• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

A Diagnosis Doesn't Change Anything

J

justabitmental

New member
Joined
May 5, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Europe
I was diagnosed with BPD (or EUPD) just before the lockdown started, which has thrown a bit of a spanner in the works as I don't know when I will be able to start accessing the appropriate treatment.

I remember though, when I was diagnosed I felt almost euphoric. I was already pretty sure that I had BPD as I hit all the markers for it, and had been living with it for ten years or more. So anyway, I was euphoric. I finally felt like I might have a chance at being understood. I phoned my parents and I told them and I felt like things would change - I spent a lot of my teenage years suffering from explosive emotional outbursts, excruciating anxiety and suicidal thoughts and tendencies amongst other things, only to be told by my mother that I was just doing it for attention (which, as you can imagine, only made me worse).

But the thing is, the diagnosis doesn't change anything. It doesn't miraculously cure me, or make me a more tolerable person to be around. I haven't really told many people aside from my parents; I don't suppose I really have any close friends to tell anyway. I guess my point is that just because I have firmly identified what my problem is, it doesn't suddenly mean that the problem is fixed.

In fact, it is possible that the diagnosis has made some things worse... Now that I know for sure what it is I have, I find myself fixating on how I will probably never have the kind of romantic relationship I want because I know from the past that I get needy or clingy or freak people out by being hypersexual. Or I worry about telling people in case they then use it as an excuse to dismiss me even when I am being logical and/or rational. My mum keeps telling me not to tell people, not to trust people... I don't think that helps though. I don't feel like I should be ashamed of it.

What are your experiences post-diagnosis?

P.S. I know all the talk about my parents makes it seem like I might be a child, but I'm a full grown woman in her mid-twenties just FYI.
 
S

sunshine4617

New member
Joined
May 5, 2020
Messages
3
Location
CO
Before I was diagnosed I knew I had BPD (over a year ago), just needed the confirmation from a professional. Right after I was telling everyone I had BPD. It was this weird mix of being right and finally knowing what it was. It was validating since I always knew it was something more than depression/anxiety. Now I don't tell anyone I have it, other than people I know I can trust. People change once they know that. I feel like once I tell people I'm no longer a person, I'm the crazy chick with the personality disorder. I don't get taken seriously once they know and any reaction I have is chalked up to BPD. I made the mistake of telling my mother, although overall she doesn't use it against me anymore.

I completely agree with you when you say knowing what the problem is doesn't fix it. It really doesn't. I wish I could say I don't have the same fears about romantic relationships and life in general.

I don't want you to feel ashamed to have BPD. I will say there's so much stigma attached to it, personally and professionally. People hear personality disorder and really don't understand what that means. I don't tell people anymore, or not right away at least, because I want to be seen as a person, not a disorder.
 
Alice Raven

Alice Raven

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
900
Location
USA
I am so sorry you are going through that and I can imagine that the diagnosis may have been a relief, but certainly not a cure or even a fix. What you describe is very much what I experienced in a friend. He was very fixated on never finding a romantic partner and had only had one at the age of 15, nearly ten years ago. He had seen a therapist, but was adamantly against getting a diagnosis or further treatment because he felt that would make all of the issues real. He fixated on me and became overwhelmingly clingy and was hypersexual. We never had a relationship, but his constant demands for sex were...unsettling. And never mind that I'm married. That fact did not impede his constant need for attention.

I really empathize with you and I could feel the fear and need in him. I absolutely would have embraced him as a continued close friend, but once he was determined that I was going to be his caged bird, baby factory, it all spiraled out of control. I found him unattractive, immature, arrogant and he was broke, lived in his mom's basement, was uneducated and had no job or career potential so a relationship was never going to happen, but he became a stalker now.

I do wish you the best and you seem to have a level of insight that he never had. You seem to have a good grasp of where you are and what you hope for. I am also well into my 20s and I have a close relationship with my parents and still rely on them for advice and care so no shame there for you.
 
Top