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21 y/o, can't meet anyone new.

alliecat

alliecat

Member
Joined
Dec 29, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Iceland
hi. i'm a 21 year old female who has been suffering with basically all of the anxiety disorders since i was a pre-teen.
because of this, i don't have many friends and i don't do a lot in daily life. i have one best friend who has been my best friend since we were nine years old and the only thing i do is go to college everyday and to my therapist + psychiatrist. i don't meet my best friend a lot since she has her own life going on + a boyfriend.

i've been interested in a few people (i'm bi-sexual) and they've been interested in me but every time it comes to meeting them (i usually go on tinder or online to meet people) i freeze. of course, they eventually gave up on waiting for me and i wasn't going to beg them to stay and wait for something that might never happen so i let them leave. but i'm tired, and i'm lonely. i haven't kissed anyone, barely "romantically" hugged anyone (unless you count an awkward 12 year old crush) ever and of course i've never been on a date. the thought terrifies me, just writing this makes my heart beat faster and i feel anxious. i'm not sure what i'm so terrified of but i do know that i don't want to blush in front of anyone, and i don't do well in situations where i don't know what the hell i'm doing (aka, kissing or having sex) so maybe that's what i'm scared of.

my family and my best friend are telling me that i have to do this soon, to dive into the deep end and just do it but the thought terrifies me more than anything and i don't know what to do because i'm losing hope that i'm ever going to change. since i've been this way for so, so long.

anyone have any advice or thoughts of comfort?
 
S

Shiroki

Guest
hi. i'm a 21 year old female who has been suffering with basically all of the anxiety disorders since i was a pre-teen.
because of this, i don't have many friends and i don't do a lot in daily life. i have one best friend who has been my best friend since we were nine years old and the only thing i do is go to college everyday and to my therapist + psychiatrist. i don't meet my best friend a lot since she has her own life going on + a boyfriend.

i've been interested in a few people (i'm bi-sexual) and they've been interested in me but every time it comes to meeting them (i usually go on tinder or online to meet people) i freeze. of course, they eventually gave up on waiting for me and i wasn't going to beg them to stay and wait for something that might never happen so i let them leave. but i'm tired, and i'm lonely. i haven't kissed anyone, barely "romantically" hugged anyone (unless you count an awkward 12 year old crush) ever and of course i've never been on a date. the thought terrifies me, just writing this makes my heart beat faster and i feel anxious. i'm not sure what i'm so terrified of but i do know that i don't want to blush in front of anyone, and i don't do well in situations where i don't know what the hell i'm doing (aka, kissing or having sex) so maybe that's what i'm scared of.

my family and my best friend are telling me that i have to do this soon, to dive into the deep end and just do it but the thought terrifies me more than anything and i don't know what to do because i'm losing hope that i'm ever going to change. since i've been this way for so, so long.

anyone have any advice or thoughts of comfort?
Well first of all, I don’t think you’re family should be trying to rush you into anything at the young age of 21. Secondly it’s perfectly normal and ok to feel so anxious about those things, especially if you are inexperienced. Side note, please don’t look to tinder for someone. I can tell from reading this that tinder is the last place someone delicate like you should be. You need someone you can feel comfortable with in everyday situations, and not rush you into the bedroom. You’re clearly someone who is gonna need time to take that big step, and that’s something many men have issues with as far as patience, not all of course, but a lot. I know you said you’re bi, but I couldn’t speak for a woman’s point of view on whether they would have patience for that or not. Point is you don’t want to go with tinder if you are looking for something real or meaningful. I’ve given this advice a lot later, but it’s proven to be true for me, and I hope it helps others, but if you can find ways to just be happy with yourself, the rest isn’t just a big deal anymore. It takes the sting out of being alone when you don’t need someone else to keep moving forward with your own life.
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
1,192
Location
North Carolina
In addition to the above post which I agree with. I would just add that it is important to take it slow and not feel rushed. It does seem like a lot of your anxiety is your inexperience. Just get to know someone well before you meet. Get very comfortable and make sure they understand your situation and is willing to go your pace, i think that will help a lot. Definitely stay off tinder !
 
alliecat

alliecat

Member
Joined
Dec 29, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Iceland
Well first of all, I don’t think you’re family should be trying to rush you into anything at the young age of 21. Secondly it’s perfectly normal and ok to feel so anxious about those things, especially if you are inexperienced. Side note, please don’t look to tinder for someone. I can tell from reading this that tinder is the last place someone delicate like you should be. You need someone you can feel comfortable with in everyday situations, and not rush you into the bedroom. You’re clearly someone who is gonna need time to take that big step, and that’s something many men have issues with as far as patience, not all of course, but a lot. I know you said you’re bi, but I couldn’t speak for a woman’s point of view on whether they would have patience for that or not. Point is you don’t want to go with tinder if you are looking for something real or meaningful. I’ve given this advice a lot later, but it’s proven to be true for me, and I hope it helps others, but if you can find ways to just be happy with yourself, the rest isn’t just a big deal anymore. It takes the sting out of being alone when you don’t need someone else to keep moving forward with your own life.
thank you so much for your reply, i think i just downloaded tinder to feel less lonely. but i'm going to try and work on myself first and then see if i want anything "larger" than myself.
 
S

Shiroki

Guest
thank you so much for your reply, i think i just downloaded tinder to feel less lonely. but i'm going to try and work on myself first and then see if i want anything "larger" than myself.
Absolutely fantastic idea.
 
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