a bad month of anthropophobia

N

Nature buff

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Joined
Oct 30, 2018
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I'm afraid of people. but at the same time I crave to have them in my life. It's exhausting. after having my phone stolen out of my vehicle at work a month ago my anthropophobia came back with a vengance and I was forced to call off any event involving others in my life for the month. All I managed was to get to work and home and I put my headphones on at work so no one would talk to me. I have been in total avoidance. I quit drinking this month as well. so it's been extra hard.

So that brings me to why I'm all of a sudden reaching out... it's my birthday soon and my partner has arranged for some people to come over. I'm so very very very not looking forward to it and I already called it off once already but now it's back on again. one of the people coming is fairly new to my life and is mad that I have ignored her efforts to contact me and not replied to 3 invites to her house this month. I felt I needed to explain my illness to her so she can find it in her heart to forgive and forget and to understand that it's nothing she has done. I did that but I have not had a response. I don't ever put myself out there but she was an old childhood friend so I went above and beyond in this case only. I'm afraid I will never hear from her again now that she knows I'm strange. lol! I don't know how else to say it. ya, I'm strange. I totally had her believing I was normal for the first 2 months of our reunion. I'm feeling sad and embarrassed. Very very embarrassed for being so afraid of people and not being able to function like everyone else around people...unless I'm drunk which is another reason for avoiding this gathering of friends. sad. Does anyone relate to this??
 
A

Ame Neox

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Joined
Oct 31, 2018
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Hi :)
I can not relate in the area of having anthropophobia, however, I am extremely introverted which can have some similar effects. When we are going through struggles, it can be normal for people to withdraw an become self-reflective, quitting drinking can be a huge struggle - I commend you! That said, I have found that as scary as it is, or embarrassing, it is best to be honest. Honest about not wanting to do something, or being honest about how something makes you feel. You aren't strange for not fitting into a 'box', no person is perfect, but if you have friends who are not understanding about your position then you should perhaps question the sort of positive influence they will hold in your life. People are not required to be agreeable (even on their birthday), there is nothing wrong with saying no - and not feeling bad about it. You have that right. I know it is hard to talk about and there are many inner emotions about the topic, but the more you speak about it openly the easier it becomes, and you might find people more compassionate. There are also psychologists who can offer some coping mechanisms for social anxiety as well!
 
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