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11 days clean

Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
807
Location
Netherlands
I'm struggling so hard.. I'm not going to school anymore. Spend my days at my parents because I feel like sh..

I can't tell in real life how I feel.. so nobody thinks it's this kinda bad.. want to selfharm but I don't want to disappoint my best friend.. used different kinds to cope but it isn't helping..

Today mij oxazapam muscle relaxers stoped. Because I overdosed a few time to get high my body reacts really heavy on not getting that med anymore..

IDK how long I can do this.. I only did eat 2 pieces of bread I don't feel like eating anymore.. it's hard to keep on my weight..
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
2,795
I sorry to hear you are struggling, don't see the relapse as a reason not to be kind to yourself xx
You did 11 days , start again today going clean xx
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
2,795
You are human and we all fall down, and it's hard to get back.up but you are special and important xx
 
TheSadnessWillLastForever

TheSadnessWillLastForever

Member
Joined
Oct 28, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Ohio
You did a good job staying clean for so long, be proud of that progress, it’s amazing!
 
simonr1978

simonr1978

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 22, 2018
Messages
237
You did extremely well after a pretty tough time of it and should be proud of that accomplishment.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
807
Location
Netherlands
Thanks @Urban Hermit @simonr1978 @TheSadnessWillLastForever

I really appreciate the support. To be honest I got a bit down.. felt pretty good when I did go to sleep. I'm just sleeping 4 hours and woke up with suicidal thoughts and feeling like self harm..

IDK what to do. Yeah don't kill myself 😅 but that's kinda obvious. Wasnt going to.. @simonr1978 I would never do that to you. Like I promised 🌹

Is anybody up?
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
807
Location
Netherlands
Still awake for about 2 hours now.. it's 5:18
I hate this so fucking much.. I just want to sleep wtf is that so hard..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
807
Location
Netherlands
Yesterday was horrible.. a day filled with suicide thoughts, a lot of self Harm. Ging to the bar and v cry in the bar. Did had alcohol or any shit just coca cola. Got a migraine went to bed.

Dreamed about a person I know we'll that he stabbed my from behind. Leaving me for dead. When my parents hold him back and confronted him. He eyes litterly filled with blood. His muscles started to grown. It was so terrifying.

Then we arrived with the car and saw a fan with weed plants in it. The man tried to kill is to..

So after all fun night. I'm terrified as hell and I'm still shaking. What's wrong with me..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
807
Location
Netherlands
Just woke up and saw a message from my friend. OMG I was so shocked.. I thought I was going to be too late..

I message her and her friend that came over responded. Thank God she was with her!
 
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