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A combination of strange mental sensations.

W

Wirocajun

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Mar 21, 2015
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I'm 20. I have been diagnosed with Asperger's, but my mother 'thinks' I have Hyperlexia. This led me to believe I had HFA, which I thought was different, but it turns out it's just another way to say Asperger's.
I'm fairly well functioning, but I feel I have had something happen along the road that has caused me to hallucinate, project and distort things around me, and see things that aren't there.
I've also gone through a phase of sorts where I was wearing women's clothes, and admittedly it was comfortable. But for some reason it didn't feel like me truly.

Something is happening that is part of a bigger picture, and I don't know what it is.

WHen I was small, I would watch AFV with my mother. A small kid enjoying his favorite show with his parent... and then the infamous screamer came on. 'WHat's wrong with this picture?' And suddenly, being a small child, I saw an eyeless person scream at my face. This led to dreams where my mother's arms shoulder down were bone and handless, and her lower jaw exposed telling me to go back to sleep.
Dreams where a robot was telling me I would die next.
Dreams where in the dark of night a band would play as loudly as they could... backwards.
I do want to figure out what this truly is, because my therapist has not truly helped me in any fashion. All she has done is suggest payment of things that I could try, or listen to me and write it all down. In what way it helps anyone is past me, but I can't understand myself let alone what she's doing.
I need better help. I daydream of loved ones dying, and I listen to the darkest music imaginable. If I wanted to listen to darker, that would be Nazi Death Metal, which I find repulsive. My constant need for caffeine or chocolate, etc. has caused an arrhythmia that affects me every two weeks to month. I have become desensitized to many violent things and other language. Many of my nightmares are demonic, and my thought processes involve a lot of inappropriate things.

I just want to figure out what's wrong with me so I can maybe find something to surpress the side effects or be able to 'cure' any of it. I've already spent enough time with people that Asperger's has become such a small aspect of my life where people have become very predictable and noticeable in my range of vision.
...help?
 
blueflames

blueflames

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Hi and welcome

This all sounds very distressing for you:unsure: I am really not sure what to suggest ?? The thoughts sound like intrusive thoughts?? There is lots of stuff on the net that might help.. OCD Free - How To Overcome Intrusive Thoughts

Other than that, I would suggest writing things down and taking them back to your MH therapist.

Hopefully someone else will be able to help more xx
 
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