amathus

amathus

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#1
1.The strong attraction between narcissists and people pleasers is no accident. There is a magnetic pull between the two that is very difficult to break because each is meeting a deep need of the other. This is not the fault of one over the other. Rather, it is an unhealthy union that breeds dysfunction.

2.Narcissism demands to be fed and people pleasers are the best source. Contrary to the outward appearance of self-reliance, determination, and independence, narcissists internally crave approval from others. They need a constant daily supply of attention, admiration, and affection. This endorsement is necessary to secure their superior status over others. Without it, they become intensely angry.

3.People pleasers like to impress others, offer support, and feel needed by others in order to validate their self-worth. They are constantly seeking acceptance and belonging from others which narcissists are willing to supply as long as things are done their way.

4.Narcissists can be very protective of people pleasers because they don’t want their source of esteem to disappear. People pleasers need to feel as though they belong to someone and who better than a narcissist who appears larger than life. As a result, both gain a sense of control and security.

5.The ultimate in boosting confidence for a people pleaser is to gain approval from a hard to please person such as a narcissist. There is a sense that if a person can get the narcissist’s approval, they can then get just about anyone else. Naturally, the narcissist loves the attention and constant seeking of their approval because it feeds their ego.

6.People pleasers see narcissists through rose-colored glasses, ignoring any distasteful characteristics. This validates the narcissist’s view of self because they don’t see their own faults. People pleasers are willing to look past the negative aspects of narcissism in exchange for acceptance.
When narcissists become angry, people pleasers often take the blame. Rather than holding the narcissist accountable for their behavior, the people pleasers prefer to calm the situation down by accepting unnecessary responsibility. The narcissist needs to have someone else to be accountable for failures because their ego cannot handle being wrong.

7.Narcissists love to rescue others. This feeds their belief that they are better, stronger, and more powerful than others. People pleasers often take on too much and as a result need someone to come alongside and clean up the mess. Because a people pleaser shows extreme levels of gratitude for the help, the narcissist is willing to give it.

Breaking free from this attraction takes considerable work but it can be done. It begins with the simple step of identifying the narcissist and admitting the people pleasing tendency. It is never too late to see things clearly.

By Christine Hammond MS,LMHC
 
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calypso

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#3
I am dubious about narcissists wanting to rescue people, that's not what I have seen at all. I do also wonder if the narcissists "profile" the people pleasers and they are the ones who gravitate towards them, not the other way around. The reason I say that is that people pleasers can find any number of places to do that. Just my thoughts.
 
blacksmoke

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#4
eeeeeeeeeeee sounds a lil bit like my parents! except for this bit "Narcissists can be very protective of people pleasers " my mother is always moaning about my dad and my mother can never do a thing wrong in my dads eyes.:shrug::unsure:

oh and my mother is so into her own little bubble that hell could freeze over and she wouldnt do anything, regarding helping others
 
calypso

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#5
I agree blacksmoke, I missed that line. I don't see them as protecting anyone but themselves. That isn't said to be negative to a person with narcissism, just I don't agree with those sides in that condition.
 
BillFish

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#6
1.The strong attraction between narcissists and people pleasers is no accident. There is a magnetic pull between the two that is very difficult to break because each is meeting a deep need of the other. This is not the fault of one over the other. Rather, it is an unhealthy union that breeds dysfunction.

2.Narcissism demands to be fed and people pleasers are the best source. Contrary to the outward appearance of self-reliance, determination, and independence, narcissists internally crave approval from others. They need a constant daily supply of attention, admiration, and affection. This endorsement is necessary to secure their superior status over others. Without it, they become intensely angry.

3.People pleasers like to impress others, offer support, and feel needed by others in order to validate their self-worth. They are constantly seeking acceptance and belonging from others which narcissists are willing to supply as long as things are done their way.

4.Narcissists can be very protective of people pleasers because they don’t want their source of esteem to disappear. People pleasers need to feel as though they belong to someone and who better than a narcissist who appears larger than life. As a result, both gain a sense of control and security.

5.The ultimate in boosting confidence for a people pleaser is to gain approval from a hard to please person such as a narcissist. There is a sense that if a person can get the narcissist’s approval, they can then get just about anyone else. Naturally, the narcissist loves the attention and constant seeking of their approval because it feeds their ego.

