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4 years and counting...

S

ssweet

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Finland
Hi everyone!

So for the past four years i have suffered from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and it has not only made my everyday life a living hell but also led to me having depression and anxiety. I have been in therapy for four years now and i'm on medication. For a while it looked like i was getting better but then i was sexually abused. That triggered my anxiety and depression very badly and i started to have suicidal thoughts.

Now i'm up at 3.46 am writing this post because i feel like i can't do this anymore. It feels like every day is a battle and i just want it to stop. I don't know what to do. I'm already in therapy and on meds, so is there really anything more to do? It feels like my past won't let me go. I try to find purpose in life but i only have strenght to lie in bed.

I fear that i'll have to suffer for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do. I know some of you have been in a similar situation and i was hoping i could maybe find some answers here. I just need some hope.

Thank u so much for taking the time to read this ❤
 
D

Daringdan

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2020
Messages
293
Location
Louisville, Ky
Welcome ssweet,
I have OCD thoughts that bother me daily, well, that plus paranoia. I know for me it can make life really difficult and maintaining reasons to live is hard too. But I think that's the key. Find and continue to find each day reasons to live and try and be happy. I think most people can find activities and hobbies to absorb themselves in to distract from OCD and other conditions. Do you have something to drawn your mind into? For example, posting regularly on these forums can hold my attention fairly well.
 
S

ssweet

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Finland
Welcome ssweet,
I have OCD thoughts that bother me daily, well, that plus paranoia. I know for me it can make life really difficult and maintaining reasons to live is hard too. But I think that's the key. Find and continue to find each day reasons to live and try and be happy. I think most people can find activities and hobbies to absorb themselves in to distract from OCD and other conditions. Do you have something to drawn your mind into? For example, posting regularly on these forums can hold my attention fairly well.
You're absolutely right. And i do try to find something good in each day! It's just really hard because of depression my brain tells me it's all bad. I have tried to find something that i enjoy doing but these days it's really hard for me. I feel like depression has sucked all the joy in my life away. But i try to live for the good moments in my life and try to think that it's really not all bad. Honestly i already feel better just talking about this here on forums so maybe i should keep doing this. I hope we both can beat our demons and find happiness in life. ❤
 
N

Ninja3088

Member
Joined
Oct 2, 2020
Messages
15
Location
Ashland,oregon
Hi everyone!

So for the past four years i have suffered from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and it has not only made my everyday life a living hell but also led to me having depression and anxiety. I have been in therapy for four years now and i'm on medication. For a while it looked like i was getting better but then i was sexually abused. That triggered my anxiety and depression very badly and i started to have suicidal thoughts.

Now i'm up at 3.46 am writing this post because i feel like i can't do this anymore. It feels like every day is a battle and i just want it to stop. I don't know what to do. I'm already in therapy and on meds, so is there really anything more to do? It feels like my past won't let me go. I try to find purpose in life but i only have strenght to lie in bed.

I fear that i'll have to suffer for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do. I know some of you have been in a similar situation and i was hoping i could maybe find some answers here. I just need some hope.

Thank u so much for taking the time to read this ❤
Hi there!
I absolutely know what you’re saying. I have bipolar 1 and have suffered from severe anxiety and depression for most of my adult life. It’s been a wild ride. There have been a few times in my life where the only thing the made me feel better was knowing that other people were going through or had gone through the same thing so I find online forums to be great. I suggest maybe you find a support group you can go to in your area if it doesn’t make you too anxious. Or group therapy. There’s something about that setup that has helped me and seems to help others. Also, just because the meds you’re on haven’t seem to have done much it may be that there are other meds that could be a lot more helpful. Always be open to your psychiatrist with how you’re feeling. If you’re really not happy with the results your doctor might try another med. just always be informed. Ok. I hope some of this was helpful. And one other thing which you should take with a grain of salt since I’m not a psychiatrist. Topamax really seemed to help my OCD when I was out on it. It’s generally used for weight loss but it can be used off label for other types of mental illness I believe. I have no idea if there are any studies on Topamax and it’s effectiveness with OCD, but maybe ask your doctor about it. Ok have a great night. Stay strong.

Ninja
 
S

ssweet

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Finland
Hi there!
I absolutely know what you’re saying. I have bipolar 1 and have suffered from severe anxiety and depression for most of my adult life. It’s been a wild ride. There have been a few times in my life where the only thing the made me feel better was knowing that other people were going through or had gone through the same thing so I find online forums to be great. I suggest maybe you find a support group you can go to in your area if it doesn’t make you too anxious. Or group therapy. There’s something about that setup that has helped me and seems to help others. Also, just because the meds you’re on haven’t seem to have done much it may be that there are other meds that could be a lot more helpful. Always be open to your psychiatrist with how you’re feeling. If you’re really not happy with the results your doctor might try another med. just always be informed. Ok. I hope some of this was helpful. And one other thing which you should take with a grain of salt since I’m not a psychiatrist. Topamax really seemed to help my OCD when I was out on it. It’s generally used for weight loss but it can be used off label for other types of mental illness I believe. I have no idea if there are any studies on Topamax and it’s effectiveness with OCD, but maybe ask your doctor about it. Ok have a great night. Stay strong.

Ninja
Thank you so much for the great suggestions! I already feel more hopeful knowing that i'm not alone. ❤ In the past i have thought about switching my meds and after reading your post i actually think i should give it a try. I'll try to talk to my psychiatrist about it. Stay strong too! I know we can get through this no matter how hard it seems right now.
 
N

Ninja3088

Member
Joined
Oct 2, 2020
Messages
15
Location
Ashland,oregon
Thank you so much for the great suggestions! I already feel more hopeful knowing that i'm not alone. ❤ In the past i have thought about switching my meds and after reading your post i actually think i should give it a try. I'll try to talk to my psychiatrist about it. Stay strong too! I know we can get through this no matter how hard it seems right now.
Ok! Please be really informed about side effects and the meds yourself. And ask your doctor questions if you need. You probably know this but sometimes switching meds can be a bit rocky since it’s hard to say who will react well to a med and who won’t. So trust your doctor but also don’t be in the backseat. Have an awesome day!
 
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