a bit about mania

dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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I take enough antipsychotics to make a big scary thing forget all about itself...
like a monster that hides a lot.

I suppose that's the idea?

cos?... it's like to me a monster with some diabolical intellect is just waiting and hiding in amongst my daytime and night-time stuff.

it's got thoughts ideas impressions and understandings that hurt to recognise...
but amongst the unmedicated or half medicated or just not enough medicated..

me!

am I me?

what is happening to what I told myself?

those comfortable conditions I gave myself to survive in?

suddenly it's all happening way to slow!

and a brand new addiction becomes the solution... to take to the maximum of whats indescribably possible.

and once achieved?..

is everything just way too loud? and the good and bad sounds are a permanent echo in my head.

and it's not even quarter way over yet not finished!

there are desperate memories of brilliance to over-ride the suicide...

reaching reaching I reach something whatever it is and decide to adopt it ...

could be every conspiracy on the planet to give me rest..

cos I don't trust the reality I am apparently here to experience..

and the INSTANT recovery is not essentially good for me...

like I discarded anything and everything that might just assist me.

to think otherwise than I do?

but manic depression is the worst thing to happen to a person who has anything less than flesh injuries or gunshots to the head!

for a bipolar person?
mania is real life
and medicated bipolar is something else

some kind of disaster

with the meds I hurt

without the meds I don't feel the pain

and to make things a bit more difficult

I am on the autism spectrum
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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hallo dear Fairy Lucretia...

I am still alive

it's very nice to be remembered!

I feel a bit happy by what you said...

thankyou

how are you? xo
 
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Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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im so happy you are back
im sorry you need to be here though x

are you on my friends list? if not please feel free to add me
i would love you to be on my friends list x
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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ok... Fairy

I will make an attempt to be on your friends list

...although and complete!...I am anyway ...just in case I fail the computer
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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Messages
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it seems it was really easy...almost too much Fairy

thankyou xx
 
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