6.People pleasers see narcissists through rose-colored glasses, ignoring any distasteful characteristics. This validates the narcissist’s view of self because they don’t see their own faults. People pleasers are willing to look past the negative aspects of narcissism in exchange for acceptance.
When narcissists become angry, people pleasers often take the blame. Rather than holding the narcissist accountable for their behavior, the people pleasers prefer to calm the situation down by accepting unnecessary responsibility. The narcissist needs to have someone else to be accountable for failures because their ego cannot handle being wrong.

7.Narcissists love to rescue others. This feeds their belief that they are better, stronger, and more powerful than others. People pleasers often take on too much and as a result need someone to come alongside and clean up the mess. Because a people pleaser shows extreme levels of gratitude for the help, the narcissist is willing to give it.

Breaking free from this attraction takes considerable work but it can be done. It begins with the simple step of identifying the narcissist and admitting the people pleasing tendency. It is never too late to see things clearly.

By Christine Hammond MS,LMHC
I wish I could take a narcissism pill, I might actually get somewhere in life......Yosser Hughes, gizz a job.
 
Nikita

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#7
I am dubious about narcissists wanting to rescue people, that's not what I have seen at all. I do also wonder if the narcissists "profile" the people pleasers and they are the ones who gravitate towards them, not the other way around. The reason I say that is that people pleasers can find any number of places to do that. Just my thoughts.
My sister loved me to need rescuing by her and it made her feel good if I needed her too to do stuff I couldn't.She enjoyed the power,she didn't always help out sometimes she dangled the fact she could help but didn't want to and wasn't going to ,other times she would do it and never stop showing her resentment for it!Believe me she is a narcissist as well as a sociopath!
 
mami5

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#8
A narcissist + a BPD = time bomb waiting to explode.

I agree with a lot of the above, but I don't have any experience of feeling rescued or protected, quite the opposite actually.
 
N

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#9
I think the word "people pleaser" is inaccurately used here. I am often described as "too nice", and I often end up with people who feel an exaggerated sense of entitlement (i.e. have narcissistic traits) - although actually I am not always physically attracted to them, I have been known to go out with people who I am not attracted to but that is because I went through a phase of believing I was simply not attracted to anyone so I started looking at things a different way.

Anyway, for me I don't "please" others in order to win their approval, I do it to avoid guilt and to protect people I view as vulnerable. When I am around people with narcissistic traits, I pick up on their fragility (because they are very vulnerable, to be fair) and overfocus on this. To me, narcissists come across like "little boys": Children that require protection. The trap I am more likely to fall into is feeling a strong maternal urge towards people who appear narcissistic as I feel I am looking at a small, vulnerable child.

At the same time, I recognise their social currency, and being - as I am - a little too interested in status (sometimes I have not held hands with boyfriends in public if I felt they were not attractive enough....yeah......I'd like to make it clear I was a lot younger when I did that). In a way, then, I have narcissistic traits myself and tend to see boyfriends in some way as a kind of proof my own special status. So I often feel I could not marry someone who was not "celebrity-style" good looking (although obviously they need to have all the other traits I want too). So it works that way as well.

Basically, I think my version of people pleasing - in the first para - is pretty common and is a different kind of narcissistic/people pleasing relationship. In essence, I often stay with narcissists because I pity them...

Oh also - just thought - I tend to walk around with an exaggerated sense that I owe the world something. As a result, I tend to fall in with people who have an exaggerated sense that the world owes THEM something. I'm essentially standing on the street screaming: "Please can I provide for someone? I'm pretty sure I'm indebted and it's making me feel uncomfortable!" And they hear that and come running :)
 
Kurtcobain93_RIP

Kurtcobain93_RIP

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#10
I am dubious about narcissists wanting to rescue people, that's not what I have seen at all. I do also wonder if the narcissists "profile" the people pleasers and they are the ones who gravitate towards them, not the other way around. The reason I say that is that people pleasers can find any number of places to do that. Just my thoughts.
My sister loved me to need rescuing by her and it made her feel good if I needed her too to do stuff I couldn't.She enjoyed the power,she didn't always help out sometimes she dangled the fact she could help but didn't want to and wasn't going to ,other times she would do it and never stop showing her resentment for it!Believe me she is a narcissist as well as a sociopath!
Here we go about your sister again
 
Kurtcobain93_RIP

Kurtcobain93_RIP

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#11
A narcissist + a BPD = time bomb waiting to explode.

I agree with a lot of the above, but I don't have any experience of feeling rescued or protected, quite the opposite actually.
What about sociopath + BPD
 
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