A fear of not being able to remember or change

I

In my shed

New member
Joined
Feb 2, 2009
Messages
3
Location
South of England
#1
Hi

First time for me!

I am a rational and normally together bloke. I can be a bit of a worrier but most of the time I am quite a cheerful person. I hold down a responsible job, am actively involved in some social activities (clubs etc) and have some practical hobbies (hence the "shed" username).

Just after Christmas I was doing some DIY work with my wife. All was well until one evening I seemed to suffer a huge anxiety attack. I haven't really recovered since then and I am really very concerned.

I am hoping someone will see this and may have experienced something similar. The symptoms are:

I am reminded of something by a peice of paper, a picture, video or even a song.
I then start to recall a past event but I then get concerned that I can't remember it. this then manifests into a serious panic - I actually will walk around, pacing, feeling too hot and like I am about to spiral into something uncontrollable.

I am struggling tidying up. One of our big tasks over Christmas was to get rid of some of our clutter, but obviously this causes me to get caught in this loop of panic.

I am not sure if it is a fear of not remembering or if it is a fear of change and time moving on. I've lost some friends over the last year, had to have one of our pets put down and have seen some of our friends marriages break up. It was a tough year in 2008 - but I dealt with it without a single problem - even the deaths. 2009 however has been a living Hell which I can't seem to get out of. There is nothing I look forward to and don't seem to get any enjoyment out of anything - apart from being with my children. With the latter, I am more concerned about them growing up - and I miss it (blink of an eye type feeling) or something happening to them.

When I am occupied (work or something that requires thought) I am absolutely fine. When I am relaxing - even reading emails, it can start. Not every day but it is getting more frequent. I can detail more symptoms, but there's probably enough to start with.

I know that all this is totally irrational and it is causing me fear, real panic and ruining my quality of life, but I don't know what to do. I have already spoken to a doctor who told me that my Christmas experience was most likely an allergic reaction to the glues and wood dust that I was exposed to during the DIY. Problem is - I haven't been near it since and yet I am still panicing.

Anyone experience similar or know what I might be going through and what I should do about it?

Thanks for reading this.
 
S

saffron

Guest
#2
hi in the shed ans welcome to the forum
sounds like you have had a lot of things to deal with over the last year havent you. people deal with things like this in all different ways and you were quite strong through it by the sounds of it.
however, anxiety attacks can come out of the blue, sometimes we can bottle things up, or block things out and other times we can just blurt out and cry to release the tension. sometimes it can be something very subtle that triggers these anxious feelings. If yoiu are depressed also you can forget things or take things differently to when you are feeling fine.
sometimes it can be really frightening and this may be because you feel you are loosing control, or have blocked things out so deeply that you try to fight it coming to the surface.
I would definately get another opinion from another doctor, (the last one sounds like a twat, sorry), it could be a host of reasons that you have suddenly broken down, but like an old ford, it can be rescued.
the thing is to be honest withe yourself and those around you, dont flower it up or dismiss it as being silly, your emotions are valid and important.
take care and try not to worry too much (hard I know) as this can fuel the anguish. talk to someone who you trust or get help from someone impartial in a confidential way.
you are more than welcome to vent on here and even start a journal to write your thoughts and feelings down. we are very supportive and good listeners.
take care
S
 
I

In my shed

New member
Joined
Feb 2, 2009
Messages
3
Location
South of England
#3
Hi Saffron

Thanks for the reply.

You are right about the fear of losing control. I'm not aware of blocking anything out - I think I've tended to deal with stuff when it's happened, but maybe it's some sort of delayed stress from other events?

Also your comment about remembering things differently when under stress may well be what is happening. And then because I can't remember I'm getting even more stressed.

I am grateful for what you've said - it feels a bit of a relief. I will go and see another doctor. I think she was just working on what I'd told her, which included all the DIY / dust etc.

Thanks :)
 
Q

quality factor

Guest
#4
Hi there,
After reading your post it seems that you have had a lot to deal with over the past twelve months or more, you could be gradually gathering up a few worries along the way. You seem to be 'sensitized' with physical feelings...sweating etc. I react in the same way...feeling sick, fast hearbeat to name but a few.
I would seek a second opinion and maybe try some relaxation techniques. Just tense and then relax different body parts working from your toes right through your body to your fingers, in order, it only takes 5 - 10 mins or so with practice. You need to be lying down or sitting in a comfortable chair. Try lisening to some relaxing music or sounds of nature, where you can try and put your thoughts to the back of your mind. It does take practice...I've been trying for years!!...sometimes it helps to try and switch off. Learning to breath properly will help or breathe in to a paper bag. I'm sure you will find lots more detailed info if you google panic attacks.
Good luck!
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
4,795
Location
hiding behind the sofa
#5
Our bodies are very strange things. Youve coped with a lot over the last 12months and no doubt been great support to your friends. But what can happen is when all the worst stress is over and u have nothing to worry about thats when your body takes over and goes into panic mode.

