a good place to start? advice needed

[spuntree]

Hi everyone

I am in need of some serious advice because mental health has ripped my life apart, I don't know where to start.

I don't really know what I suffer from, the experts can't agree, all I know is that it's hard, I've been having episodes all my life and been on and off medications, anti depressents, anti psychotics, hospitals etc

Anyway last year I fell pregnant, I was having a stable patch, I came off the medication and appeared to be coping well and stable, after the birth this continued. Then I broke up with my partner and he told the social services that I was "off my trolly responding to voices" but I don't think I was, they took the baby from me.

I managed to hold it together for a couple of months after they took my baby and was having contact with him 4 days a week and battling through the courts to get him back. My psychiatrist put me back on some medication, it was too strong for me, made me too sleepy so I wasn't taking it properly and chopping it into chunks depending on how I felt.

Then I had to go through these heavy assessments with days of psychological assessing. The assessments came back bad and I was shocked. Though there was a glimmer of hope, they had recommended a mother and baby unit.

Then I don't understand why, but it all just overwhelmed me all of a sudden and have had quite a massive breakdown. Got taken into hospital but I wanted to leave so they sectioned me, a treatment order, and they began treating me with different anti psychotics. The new ones had this effect on me and I couldn't stop moving and pacing, it sent me more loopy, so they changed it back to the one I was originally on and a lower dose that I could handle. The only problem is that by then I am so off my trolly that the lower dose of the original medication just isn't working and now I am at home and I can't leave the bedroom and am really spun out and the noise I can hear is just all too much, and I am scared of my phone and anything to do with the outside world because it is all too much and I am so spun out that I can't think or do anything.

The experts are changing thier mind about the baby unit and I am seeing him less and less, I just can't cope. The case is moving fast and I am just not being given a fair chance to get treatment and get better, I am in court on friday and I don't know how I am going to manage it I can't manage the shop very well.

My CPN saw me today and she said she is not convinced I should be discharged at the 117 on monday and I am getting no where with my psychiatrist, he just isn't giving the treatment I need. I can't deal with all of this and battle the social services for my baby its all too much.

I'm struggling to go on.

Thanks

 

[rollinat]

Hi and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough time at the moment. You have had such a lot to cope with, that it is perhaps not surprising you broke down. How regularly do you see your son now?

Do you have anyone to support you at the court case? How about your CPN? - I don't know whether you feel they are supporting you or not? If not, is there anyone else you trust who would come with you?

I'm sorry, I don't have any real advice, but I just wanted to welcome you - you can offload here, you might like to consider starting a journal - and I hope someone with a bit more experience of situations like yours will come along soon.

Take care and I'm glad you found us.

Rollinat

 

[spuntree]

Thanks for the reply, I was seeing my son 4 times a week and a never missed it, I lived for the next time I could see him, then I became so unwell so fast it was quite unreal, they stopped me seeing him all together for a couple of weeks, they said I was too unwell, then my shrink recommended that I see him twice a week to start off. But the social workers are dragging their feet and I have seen him only once a week for the last couple of months.

I have never done anything to my son and was not a bad mother, I understand why everyone was concerned with my history but to just seperate us like that was a big shock.

Feeling too destroyed to fight them any more, I don't understand why they wont try to support me parenting, I feel like I am being excluded from society and written off because I have mental health problems.

I have a new CPN, I don't really know what to make of her, she seems to want to keep me in the hospital, she is coming with me tomorrow to the ward round to chat to the doctor see if we can get medication reviewed nothing seems to be working for me.

I just can't beleive that this is how mentally ill parents are treated.

 

[rollinat]

Hi, that must be so hard to see your son so infrequently. I don't know why they are dragging their feet, and I can understand that it must be incredibly hard to try to continually fight your corner, especially when the meds are making things difficult enough on their own. I hope you can get a review of meds tomorrow.

Take care.

Rollinat

 

[schiz01]

Hi spuntree
What an awful situation to be in .....i really feel for you
I thought this video might be of help to you

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[jamesdean]

I think that you need a good voice advocacy worker to help you with your case who is independant of the mh srvices your ex quite honestly sounds to be a right bastard for putting you in this situation I wish you good luck in your case,I hope that it will be a good out come foryou take care regards JD

 

[keepsafe]

Hello and welcome Spuntree

I am so sorry about the situation you are in - I hope you get some real support soon.

Keepsafe

 

[spuntree]

it's been a bit mad since i posted my introduction message, i went back for the medication review and they decided i couldn't leave the ward, then they put a needle in my bum, i got really freaked out and legged it, and now i am hiding out at a friends house and the police are looking for me, i'm not sure what they injected me with, some new medication they are trying me on,i feel ok except for a really bad stomach, feel a bit stupid for running but i just freaked, feel like i just took another step away from getting my son back, really sad

 

[schiz01]

Hi spuntree
How long ago did you get the needle.The reason i ask is i once had an bad reaction to meds they gave me in hospital and nearly died ...if i hadn't been in the hospital at the time and had help so close at hand i would have died

 

[spuntree]

it was yesterday, had really bad stomach since and can't keep my food in, but apart from that i haven't noticed anything unusual so think i will be ok, just feeling a bit foolish, my cpn really went to town with the shrink to get me a new treatment plan and i go and leg it

 

[schiz01]

I had my reaction about 16 hours after i was given the meds so be careful ...if you start to feel strange ring for help immediately.Its very rare and i don't want to scare you but you need to be aware of the possibility.
In regards to running away...I don't think you have much choice but to hand yourself in.If you want your son back you are going to have to play the game and go along with it all

 

[spuntree]

i know, i am thinking about handing myself in on monday, there is a 117 meeting, but am really scared of being locked up in there, i really can't handle that right now, i just feel this great need to hide away, can't stand any noise, it's all too much for me

 

[schiz01]

I can understand you being scared.....been through it myself ....i even ran away like you have done....family convinced me to hand myself in and the hospital was very good about it and didn't hold it against me.
Im not familiar with the set up over there but im wondering if you could get a second opinion from an independent shrink that would help you stay out of hospital.

 

[Rorschach]

i know, i am thinking about handing myself in on monday, there is a 117 meeting, but am really scared of being locked up in there, i really can't handle that right now, i just feel this great need to hide away, can't stand any noise, it's all too much for me

Spun, you have to make a calculated decision that is going to effect your and your child's future. Hospital is horrible, being injected horrible, having CP interfere with your life HORRIBLE!!!!

You need to get back to hospital, be fully compliant with treatment, get stable, and get your kid back. First things first, get stable, get well, get the authorities to see that. It's not too late, ring the hospital, talk to the nursing staff, and get back there. Otherwise they will seriously screw with you. Nobody here is gonna tell you that's fair. What is important is your child turning 18 and you giving them their present, a hug, and a kiss!!!

It's about the long game

 

[spuntree]

I know your right but I can't muster the strength to call them, I am telling myself I am going to do it.

Had a little browse of the forum and managed to pass a bit of time offering advice to others, what a great place you have here.

Now it maybe time to look again at the whole dam mess I am in and find thatbit of strength to make the call.

Thanks everyone