200 million people in this world. Why do I matter.

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Ramson mash

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Its true im just a speck of dust. Just floating about with no purpose...

I hate myself so much long story.
 
Someoldguy

Someoldguy

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Its true im just a speck of dust. Just floating about with no purpose...

I hate myself so much long story.
I think it's about perspective. Trying to make an impact on the world as a whole is difficult if not impossible for most of us as individuals. However, it is quite simple to impact a few people every day. Friends, family, coworkers. Some of your deeds will be quite influential in these people, indeed. I believe in trying to make positive changes to the contacts I have. The butterfly effect upon the world can be significant.
 
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Ramson mash

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I think it's about perspective. Trying to make an impact on the world as a whole is difficult if not impossible for most of us as individuals. However, it is quite simple to impact a few people every day. Friends, family, coworkers. Some of your deeds will be quite influential in these people, indeed. I believe in trying to make positive changes to the contacts I have. The butterfly effect upon the world can be significant.
Cheers for the reply oldguy. I have tried to remain positive but its very difficult. I just cant find my place in the world and i have no plan b. Just keep going. My problem that got me into psycosis depression, anxiety and anguish cannot be explained. All i can do is remember the layers and mention them to my co ordinator, sounds like i make it up as i go along but it doesnt help.

I am actively working on 'moving on' realising that the help route is not for me. They are experienced in categorising symptoms to find suitable meds based on thier knowledge however,
I still find myself with 1000 issues that i cannot explain.
I've tried to express even here what dehumanisation feels like, what it means for your soul and how your body reacts to your mental being stripped. I can understand completely how that doesnt relate to many, atleast the way i have explained it, with subliminals and indirects, but thats what it was about and it lasted years. The subliminals will always be a reminder for me.
The most relatable phrase that i can think of is:
'a coward dies a thousand deaths' what that means is crippling.
But we soldier on, knowing tomorrow might just bring a new perspective. (atleast for the day)
 
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dewey

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Even a speck of dust creates echoes.

"The term butterfly effect comes from an analogy where a butterfly flaps its wings in Chicago and a tornado occurs in Tokyo."
 
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Ramson mash

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I want everyone to know that they MATTER. I speak for myself only but you all matter to me and it hurts if i think i've let you down.
Butterfly effect was a great movie by the way dewey. One persons actions have consequences down the line.
It reminds me when i recently dislocated my knee. Beforehand my boss asked me to empty the baler, he didnt have a cutter to lend me. I went frantically looking for a yellow box cutter so i could cut this string. Looked on the loading bay... I knew there was a machete in the draw but rosebud had wrapped it up for 'safety reasons' he's a jobsworth. Anyhow there i was at this point pacing around the shopfloor looking for a knife... Until BAM, knee is now at a 90 degree angle.
If any one of these things had not happened, if i had picked up my cutter from the table before work, if any one of the people i asked had one. Then i would never have benefited from time off and my first shot of morphine. Freaky...
 
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Ramson mash

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I did not cry.

Physical pain over mental anguish anyday.
 
Someoldguy

Someoldguy

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Even a speck of dust creates echoes.

"The term butterfly effect comes from an analogy where a butterfly flaps its wings in Chicago and a tornado occurs in Tokyo."
'The phenomenon where minute localized change in a complex system can have significant results elsewhere.' I prefer this definition. :)
 
Someoldguy

Someoldguy

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We all have our bad days. Some more difficult to endure than others.
I can't speak for anyone else, but you certainly did not let me down. Just keep at it. Tomorrow brings new opportunity.
 
Topcat

Topcat

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Mental health wreaks havoc with your sense of self, gives it a battering, often over and over. My existence has felt both like utter poison, and transcendental in its godliness. I preferred the latter, lol. But when either is past and normality returns it's like waking up and trying to remember who you were and what you were.
I'm just floating about too. My life situation is a result of random decisions, not necessarily well considered ones, and I feel like I've personally gotten nowhere - I've often felt like I'm in purgatory, that life is designed this way for me and I've had no choice. So many beliefs due to mental health that I don't have any trust in my own thoughts and feelings any more.
I'm waffling.
Generally I try and keep optimistic, take each day as it comes.
I like your posts on here, you seem like a nice guy. We're all just tiny specks in the grand scheme of things. Be good to those around you, strangers can appreciate it the most sometimes, that's all we can do I think.
Take care
X
 
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Ramson mash

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I am the same @Topcat. Never had a realistic ambition or anything. I guess i could save myself a long paragraph here and just put it simply. Drugs change your priorities.
Its maybe my archytype, to be absolutely useless in most regards. Some might say we lack skills but i have banging my head off the wall since i was a child, quite literally. Its a curse, it really is,
 
Topcat

Topcat

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Yeah, drugs were fun at the time. I still miss them sometimes. I'm sure they probably didn't help in the long run, although also opened my mind and made me more empathic to others too. It's the bliss and escape from reality I miss.
You do matter :hug: good things can happen, the knee sounded painful though! Good, bad, it all takes us somewhere. Although mostly I feel like I'm running on the spot.
I don't think I've ever been "quite right in the head" since I was a child too.
X
 
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