A Gentle Come Down???

M

madsheep

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Hey peeeeps.
Right. well after a couple of days of having on and off low moods, I have no shot up sky high.
O gosh its an amazing feeling.
Just spent about an hour and a half listening to daft happy music and dancing round the house.
Now.... I was out of it for a bit with the whole happy thing

But now I am starting to realise that although I never want this to end, maybe I should start trying to bring myself down gently. still happy, but not a complete drop in mood which is what will happen and then things will turn to shite really quickly. boy do i not want to go there today,


anyway. any suggestions on how to GENTLY bring me down to a normal happy mood.


am soooooo hiiiiiiiiiighhhh right now..... *does little dance*

(Psych docs dont believe I get a highs like this. peh to them)
 
M

madsheep

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*makes sound effects* niiiiiiiiiiiewwww. THUD.

It dropped. It dropped just like I knew it would. Was ever so slightly more steady that I thought because I got annoyed. But I am low. I am in my bed, with the door and curtains closed. Screw the world. Whats it ever done for me!
I just need a hug. :cry:
I just give up. I give up on everything. I dont want to fight all the time. I....
O who cares anyway! :cry:
 
Girl Interrupted

Girl Interrupted

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Ahhhhh the old saying: 'BPD is akin to bipolar on a diet' springs to mind. That is how I described the high before the almighty crash to my previous p/doc and they agreed. The high is a warning sign of the imminent crash and I try to see that as my psyche telling me to slow down.

Sorry you've crashed, take some time out have a rest and see if you can manage to just do the basics for a while, don't fight your emotions, let them slowly pass like waves gently rolling on the shore. Try getting a nice warm shower or bath, take a gentle stroll to the shop, challenge yourself to eat little and often and drink plenty of fluids. Try to avoid stress and enure to speak to your GP/CPN or mh worker so you've got some support at this difficult time.

(((gentle hug)))
 
M

madsheep

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Thanks for the message. The problem with telling people about these highs, is they just brush them off. They dont really believe me. Even had one on the ward and they just kept telling me to be quiet (was racing up and down halls, jumping on my bed, singing at the top of my lungs, turning round in circles....!)
Well, my old Psych didnt believe me anyway. I asked to change doctors. So my request has been granted and I get to meet the new one at the beginning of May.

I am feeling very.... tender today. Slightly lighter in mood than last night, but thats because the sun is shining and my cats are playing together.
I want to get on and do things. Was told by my OH to try and have a better day so we can do some shopping later.... how am I supposed to MAKE myself have a better day.
Tried some calming techniques. Listening to music, having a glass of milk... I still dont feel like eating. I know I should but everything just seems revulting to me right now. Had a shower. Even straightened my hair which i havent done in months. Feels kinda nice. Wish I could just get outside. Even for a little while. But I am just too scared. :(
anyway
Thanks for the hug. Really helped.
 
Girl Interrupted

Girl Interrupted

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Blimey I'm surprised you weren't decked and sedated doing that in hospital. Could it be medication that is causing the highs? Some medications can cause one to become overly hyperactive/high. Try writing down all you're feeling and how you're behaving when you feel this way. The p/doc will find it useful. BPD's are often viewed as immature attention seekers so your behaviour may be misunderstood by those you have encountered in the past.

I do recall a query in my own GP file querying my being too high on a certain medication, even though I was a minimally low dose at the time lol.

Don't push yourself too hard, making yourself do things to please others can be counter-productive, just try to enjoy the day. Try find the pleasantries of the things you do each day (I appreciate it is easier said than done). Try challenging yourself, not forcing yourself to do little tasks, i.e eating a slice of toast with something nice spread on it.

Retail therapy for a borderline is supposed to help, but if you have agoraphobia/anxiety issues with going out it can be more of a huge mountain rather than enjoying. Mybe you could use the time out to treat yourself to an ice lolly or an ice cream etc??? Hope your day is enjoyable.
 
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madsheep

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Im not on any meds. Been clean as a whistle for about 5 months now. Meds is a whole other ball game for me. Went through LOADS. Finally found one that worked. But it made me gain tonns of weight and they stopped it coz of the risk to unborn children and 'females of a birthing age'. (me and OH want a baby.)
Am going through a whole thing atm where I need something, meds, therapy, techniques, something to help me. But they call it drug seeking attention and say that they will only consider the one I was on before.... *sigh*
Have been keeping a journal on here. Have tried mood diarys and such but they just send me down. So am trying a new approach. Just write what comes into my head. Reading back it shows whats happening to me just by the language and fluidity of my writing so it kinda helps. But I have written things in the past and the docs only glance at them without a second thought.
well old doc. maybe new one will be different.
I have rather bad agoraphobia. I looked it up, and most peeps things agoraphobia is a fear of going outside. I dont fear the outside. I dont even think I have social phobia. I just fear busy places and need a way to escape. Which apparently is what agoraphobia is... :confused:
anyway. Was house bound for about a year. Now slowly getting out, but hardly ever on my own. Might sit out in the garden for a bit.
Hope things with you are ok. x x
 
Girl Interrupted

Girl Interrupted

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Agoraphobia is a collection of irrational fears, and what makes a person unable to go out alone is usually a fear of being in a situation where they cannot escape or may have a panic attack :scared::scared: The person avoids these situations, this is a safety seeking behaviour, but eventually they have avoided so many situations that the only place they feel safe is at home, hence becoming housebound. I hope that makes sense.

As for the meds, I can fully empathise. It is being misinterpreted as an attention seeking behaviour, but what it sounds as if yo are doing is desperately trying to help and understand yourself. Therapy would help, ask the new p/doc if they can refer you to a DBT programme.

Meds can be difficult both for the service user and the p/doc. I am a drugs sensitivity patient and have had very nasty side effects in the past. Yes I need meds, but the side effects have far out-weighed the benefits for me, which is frustrating cos I really do need them :cry:
 
M

madsheep

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I completely agree that its frustrating. I am not that good at explaining myself to people and so they read me all wrong and that just sends me even more crazy.
I am currently sat in the garden trying to make my wedding invitations. But I havent got very far. Just cant consentrate.
I have been on a DBT waiting list for over two and a half years now. Apparently there was a slot for me that started in march, but the place the hold it in is about 15 miles away. So I cant get there. Have no friends or family to take me and so they told me I will have to find my own way there.... :( I am hoping to get out enough to be able to start the next one, but thats rather soon and I am going backwards.
Plus I found out that its not proper DBT because they are only doing the group part of the therapy, not the 1 to 1 part as well. So the whole thought of being in a group is terrifying me and is making me a bit more reluctant. Hence the need for something to help settle me so I can consentrate my energy in the right place.

Somehow.... One day... *gazes into nothingness*
 
Girl Interrupted

Girl Interrupted

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Do you have any Community Transport near you? Ask the p/doc if the CMHT will fund transport to enable you to go straight from A-B, and also ask the p/doc to ensure you're provided with the FULL DBT programme to help you overcome your anxieties. The least they can do is ensure you have 1:1 psychotherapy and EMDR alongside the DBT group. It's not as if you you don't need it, quite clearly you do!!

These are the things you'll never get unless you ask, however anxiety provoking it may be :scared:

What have you got to lose??? :unsure:

You don't have the support from resources you need right now, and if the p/doc refused you still won't have it so nothing new there

'BUT' looking at the flip side if they say yes (y) , then it's whooooopaaaaaaaa :clap: :hug: :clap:

Take a risk, you never know what the answer could be if you don't ask :evil:
 
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