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3 Months In to current bout, Trying to Help my loved one, what would you do?

A

andrew2010

Member
Joined
Aug 26, 2014
Messages
10
3 Months In to current bout, Trying to Help my loved one, what would you do?

Hi Folks,

Although i don't post on here often, the time i did, i greatly appreciated the help. In fact although it has been tough times, i'm trying to stay strong for my partner and help them through and maybe one day i would like to be able to help others, but one step at a time.

My partner suffers from a number of conditions, PTSD being one, Depression, Anxiety and Panic Attacks and maybe one other big one that has not been diagnosed. ( Her psychologist has advised/suggested i should get her to go for a psychiatric assessment -- but there is absolutely no way that i could suggest that to her now as any additional worry or burden would throw her over the edge -- as it is getting her to do one new thing puts her under tremendous stress and any suggestion that she is unwell, especially with regards to her psychotic behavior would through her in to a terrifying destructive rage)

She unfortunately lives on a knife edge all the time, she has managed to see a doctor now, had 10 weeks of counselling, about to start on another 3 months. She is very anti doctor and anti medicine and has turned down all medication to date - which means we have gone through some very hard time with psychotic episodes. Good news is she has agreed to see the doctor ref medicine for the depression and anxiety so all going well (after 4 years) she may get some help with this soon.

Perhaps my question is what more can i do to help? I try be a 100% positive person for her, i have made sure to not complain about anything in front of her. Support her and do more or less everything at home --(not because i'm want to do it all but if i didnt do it - it wouldnt get done)

I have to admit i find it VERY VERY VERY hard living with her, unfortunately she moans and complains about everything and because of her condition she treats me quite badly, including more or less splitting me from my family and being controlling. It is hard - she has many false beliefs about me and even my family and has pretty much banned me from seeing them.

So maybe there are two ways i am asking for a little help, how can i help her more with her condition? and how can i ease her back in to reality and assume a few little responsibilities around the home and maybe also loosen her control over me.

Ref support for me, My family unfortunately live very far from me so are unable to help much (friends also far away -- 8 years ago i moved from one end of the country to another). I wish i had a good friend to help me, i even think to join a friendship/dating site to find someone, but i guess if my other half found out this would not look good, but finding friends, good friends is hard -- that what i have found now i am in my mid thirties and split from my network of friends and family.

A friendly word would be greatly appreciated, thanks for reading
 
Alice1912

Alice1912

Member
Joined
Dec 3, 2014
Messages
11
Location
Tyne and Wear
Hi there, I'm totally new to the forum, to any forum in fact! I read your post and couldn't help but feel a lot of similarities.

My partner also suffers with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. He's had a particularly bad year, his mother died (who he had a terrible relationship with) and having to look after his elderly father. The past few weeks we reached a crisis point during which I had to get emergency prescriptions for valium and talk him through some awful, awful panic attacks.

It's left me feeling totally exhausted, stressed and to be honest pretty damn emotional.

I do have family close by, but my own mother is just getting over breast cancer and my sister is having her own physical problems recently. I do feel like I could talk to them, but to go into the full ins and outs of what it's like dealing with someone who has mental health would be too much for them to understand.

Everyone always asks how he is doing, but very rarely does anyone ask how I am. You can only be strong for so long right? You're absolutely right, it's very very hard living with someone when they're really down.

I hope you don't feel so lonely now? Take care
 
A

andrew2010

Member
Joined
Aug 26, 2014
Messages
10
Thank You & Hello

Hello Alice, thank you for your reply. Sorry to read of the difficult times you have had with your partner, i hope both of you are keeping as well as possible. I'm happy for you both that you have been able to get a little assistance from the Doctor at this difficult time. I can understand what you wrote about speaking to your family about things -- sometimes they can have enough on their own plates which makes it difficult to be able to speak to them or give them an additional worry. I guess sometimes however sharing with family, even when they have their own worries, does not necessarily give them too much to think about - i guess maybe sharing might allow them to give their good friendly help, which can help the likes of our loved ones and ourselves and also maybe sharing with them - can take their mind of their difficulties. (Just a theory -- but they do say a problem shared is a problem halved)

With My wife, things have of late got better, it amazes me how quick things can change -- or rather I mean how sudden (this current difficult spell was fully 4 months)

Some pretty landmark things have happened in the last month for her, which includes 1st ever medication EVER, and the doctor talking to her about her condition & referral to phsyciatrist. Things are not over by any-means, its only the start, but it has changed her behavior and mood completely. -- Was it the medicine? or is it the end of denial of how she been all this time? --I don't know but i am happy that things are a bit better for her.

I certainly hope you are feeling ok, and well done in finding this forum, there are a lot of really helpful people on here!! some of the best around i do believe, so i know you will find it a source of strength and inspiration also.
Thank you again and yes not feeling so lonely now,
Bye :)
 
Alice1912

Alice1912

Member
Joined
Dec 3, 2014
Messages
11
Location
Tyne and Wear
Hi Andrew

I'm so pleased to hear that your wife is a little better :)

It's great hear that she has taken steps forward, you may find that her medication may change (my partners was changed a lot when he was first diagnosed until they found the best one for him). It is just the beginning, but it's brilliant that things are looking up.

Hope you are well too :hug:

x x
 
S

SJLPHII

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 26, 2017
Messages
115
May I jump in ask, is it a characteristic of loving someone who is suffering depression and anxiety? Where they never ask about you, or even show that they care about you, while you only give?
 
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