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Hail

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Long term abuse from a narcissist (several years, I dont want to go back to remember) , psychopath and machiavellian... and is still happening... I think my next diagnosis will be schizophrenia among others.

If you experienced abuse from someone sick of narcissism or psychopaty, Please tell me:

Do you feel stuck and find no ways to escape?

Do you feel you cant see the place you live, the place where you suffered so much... the place/a where you and that person been toghether?
(I have to cover my eyes when I go out. Or I go into disocietation. I go home I hit the walls and cry and the pain they caused me wont go away.)

Do you feel your life has no meaning anymore and will never have again?

Do you want to end your life?

Do you feel like you become more evil somehow like them?

Do you feel you are the most stupid and the worst person in the world? Feel like everyone else around you is better than you?

Does your doctor think you are paranoid about the whole situation?
 
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Hail

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Do you feel terror very often?
How about anger?
 
calypso

calypso

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That's a long list of questions. I haven't suffered like this and can only think it is awful for the person to feel this way. Interesting subject though and I thank you for bringing it up.
 
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Hail

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You lost your security feeling?
Do you feel disperation? (For me this is one of the worst symptom)
 
Amorerose

Amorerose

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Hello Hail,

I believe that my Mother is a narcissist among other things. There is definitely some type of psychotism and she is also an alcoholic. I still live with her after moving back from an abusive relationship (my first boyfriend) who also shared narcissistic traits but I do not know his full diagnosis. I have suffered my Mother's abuse ongoing throughout my entire life, and then the 4 years of his felt like another nightmare.

I started getting suicidal thoughts when I was 16 and resulted in self harm. The emotions were too strong and I had to get them out. I did/do believe that I dissociate (I made a post on this in the dissociation forum).

For a long time I felt utterly hopeless, out of control, weak and insecure. I became numbed out and fully disconnected from life, especially love and attachments. This lasted a few years after I left me ex. I suffer from suicidal ideation as well and have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, ptsd and social anxiety.

I realize that I cannot form a relationship with my Mother and instead focus on what I can control in my life, to escape because the feeling of being trapped is utterly devastating. I do not let my dark side hold me back from life, instead I have formed my pain into strength because you will always be strong to suffer such horrendous emotional torture. I do not see myself as evil but I am not easily phased by abusive people any longer. This does not need to be a bad thing, as it gives you the result of becoming a fighter for yourself and others.

My mother tried to destroy me, to make me under her control, to be weak and lost in her power. But when you see yourself, no one can take that away and I would never be like her. I do not regret my life, instead I see what I have made in myself.

My Mother called my stupid throughout my life, she called me cold, worthless, a disappointment. She sabotages and threatens me every time she feels that the control is slipping away from her. She is sick. But I know this is only her way to attempt to hold me back for her own suffering, so she does not need to suffer alone. I do not see myself through her eyes, because if I did, then I would be nothing but her puppet. You have to see yourself, your own strengths, your own weaknesses and you need to find who you really are and then you can take your own control back.

It is very hard and no one should have to feel like they are helpless because of the words that have been ingrained into their mind from a narcissistic person. Yes I have felt angry and I have punched mirrors and the wall. I have self destructed myself with bad men (dangerous situations) and alcohol but I am 8 days sober as of today. :)

But no, she did not destroy me and will not. I am happy with myself and I know who I am and who I can be. Soon I will be free from her emotional abuse and it will be the best day of my life. So, do not ever give up and let them take your identity away from you because it is there inside of you, even if it had to be hidden away. You are always who you are, not what they say you are.
 
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