Distraction is a very good antidode for anxiety. Ive never mastered deep breathing and always seem to gasp for breath but what i have found helps.If your at home get a couple of ice cubes and hold them tight. If your in a supermarket goes to the freezer section and stick your hands in or pick up a chicken, anything to distract you. THe final piece of advice i was given was to wear a loose rubber band on your wrist and when you feel it coming on snap it quite firmily. Believe me the shock of it brings u round pretty quick.

These are all very well and good but you need to find out why this is happening now to you. I think you shld see a GP again
 
D

Dollit

Guest
#6
Hi Shed (do you mind if I call you that for short?), one of the things my consultant taught me very early on in our working relationship was that stress doesn't always happen at the event. I had a bad stress reaction to something that had happened 18 months before. He tells me that sometimes the head gets the idea but the heart takes a while to catch up.
 
cloudberry

cloudberry

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
410
Location
North Lincolnshire
#9
Comfort delayed

It could be that you are suffering from a kind of PTSD. - Post Traumatic Stress "Disorder", from coping with so much so well last year. Hence the "post" bit. It does just come on later, and hits you when you least expect it. You think you have coped, and you have, but then later Bang and it hits you.

I have seen this in others, and myself. And it is indeed triggered by little things like a bit of paper, or the smell of grass cuttings or whatever. And we go into panic.

people I know who suffer with it feel ashamed too when they research it because it was first identified as "shell shock" in WW1 troops. And obviously our distress cant be compared with what they went through.

But that is not to detract from our own distress in our time.

PTSD seems to affect those who DO cope at the time of dificulties. The "strong ones". They get a delayed reaction when they least expect it.

Its not very recognised, maybe because it is a quiet sneaky type of thing. But it does pass. The first wave passes. Sometimes it never comes back, sometimes one gets secondary waves and so on. But always less intense than the initial one.

I hope you dont get any more. And I hope, if I am right about this, that doing some online research will help support you and move you on. Help you get a grip of where you are. Re-orient you.

If I am wrong, then sorry for even mentioning it. But thought I would just in case it was the answer. It can help to know it is well documented and others have survived it and therefore so can you.

Look out for what the "triggers" are. Follow those threads back and you will then be able to acknowledge their roots and source.

Good luck and god bless,
cloudberry
 
I

In my shed

New member
Joined
Feb 2, 2009
Messages
3
Location
South of England
#10
Wow - you guys are really kind and good!

Thanks for all the advice. I did go to the docs again. Different GP who was much more helpful. Thinks it is a temporary thing that I should get over but thinks it is more of a panic attack triggered by certain stimuli. I've been given Diazepam (20mg) to take if I find it uncontrollable and spiralling (which I do too frequently at the moment).

Got to go back in 2 weeks and if still happening, then might be a case of depression (and associated medicine) or speaking to a counsellor. He didn't think that was necessary now as I seem to be functioning normally for the majority of the day. I haven't taken any Diazepam at the moment. There's a part of me that worries that it will make me lose a bit of control - and I think it is my control that is keeping me together.

As for distractions - that's dead right. I am functioning fine at work and in anything I have to organise etc. It's when I am free-wheeling that it strikes. Night time, going to sleep, evening after kids have gone to bed - basically when I'm at a bit of a loose end. Thing is occupying myself until I am so tired I fall asleep is almost killing me! I am knackered during the day.

Once again - a very big thank you. I am amazed at how helpful you have been - it's fantastic.
 
S

saffron

Guest
#11
thats fantastic shed, I am so pleased for you .
one thing though, just a bit of advice, seek advice in other holistic tecniques that will help you cope, for instance massage therapy, relaxation and positive awareness and focusing, that way you will have other things to use as help in addition or in place or diazipam, (not that diaz will not help but some people get reliant on these, if you practice other techniques now it will become the norm and easy to apply than the thought of relying on a tablet.
anyway, I really wish you the best and hope to hear from you in the future about how you are getting on, hope you keep up with the forum.
take care
S
 
S

schizolanza

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
2,521
#12
So what's the 'one move technique' neetugarg?
I tried the link,but it just took me to the homepage of a depression forum.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
#13
You can't find anything about the one move technique as it tends to be on those sites which ask for money. And what little I can find of it I would be vary wary of reading too much into it.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
midnightphoenix Generalized Anxiety Disorder Forum 29

Similar threads