A couple questions

Daniilove25

Daniilove25

Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Alabama
#1
Good morning all, so when I first saw a therapist I remember her having me take a dpd test on my second visit, I saw her about 4 times before I ran into money issues so it's been a while since I've been able to see her. The test made it seem like in order to have the problem you had to feel like you were watching yourself do things, but I've been struggling a lot lately and started researching it a bit, I've noticed other tests for it and people's experiences say it's not like you're watching yourself do things with no way to control it but more like you are watching yourself do things but through your eyes, you don't physically see yourself, and that's what I had tried to explain to the therapist when I told her I didn't know how to answer the question.

I have episodes where I feel like I'm watching everything happen but can't control it, but I'm seeing it through my own eyes, this happens worse when emotions are high for me.
I can be having an argument and realize that I'm going off and what I'm doing isn't logical and can sit there telling myself to stop and that it isn't a big deal, and it's like I'm yelling at myself inside my head just trying to control myself and I'm not responding to myself. I don't even know if I'm explaining this well or if it makes any sense :/
I have issues with not feeling like I'm real or like things around me are real, which I marked that I didn't feel like the world around me was fake in the test but I guess I didn't really realize how common of an issue it was for me at the time, I started noticing it more and more though.
It's more like I'm watching things happen through someone else's eyes and can't stop anything from happening, though I know that it's my body so I don't know if this is the same...
I feel out of control a lot and I constantly feel like there is something wrong with me but I can't place my finger on it, it makes me feel insane.
I don't hear voices or anything, I talk to myself but not in a way where it's like I'm talking to someone else, and normally not out loud, I've heard other people do this and it's normal, but then I will be sitting there and it's like I'll ask myself what I'm doing or something and I'll reply to myself inside me head. And then my anxiety starts spiking because it turns into full blown back and forth things which always turns into me feeling like in crazy but then I'm like you can stop this, you can just stop replying, you're doing this to yourself, you're not crazy, you're just being stupid, you just want something to be wrong with you, and then I'm like why would I make this up, why would I want something to be wrong? But then I just start feeling more and more crazy, and I just don't know how to stop myself, I guess I just overanalyze everything.
Does this sound like disassociation? Or am I just being stupid?
Note to add that I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, I've also been perscribed Adderall, though the psychiatrist I go to never actually had me take a test for ADD or ADHD.

I'm tired and confused and don't even know what to do anymore, so often none of this seems real and it just leaves me feeling drained, I hate myself and I don't even feel like I know who I am anymore :/
 
Daniilove25

Daniilove25

Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Alabama
#2
I would also like to add on another thing, which I haven't seen anything about this so I am not sure if it's normal or not.

When I'm watching a movie or reading or something I get so roped in that even when the show or movie ends or I stop reading that I will take on the emotions/feelings of the main person.

For example the character is betrayed, I will feel angry or depressed or both and feel as though it happened to me, and it's not a fleeting feeling, it can ruin my entire day, and I act out and will lash at other people because of it. Logically I know these things didn't happen to me but I can't make the feeling go away.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,579
Location
USA
#3
Hi there.Sorry your posts were overlooked.

I suggest maybe you go talk to a professional about your experiences.I wouldn't want to take a guess on what's going on with you.