C
Cantstopwontstop
Member
My daughter is 8..she tells me with a concerned tone she can hear and see things no one else can.. I ask her to explain... She says she only hears my voice and dads voice giving words that comfort her... But her visual hallucinations frighten her... She often says she sees her dad, but also exampled seeing a large, human sized spider climbing from her closet.. I'd chalk it up to a child's mind and lights playing tricks.. but they are in broad daylight for extended periods of time...
I also suspect she's having delusions. She has a few times now expressed she believes a circumstance happened vastly different than both documented and recalled by others.. even when she could verbally confirm she understood properly previously.
Additionally, she's having very very very intense melt downs. She's always had a hard time with these little fits..but they're becoming extremely frequent and extremely concerning. My Dr mentioned DMDD.. but I don't see that as fitting because she's an extremely happy child, almost abnormally, outside of her fits. She cannot process being upset...if she feels a need if gets isn't being met, she makes fists, stomps feet, slams doors, hits herself very hard, screamsthings like she isn't worth anything and doesn't deserve love and should just die.. repeats phrases like "I wanna watch it" when denied a requested movie, again and again to point of hyperventilating and making herself sick.. she only responds positively to physical comfort (being held, hugged, soothed)
Which I dont mind.. but I'm a stay at home, home school parent of 4 children, (13yo on the spectrum, 10yo, 8yo and tantrum throwing toddler).. I have other things and people that need me just as much as she does.. these tantrum are happening several times a day.. I need to sleep... My kids have pressed me to the point where I literally don't sit down once at all during the day and forget to eat. And even still, night time they need me too.. I'm so damn tired.
I have no help. Dad works a great deal to keep us afloat and no family in the state.. and I actually can't juggle trying to have people that expect me to stay in contact AND maintain necessary structure in the home. Ive worked really hard for a couple years now at not accidentally making friends,it risks my family and home.
Im diagnosed schizoaffective bipolar and most commonly throughout my life have had one kind of hallucination where it's a combination of auditory and visual.. I have had all kinds though, including olfactory. I get delusions and paranoia when not medicated. I suspect characteristics of similar mental health struggles on both my maternal and paternal sides.
I see one immediate family member on the child's father's side as well, exhibiting a severe psychotic break.
It's not that I don't care.. I care about my kids more than my own life.. I've been trying to get them all into the mental health assistance programs for months now.. I keep missing appointments for a long list of reasons... They put the appointment soooo far out then my phone breaks or I went off my meds or so many things... I am trying not to lose it but I can't stop thinking what if I'm not fit to be a mom? I know once care is established I'll be on top of it.. it's just these 2hr phone appointments scheduled 30days out that I keep losing track of... It's to the point where I detect irritation in the voice of the lady that calls to reschedule and I'm embarrassed and don't even want to apologize and ask for another reschedule... I might seek a different provider because I'm so embarrassed!!!
Ugg I guess I just wanted to vent and maybe someone has insight, suggestions, or ideas I'm missing..
I also suspect she's having delusions. She has a few times now expressed she believes a circumstance happened vastly different than both documented and recalled by others.. even when she could verbally confirm she understood properly previously.
Additionally, she's having very very very intense melt downs. She's always had a hard time with these little fits..but they're becoming extremely frequent and extremely concerning. My Dr mentioned DMDD.. but I don't see that as fitting because she's an extremely happy child, almost abnormally, outside of her fits. She cannot process being upset...if she feels a need if gets isn't being met, she makes fists, stomps feet, slams doors, hits herself very hard, screamsthings like she isn't worth anything and doesn't deserve love and should just die.. repeats phrases like "I wanna watch it" when denied a requested movie, again and again to point of hyperventilating and making herself sick.. she only responds positively to physical comfort (being held, hugged, soothed)
Which I dont mind.. but I'm a stay at home, home school parent of 4 children, (13yo on the spectrum, 10yo, 8yo and tantrum throwing toddler).. I have other things and people that need me just as much as she does.. these tantrum are happening several times a day.. I need to sleep... My kids have pressed me to the point where I literally don't sit down once at all during the day and forget to eat. And even still, night time they need me too.. I'm so damn tired.
I have no help. Dad works a great deal to keep us afloat and no family in the state.. and I actually can't juggle trying to have people that expect me to stay in contact AND maintain necessary structure in the home. Ive worked really hard for a couple years now at not accidentally making friends,it risks my family and home.
Im diagnosed schizoaffective bipolar and most commonly throughout my life have had one kind of hallucination where it's a combination of auditory and visual.. I have had all kinds though, including olfactory. I get delusions and paranoia when not medicated. I suspect characteristics of similar mental health struggles on both my maternal and paternal sides.
I see one immediate family member on the child's father's side as well, exhibiting a severe psychotic break.
It's not that I don't care.. I care about my kids more than my own life.. I've been trying to get them all into the mental health assistance programs for months now.. I keep missing appointments for a long list of reasons... They put the appointment soooo far out then my phone breaks or I went off my meds or so many things... I am trying not to lose it but I can't stop thinking what if I'm not fit to be a mom? I know once care is established I'll be on top of it.. it's just these 2hr phone appointments scheduled 30days out that I keep losing track of... It's to the point where I detect irritation in the voice of the lady that calls to reschedule and I'm embarrassed and don't even want to apologize and ask for another reschedule... I might seek a different provider because I'm so embarrassed!!!
Ugg I guess I just wanted to vent and maybe someone has insight, suggestions, or ideas I'm missing..
