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15 years still hurts x

Zentangle

Zentangle

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Joined
Sep 20, 2014
Messages
38
Location
England
My grandad died 15 years ago when i was 15. I saw him couple times a week he and my grandma were the main people that gave me love and effection. I lived 5 minutes walk away and went there all the time. I loved him soo much. I cant get him out of my head. As this time of year comes i cant handle it. My grandma has only just got a new boyfriend. Im so messed up. I cant move on i dont think i ever greaved properly. How can i help myself x
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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Joined
Jul 22, 2013
Messages
756
Location
Isle of Wight
My grandad died 15 years ago when i was 15. I saw him couple times a week he and my grandma were the main people that gave me love and effection. I lived 5 minutes walk away and went there all the time. I loved him soo much. I cant get him out of my head. As this time of year comes i cant handle it. My grandma has only just got a new boyfriend. Im so messed up. I cant move on i dont think i ever greaved properly. How can i help myself x
Did you get to say goodbye to him? You might need to grieve properly hunny and let him go. It's hard, I know but he loved you so much he wouldn't want you stressed like this, would he?

My grandad died 20 years ago when I was 22 and I still think about him a lot. I struggled with it for a number of years but it was HE that helped me get over it. He came to me in a dream and it really helped me.

I am sure that your grandad will come to you when the time is right but he can listen now, talk to him and try to get to a point where you can say a proper goodbye to him.

I'm here to talk if you want to
Davey x
 
Zentangle

Zentangle

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Joined
Sep 20, 2014
Messages
38
Location
England
Thanks. I was told he was dying and me and my sisters helped him And my gran all the time. But when the time got closer to the end we had to stay away. And then I was suppose to be starting the last year of school te when my dad told us that grandad had passed away. And still was sent to school. Wasn't allowed to go see my gran. My dad wouldn't let me goto the funeral. I lost all my pictures of grandad. I feel I wasn't able to say bye. I sometimes think of killing myself and going to see him. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder 7 years ago too so I think my issues with grandad has caused the bpd x
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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Joined
Jul 22, 2013
Messages
756
Location
Isle of Wight
Thanks. I was told he was dying and me and my sisters helped him And my gran all the time. But when the time got closer to the end we had to stay away. And then I was suppose to be starting the last year of school te when my dad told us that grandad had passed away. And still was sent to school. Wasn't allowed to go see my gran. My dad wouldn't let me goto the funeral. I lost all my pictures of grandad. I feel I wasn't able to say bye. I sometimes think of killing myself and going to see him. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder 7 years ago too so I think my issues with grandad has caused the bpd x
Okay, that's probably why you are feeling like this, you never got to say goodbye properly. That's an important part of the process.

Talk to him. Tell him all the things you wanted to tell him. I can assure you he's listening.
Davey x
 
Zentangle

Zentangle

Active member
Joined
Sep 20, 2014
Messages
38
Location
England
Everything reminds me of him. And I hate this time of year. My partner dosent understand me. He says I should've on. But I can't. I don't no why. I've just spoke too on phone about why I wasn't allowed to goto the funeral and found out it was my grans descision. I was nearly 16 I wanted to go and today my mum said even if I did go I still might have been a mess. She just don't understandse at all and I don't no who to talk to x
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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Joined
Jul 22, 2013
Messages
756
Location
Isle of Wight
Everything reminds me of him. And I hate this time of year. My partner dosent understand me. He says I should've on. But I can't. I don't no why. I've just spoke too on phone about why I wasn't allowed to goto the funeral and found out it was my grans descision. I was nearly 16 I wanted to go and today my mum said even if I did go I still might have been a mess. She just don't understandse at all and I don't no who to talk to x
You need to speak to a bereavement counsellor why not try talking to CRUSE (http://www.cruse.org.uk), they can probably help on that score. You just have never had a chance to properly grieve for him and say good bye
Davey x
 
Zentangle

Zentangle

Active member
Joined
Sep 20, 2014
Messages
38
Location
England
Well I just emailed cruse. But lost the email. So borrowed my partners laptop to check my emails coa my phone too small. Well anyway he caught me and gave me a shock. He said he couldn't trust me because I wouldn't talk to him about things. But I can't. Anyway the emails been sent so await a replyx
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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Joined
Jul 22, 2013
Messages
756
Location
Isle of Wight
Well I just emailed cruse. But lost the email. So borrowed my partners laptop to check my emails coa my phone too small. Well anyway he caught me and gave me a shock. He said he couldn't trust me because I wouldn't talk to him about things. But I can't. Anyway the emails been sent so await a replyx
Oh Zentangle, he needs to support you and understand. Can you talk to him calmly, try to help him see your pain with this. He doesn't need to understand it, he just needs to support you
Davey x
 
Zentangle

Zentangle

Active member
Joined
Sep 20, 2014
Messages
38
Location
England
I've managed to talk but he still can't help me. what have I done wrong. why do I feel so bad about my grandad. I'm so messed up. this issue has controlled every emotion I have. I feel like I'm bad for been alive. I want to join him so much. I'm angry in some way because I haven't dealt with his death even after 15 years. how can I help myself. its making me I'll x
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
I'm sorry you are going through such a bad time :(

As Davey said, if you are finding that you can't sort your way through this, you would probably benefit from bereavement counselling. Your partner should be more supportive. Surely he should be pleased that you are trying to get help, regardless of whether he understands it or not?

This time of year can be sad when we've lost people we love but I'm sure that your grandad would want you to be happy.
 
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