enough you start to believe it. It is bound to get you down and make you feel less worthy, but you are not and just by your posts we can feel that you have a lot of qualities and obviously sensative.
Try telling yourself everyday one positive thing that you like about yourself or something you think you deserve, llike 'to be happy'.
Be honest in why you want to ask the girl these things, telll her they way you feel because of these idiots. Honesty is the best policy even when it comes to your feelings. Be brave, challenge yourself. She iis our friend at the end of the day and remind her that..
If I knew you I would want that and I am a female.
BBest wishes
S