50 years in and BPD

G

Girl interupted

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Nov 17, 2018
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311
#1
I thought I would create a thread where I can share what has helped in providing stability for me about this disorder. I am in no way cured of it, but I’ve had some insights that have provided me with some peace.

I thought we could all create a proactive list of things we have learned, that have helped, in order to help others who are struggling. Please feel free to add to it.

1. While there may be times in life where you have no choice, the best thing you can do for yourself is to create some distance between you and your abuser. Even living apart can be helpful to providing you with perspective and strength.

2. While BPD does have genetic indicators, often it’s a result of abuse during childhood. Your abusers are likely mentally ill as well and don’t realize or have no capacity to understand what they’ve done wrong. The minute you let go of trying to make them own up to what they’ve done, you will start to feel some relief and can approach them with a different perspective and better armour.

3. You are allowed to be angry. Find an outlet to process it, whether through exercise or therapy. Do not stuff it down inside. It will leak out at inappropriate times.

4. You are not alone. This forum is just one example of how many people are struggling, just like you.

5. Try mindful meditation. It uses similar practices to DBT and can help when things feel particularly bleak. Like any exercise, or building up any muscle, you will get stronger and better at it with daily practice, so that it can provide the strongest relief when things are bad. You can’t go to it only in times of crisis, work on it daily so it supports you when you do need it.

6. Try not to focus on any one thing in your life; whether that’s a career, a partner or something else. By having many interests or foci, if you experience a bump in one, it won’t have as devastating an impact on mood if it’s your only reason for being.

7. Social anxiety. This can particularly daunting, but find a book club, go to a lecture, help build a house for habitat for humanity, find something you can attend and be around people but there is a set agenda for discussion. The focus won’t be on you, and you can interact when you feel comfortable. Likewise you can leave if it’s too much. These simple interactions can ease you back into social settings without the pressure.

8. Write things down. If your mind is running away with you, write down what you are feeling and experiencing. When you feel more stable, go back and read what you wrote to help you identify triggers.
 
4EVRHSP

4EVRHSP

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Mar 11, 2019
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#2
This is an awesome idea, i've watched this thread as I need more techniques and coping mechanisms and this is just perfect for that. I also agree with all of your suggestions and can't think of anymore to add!
 
megirl

megirl

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#3
The writing things down certainly helps

Joining this forum is a great way to vent and share experiences.
I found having no further contact in any way whatsoever with my mother the person who physically and emotionally abused me has made a massive difference.
When I told my pdoc what I had done she was so pleased for me,and relieved
 
Chai_tea

Chai_tea

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Mar 16, 2019
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#4
Thanks for the tip, the mindful meditation is a technique is something I want to implement into my day to day life.
 
T

Tree

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Feb 21, 2019
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#5
Great idea! I meditate daily, usually guided meditations, and have found they help a lot when I really need them. I also have limited contact with my mum, but sort of rebuilding a relationship with her where I don't have expectations for her to be a normal mother. I have worked through a lot of anger re: her abuse to allow me to do this.

I have been in and out of therapy most of my adult life. Currently, I am seeing a dedicated trauma therapist for the first time and am loving the work we are doing because it is getting results. I feel much less anxious. I am, however, still very paranoid sometimes. That's something I need to work on. I spoke to a counselling line recently and they have emailed me some links on acceptance and commitment therapy as being useful to deal with unwanted (paranoid) thoughts. I haven't read it yet, but can post any links if they seem useful.

I really like your advice on having more interests. I need to take that advice!

Thanks for posting this!